forty one
Calum liked photography and Jack liked attention. He liked the 11-point AF system of the Canon 6D all being on him. He liked the 400 ISO and f/8.0 all highlighting his beauty. Jack was confident in himself, and Calum liked that.
He liked it a lot.
"What do you want to be when you're older?" Jack asks. He leans his head against the brick wall of their apartment complex. His eyes are closed, he's so tired but Calum is still wide awake. He doesn't want to go back to bed knowing that his only friend is out here all alone.
The soft clicks of a 14mm shutter are filling the air. "I'm not sure," Calum responds, "what about you?" Calum looks down, going through the last few shots before readjusting his settings and raising his camera body once more.
Jack was the perfect subject. His candids were true candids, Calum didn't need to do anything besides readjust himself to fix the frame. Jack was naturally a masterpiece, his cocky personality showing off in every shot.
"I don't know," Jack sighs. "I want to travel."
"Let's runaway." Calum puts down his camera, resting it back inside at his bedside table. He sat back down, scooting closer to Jack. He rests his hands in his lap, looking down at his fingers.
Jack looks over at him, "Really?"
He laughs it off, "No, you're a kid, Jack."
Jack rolls his eyes, "Whatever."
Calum reaches over his own lap, placing his hand softly on Jack's thigh. His fingers are close to his knee, slowly rubbing comforting and fragile shapes into the fabric of his pajamas. "Where do you want to be in 5 years?"
"I don't know, out of school."
"You see, Kid, that's the difference. In 5 years, I want to be in some cool apartment in some cool city. With white walls and open windows, fake plants and black cabinets. I'll be a real adult."
"Maybe that's what I want," he responds. "Maybe I want square plates with gold trimming, maybe I want a few cats at the end of my bed. Maybe I want to be in a cool studio apartment in the heart of downtown."
"That's too expensive."
"I can dream, Calum."
Cal laughs it off as he retracts his hand. "I don't know, Jack." He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the half-closed window. "Does your brother know about me?"
The younger teenager shrugs, still focusing on the loss of physical contact.
"Picture this: You walk up to him and say 'I'm trying to get with an 18-year-old,' what do you really think he's gonna say?"
"His boyfriend is older—."
"Your brother is almost 30, he's allowed to make those decisions." Calum has his eyes closed but he's picturing the stars. He hasn't seen the stars in years, living in a busy city does that. "Boys your age who date boys my age—," he paused, "—it's just not a good situation, for either of us."
"Why?"
"Because."
"I don't like that answer."
Calum sighs before he begins to stand up. "That's life for you, Kid. Get some sleep, you look tired."
Michael and Luke are sitting in the dark, neither of them able to sleep. Luke has his head rested over Michael's heart. One arm is resting around his chest, the other is between their two bodies.
"Hey, Mike?" Luke asks into the silent air.
"Hm?" He responds in his half-asleep state of mind.
Luke closes his eyes, taking a breath before asking, "Why are you afraid to care?"
"What do you mean, Babe?" He asks with a sigh. Michael rests his hand higher on Luke's back, mindlessly tapping on his spine.
"Weeks ago, you said that you were afraid to care for people. Why?"
"Is now the right time—?"
"You said later then, I wanna talk now."
Michael drops his hand to their mattress. "I'm not afraid of the caring apart, I'm afraid of the leaving part." He brings his right hand up to his face, rubbing at his eyes. "Everyone I've ever cared for the tiniest bit has left me, Luke. They walk from my life, they drop from my life, they die from my life. Jack is the only person I've loved that has stayed in my life," he pauses, "besides you."
"You love me?"
"I love you," Michael states once more, "I love you, you know that."
Luke smiles, his eyes still closed. "Good, you know I love you too, but this doesn't get you out of this whole deep conversation I'm trying to start."
"I'm afraid of you leaving, I'm afraid of Jack leaving. There are people I care about—Ashton, Matty, Alex, all the nurses, all the secretaries—but there's nothing like family."
Luke nods, not wanting to press the issue more than needed. "Am I your date to Matty and Alex's wedding or are you taking Jack?"
"Jack is refusing."
"I'm refusing, too."
Michael leant down, kissing the top of Luke's head. "You're going."
