It's Simple. I use you. You use me.

Chapter 38

Three days later
Lucille's POV
After our fight on Saturday, Ethan and I didn't speak at all. We were both stubborn, I admit. I wanted to call him, but every time I typed in his number, a part of me was worried of what else he might say. I didn't want to say anything that might drift us further apart. I went to school Monday and I saw him. I took all the encourage I had to approach him first. I wanted to be the first to apologize. I couldn't stand the distance between us anymore. I needed his touch and embrace.
When I saw him, I took a deep breath and walked towards him, but he... ignored me. He saw me but walked the other direction towards... Heather. In that moment, I wanted to cry. I didn't know me not telling him about the acceptance letter would lead to this. He walked past her into the classroom. She looked over at me and smirked and followed him. The bell rang.
I got to class and saw Heather walking away from Ethan's desk. She gave a smug smile again as she walked back to her desk. Ethan still didn't look at me. He pretended to take out his pens and notebook. I just walked over to my desk. The day ended like this. Ethan didn't bother with me at all. He acted like I didn't even exist. I then became angry. He was exaggerating his anger. I couldn't handle this, but I quickly got tired of trying to get his attention through the day.
The next day became the same way. Was he giving up on us because of this one, stupid thing? I figured if he wanted to act this way, I would do the same. I got to class and acted like he didn't exist. I became the Lucille before Ethan came along.
When lunch came however, I lost it. Heather sat next to him while he was talking to his friends. I scoffed, but in reality I was hurt. I felt suffocated. In one second, he suddenly went back to the old Ethan. A tear drop rolled down my face. I quickly wiped it away and left to the bathroom.
Ethan's POV
I saw Lucille walk away to the bathroom. I took a deep breathe. What was I doing? I ignored her yesterday and today to show her that if she still thought I was the same old Ethan then I was going to be the same Ethan again, but I was only hurting myself by doing this. I just didn't get why she didn't tell me about the acceptance letter. I was so happy for her. I was beyond proud my girl got what she wanted, but she hid it from me? Did she really think I wouldn't be happy for her? Watching her walk away made me uneasy. She must have been even more hurt when she saw Heather close to me. I let Heather to make her even more jealous, but I regret it so much. She must be hurting so much, but I didn't know how to take my actions back now that I started. The bell rang.
Lucille's POV
The bell rang and I quickly washed my face from all the sticky tears that leaked out these past 20 minutes. I finished and walked out the bathroom. There stood Heather in front of me. I froze.
'Wow, fighting already? Ouch, at least me and Ethan lasted longer than this,' she giggled with her posse before they walked away. I stood there speechless. I felt like I was losing and everything was going back to the way it was before. I hurried to class.
After school, I hurried home. I didn't want to cry again at school. When I got home, my mother was in the kitchen and on the coffee table was a huge package that was open. I went to it and opened it. It was a long, blue halter top like dress with diamond sequins. In it was a a postcard that said, 'Have fun, love! xo A' . I stare at it in awe. It so was beautiful.
'April sent you a really pretty dress,' my mom said coming out of the kitchen.
Surprised by her voice, I look at her and nod, 'Um yeah...'
'It's sweet of her. You should probably send her some of your prom pictures back when you go,' my mom said.
My heart raced. She knew now. I avoided eye contact with her and stayed quiet.
'Why didn't you tell me you were going to prom?' she said, upset.
'I-I was going to, but I never got the chance,' I say, nervously.
'Or is it because you're going with Ethan and you didn't want to tell me?' She sounded angry. I look up at her cautiously.
'I'm not...' I tried to lie.
'Well, who are you going with then, Luce? Alone? You've told me you don't have any friends at school.'
'I'm going with...-- Ashley' I made up the name and continued to lie. It obviously didn't work.
'Lucille, I already told you I didn't want you to be anywhere with him, didn't I?'
'Mom, please...' I plead.
'No, I will not have you go to prom with him! No way! I've warned you enough and I'm not going to anymore! You just got accepted into NYU, focus on that. Didn't I say soon enough he won't care for you? Save yourself before he does that, huh? '
My heart aches at her words knowing that he already doesn't, but my face turns into despair.
'I don't ask for much. Please just let me-'
'I am your mother and I said no. I'm doing this to protect you, don't you see? Save that dress for someone who's worth it. End of conversation!' she shouts before she turns too back to the kitchen.
'Mom, please just let me this one last time.'
She turned around, confused.
'Last time?'
'I'm gonna break up with him before I go to NYU, mom. I'm gonna send in my acceptance soon, so please this last time. Let me be with him this one last time. Whether or not, I'm hurt I promise I will never see him again.' I cried out and begged. Tears were rolling down my face. 'Please...'
She doesn't say anything, but sighs. She turns back and leaves to the kitchen. I quickly get up and run to my bedroom. Everything was getting worse by the second. This wasn't how I wanted this to be.
Ethan's POV
After baseball practice, I laid in bed and kept thinking back to Lucille. I was wrong. Maybe this is what she was worried about that's why she didn't want to tell me that she got accepted into NYU. She was scared that we'd be apart like this. I was dumb to think I could be without her and go back to being the old Ethan. I fiddle my phone between my hands. There was hope that she'd call me, but she didn't. I can't wait anymore and so I call her. She doesn't  pick up however. I mean, why would she? I was a total ass these past 3 days. I try again. Still nothing. I text her. It shows that she read the texts, but she doesn't respond. So she is ignoring me. I shouldn't have taken it this far. I should've just called her right after our fight. I try to call her a couple more times, but she still won't answer. I put on some clothes and decide to go see and get her for myself.
Lucille's POV
There were about 20 missed calls from Ethan. I was so happy he called but then I remembered what he did at school. I thought back to it and couldn't get myself to answer the phone. I just stared at my phone as it rang. Besides my eyes were puffy and red and I probably had snot all over my nose from all the sniffling. I didn't want to show my weak self like this. Ethan sent me another text.
If you don't pick up, I'm coming up.
Surprised by the text, I look outside my window to find Ethan out on the sidewalk. My phone buzzed again. He wrote:
You should know I don't kid.
I stare back out at him. He presses his phone and suddenly he's calling me. I look at my phone and back to him. He nods for me to pick up. I just stare at him. He puts his phone down from his ear and texts me again.
Last chance.
He calls me again. I stare at the caller ID and back to him. He's taking a step closer to the house so I pick up.
'You know me well,' he jokes and I could hear an awkward chuckle from him, but I don't say anything. I could hear his chuckle fade.
'Can we talk? '
I stay quiet.
'Come outside and talk to me, Luce' he pleads. The tears began rolling down my face. I cry too much. It's like he controls my emotions. He can make me happy yet he's the only one to bring out the tears from my eyes.
'If you don't, I'll come to you'
I look outside the window and I don't see him anymore. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. I rush downstairs. Ethan's standing in front of the doorway with my mom in front of me. I stare at them, freaked out that he actually did that.
My mom gives me a disappointing look but whispers,' remember what you said,' before she walks away to her bedroom.
I turn to look at Ethan who's standing nervously by the door. He gives me an awkward smile but it fades when I don't smile back. I walk past him and step out the door. He closes it and follows after me. I don't know where I'm going, but I keep walking down the neighborhood sidewalk. Ethan is beside me but I stare at the ground. A breeze from the gloomy night brushes against my arms giving me goosebumps. I quickly rub my hands against my arms. Ethan noticed because he then took off his sweater and wrapped it around my shoulder. Damn him. He didn't know how much his simple cologne smell could affect me. Just from his sweater, he was already making me weak again.
'Okay, can we stop now? How much further do you want us to go?' Ethan stops.
I on the other hand continue walking. He pulls my arms and holds onto it.
'You win, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? I lose and you win. You're the winner and I'm the loser. Will me saying that make you stop?' I just stare at him in disbelief. I turn back and continue walking, but he walks faster and jumps in front of me.
'God, I'm sorry, okay? Luce, I'm sorry! What do you want me to do? ' he shouts in despair. 'Tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it. Please just talk to me, won't you?' He holds on to my shoulder and I step back. I look away so that my tears won't fall.
'Yell at me, hit me! Do something! Please!' he pleads.
I say nothing.
'AHHH' he screams. 'What do you want me to do? What the hell do you want me to do so you will talk to me? God, if you would have just told me about NYU' he says frustrated.
I shake my head because the tears have fallen now.
'I don't want you to do anything! I only wanted you like I thought all you would have wanted was me! But I was wrong! You don't want me. You want your old life back. The life before me! So go back to it! You don't need to come back and apologize for nothing!' I shout so loud that I think the neighbors could hear me. It's dark, but I could see his outline shaking his head.
'No, no... All I wanted was just you...I was wrong....I was so wrong,' he says as he takes a step closer to me. He wipes my tears and pulls me in. I sob into his chest. I soak up his cotton shirt with my tears.
'I'm sorry... I'm so sorry' he continues saying.
We go to the neighborhood park and sit on the playground. My head leans on his chest while his arms wrap around me. I'm still wearing his sweater.
'I won't do it again. Without you, I won't go back to the old me. I just keep hurting you and it hurts me. I promise if you don't tell me, I won't try to find out. I'm willing to lose now as long as I still have you,' Ethan says. I lean in closer to him.
Ethan pulls away and stand up. I look up at him confused.
He opens his arms and says,' hit me! For being such a dumb boyfriend, hit me! C'mon.'
I laugh. He smiles back.
'God, I was afraid I wouldn't hear that laugh and see that smile anymore...'
I stop laughing. I realized, I won't see that smile anymore.