thirty five
Everything had gone wrong in the midst of 8 hours. Luke wasn't sure how it started or when it started. He woke up to raised voices and bitter sentences.
He had his eyes closed as he listened to Jack's voice then Michael's lower one.
"I'm not sending you anywhere else," Michael says, annoyed, "you need to learn some fucking discipline for once in your life."
"Don't be a dick, Michael."
"Don't talk to me like that! I'm doing what needs to be done. In case you forgot, I'm the adult, you're the child." Michael got up from the kitchen table, he turned off the television and began to clean up their living room.
"Mom and Dad wouldn't have treated me like this."
"You don't know how they would have treated you." Michael folded the blankets Jack slept with and placed them on the back of the couch. He couldn't look at his brother when they were arguing, he needed to be doing something else.
"Neither do you!"
Michael stands up, placing a hand on his hip. "So what? I gave up my college years to raise you, Jack! In case you forgot, I raised the last 14 years of your life! I'm the closest thing to a parent that you're ever going to have!"
Jack was hurt but now wasn't the time to react. "You sent me away! You sent me away because you weren't able to raise me!"
Michael rolled his eyes and leant back down, picking up dirty clothes and tossing them into a pile of their own closer to the laundry machines. "I tried to get you the best and this is how you treat me, this!"
"You threw me away!"
"I did not!" Michael's voice was ringing through their apartment and their neighbors could probably hear. "They left me with this toddler, Jack! I was high off my ass, I didn't know how to raise a child! What was I supposed to do?"
"I didn't ask them to die, stop resenting me for that! I didn't ask to be born! I didn't ask for any of this!"
"Then what do you want?!" Michael yelled, his voice scratching. He felt like his throat was on fire as he continued his rant.
Jack opened his mouth then closed it once more. He didn't know what he wanted. He wanted Michael, he wanted his parents, he wanted to be living in their suburban neighborhood once again. He wanted everything to be normal, he wanted everything to be okay. "Not this."
"Not what?"
"I don't want you to hate me for existing, it's not my fault you have to take care of me. I didn't want it like this either."
"I'm trying to live the years I missed out on," Michael says angrily. He takes his coat from the closet, putting it on and kicking his shoes out in front of him. "I wasn't ready to have a child but I did it. I did something that I didn't want to do. Your problems are nothing compared what I had to deal with."
"My problems are still valid!"
"I'm going for a walk, finish your breakfast." Michael left without another word. He didn't have his keys to get back in but he wasn't going to think about it now. He just needed to leave. He needed to get out of the 900-square-foot apartment. It felt too crowded with his brother in it yelling at him.
Michael gave up everything for his little brat of a brother. He was freshly 18, just barely graduated high school. He was off to college, his first step of freedom.
Instead, he took his brother to college in a cheap apartment off campus. He raised him through all the tiring days and sleepless nights. He wanted what was best for the boy and hearing Jack angry at Michael broke his own heart.
He knew that Jack wasn't his son, but he often thought of him as one. He put Jack's best interests in front of his own. He needed Jack to thrive in life because Michael never got the chance to.
Luke heads out of the bedroom a half hour later. He took quiet steps into the living room to spot Jack sitting at the living room couch.
The teenager was staring at the blank television, his cereal bowl empty in front of him but his spoon still dipping into the shallow milk and bringing nothing up to his mouth.
"Hey," Luke says softly.
Jack looks up, his eyes glassed over, his face looking more miserable than Luke has ever seen a Clifford look. "Michael left."
"I know." Luke walks over to him, sitting on the opposite side of the couch. He, too, stares at the blank television as he continues to talk, "Michael walks out a lot, don't take it personally."
Jack shrugs, "He's the brat."
Luke has got to agree with him on this one. "He is, sometimes."
"You're totally in love with him, aren't you?"
Luke doesn't miss a beat, "Yeah."
"I don't remember a lot from my childhood, but I vaguely remember Michael being really messed up about our parents. I don't know if it's possible, but that might be the biggest of his problems."
"What do you mean?"
"I think his subconscious is telling him that real love can't exist," Jack says. He places his empty breakfast bowl on the coffee table in front of him before sitting back. He leans in the cushions, facing Luke this time. "The two people he loved left him, he's afraid to admit he's in love with you."
"I don't think he's in love with me, I think that's the problem."
Jack shakes his head, "That's where you're wrong. He cares about you in a way that he's never cared about anyone."
Luke shrugs, "I'm not the one to fix him."
"He doesn't need fixing, he just needs loving."
Luke rubs at his eyes, still only half-awake. "Maybe he just needs your love before he can ever love anyone else. He needs to know that you're there for him before I can be there for him."
"Oh."
"There's a bond that you two have that no one else will ever have. He loves you and he needs to know that you love him, too. All those sacrifices he talks about, he needs to know it was worth it. He wants what's best for you."
"I want what's best for me," Jack responds.
He looks up at Luke, brown eyes meeting blue. Jack wouldn't mind having Luke around for the rest of his life.
Do you think Jack is right?
