He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter Seventeen

I sat on the floor against my door. I must have been sat here for a couple of hours after Chad left. I was huddled up in one of Chad's hoodies that he had left here and in my hand I cradled a picture of Chad and I. We looked so happy at the quad. A tear slid down my stained cheeks as I was lost looking into his blue eyes. My body seemed to rock forwards and backwards as the tears fell and splashed against the photograph. My chest hurt so much, my heart literally felt like it had broken. Why did I do it? Chad will never forgive me. I rested my head against my knees as I continued to stare at the photograph. Why does it hurt so much?  

I jumped to the sound of a knock at my door. 

"Elise, are you ok?" Scott asked. 

I tried to block him out, I just wanted to be on my own. 

"Elise! Open the door!" 

"Just leave me please Scott. I want to be on my own," I whispered. 

"Ok, I don't know what's gone on properly but Chad is really cut up. If you want to talk or scream just give me a shout, I'm just downstairs." 

I tried to fight back the tears but they just kept coming. Why is he being so nice to me when I've been such a horrible person? I don't deserve someone being nice to me. 

I crawled to my bed and placed my head on the side where Chad slept last night. The faint smell of him still lingered in the pillow as I breathed it in. My hand clenched it tightly pulling it into my chest as I cried into it.

I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing. As I grabbed it I seen that there was 3 messages and 3 missed calls. The missed calls were from Aubrey.

Message 1 

To: Elise 

From: Aubrey

What the hell is going on? 

Have you lost the plot??? 

Ring me!!

Message 2 

To: Elise 

From: Aubrey

Lis?? I know you love him! 

Stop ignoring me, talk to me please! Xxxx

Message 3 

To: Elise 

From: Chad

This hurts so much Lis. 

I don't think you realize how much I love you! 

I hope that you and 'him' are happy together!

I pushed my face into my pillow and screamed loudly. Why can't life be easier than this? I typed a message back to Aubrey.

To: Aubrey 

From: Elise

Yes of course I love him, it hurts so much to let 

him go but it's for the best xx

I then typed another message.

To: Chad  

From: Elise

I'm sorry it has to be like this but it's for the best! 

I hope that you can forgive me....

I quickly turned my phone off and threw it to the other side of the room. I just wanted to be on my own. Complete isolation from the world and everyone in it.

I must have spent the whole weekend in bed shut out from the world. My room was filled with darkness as the curtains were kept shut tight. I pulled myself up off the bed and headed to the bathroom. I hardly recognized the person looking back at me. My swollen eyes had bright red rings around them and my face was all blotchy. I rested my head against the mirror and closed my eyes tightly just wishing the pain would go away. It didn't! I turned the shower on cold and climbed into it. The frozen water hit me like a thousand needles stabbing all over my body. I slid down the tiled wall and sat under the cascading water. The tears flushed away as they mixed into the water.  

I sat there until my lips turned blue and my weak body was numb from all pain. I stumbled back to my bedroom once I was dressed. Surely there was another way I could deal with this. My mind flashed back to when I laid motionless on the floor clutching tablets and a bottle of vodka. I couldn't put my family through that again.

My stomach growled as I remembered I hadn't eaten anything for a couple of days. I staggered down the stairs into the kitchen. Scott was sat up the table shoveling cereal into his mouth like he had never had food before. 

"Wow you have finally managed to climb out of that tomb of yours and by the way you look like crap," he laughed. 

"Oh thanks how very kind of you," I sighed sarcastically, grabbing at the box of cereal. 

"You ok worm?" He looked at me worried. 

"I'm ok. I think."  

"Have you erm...have you spoken to Chad?" He asked standing up holding his now empty bowl. 

"He texted but that's it. I've had my phone switched off," I whispered as I swirled my spoon around in the milk.  

"Lis, is this really what you want? Chad is really into you, I've never actually seen him this smitten with a girl before. He's crushed and just wants you back," he smiled pathetically placing his hand on my shoulder. 

Of course this isn't what I want, I would give anything to be wrapped up in Chad's arms right now. They will all see that this is for the best. 'Just wants you back' went round in my head. Why would he want me back still after what I had said? 

"It's for the best Scott," I lied. 

"Do really believe that 'cause I'm not buying it worm. Now get moving or we will be late for school," he yawned.

I was dreading school, I just know that everyone will be going on about Chad and I. As we pulled up I took a deep breath. 

"You ready for this?" Scott smiled pushing his door open. 

Here goes nothing I told myself as I stepped out of the car. Everyone was scattered stood in their own groups muttering about something and nothing. Orange and brown leaves covered the entrance floor to the school.  

"I'm going to the library for abit. See you later," I muttered walking up the path. 

Laughs filled the air behind me as I looked back to see Bria draped in Scott's arms. Aubrey and Jesse stood closely while Chad stood with his back to me. A lump formed in my throat as I walked into the corridor. I quickly scrambled to the library grabbing my favourite book and settling down in the corner. Time went by and before I knew it dinner time had crept up. It was easy to hide away here and get lost in the words of Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet such a classic. Girl loves boy, boy loves girl, they can't be together ends in a tragedy. My life in one.

'What greater punishment is there than life when you've lost everything that made it worth living?'

I sat staring at those words. What am I doing? Why am I letting Blaine control me again? He doesn't own me, I can't sit back and watch my life fall apart so 'he' can get his own way! But what if I've blew it with Chad this time? I stood to my feet grabbing my bag, I suppose there is only one way in finding out. I took a deep breath and stormed out of the library on the hunt for Chad. As I marched into the dinner hall, chattering and giggling filled the room as everyone gathered to eat their dinner and catch up. I scanned the room until I saw him, there he sat his back hunched as he was slouching in a chair. He looked so sad.  

"Chad!" I shouted across the hall. 

My heart pounded. You can do this Lis......