CIMORELLI : All Powered Up

TWENTY FIVE : Strive to be happy

We made our way back to the house. Then Bee asked me if I could go back to the study and wait for her.

"Why?" I asked, closing the door once we got inside.

She wiped off her boots on the rug, "Listen, Kath..." pausing, looking around, "You can't tell your sisters about this..."

My chest tightened, I felt all sorts pain, pain for Bee, pain for this world, pain for the unfairness of it all.
"But why?"

"I just..."Bee said, "I don't want to ruin their time here with my , erm, problems. I shouldn't have even told you! This is such a big burden to bear--"

I stopped her by saying, "Bee, you can't go through this alone. I'm here for you."

She looked at me and gave a sigh of relief. "Thank you...that means so much." She said, hugging me tightly.

"I can't help but be scared for you..."I said, holding her at arm's length. "You can't just not get treatment, you--" she stopped me.

"You need to see something..." She said, walking towards the west wing.

I waited in her study. The light completely different from when we first came in, before it was warm, and peaceful. Now, I couldn't help but feel the chill and the gaunt air the room had.

Bee came back, holding a number of large manila envelopes. She laid them all out on the desk.

"These are my scans..." She said, "Are you sure you wanna see these?" She added lightly. "Kath, I'm so sorry I dragged you into this, this is so selfish of me.."

I disagreed, "I'm glad you told me, I can't imagine you going through this alone... and how else are we gonna form a game plan?" I said in an attempt to ease the tension.

Bee considered for a bit. Then wordlessly, she started removing the contents of the envelope and laid them out like a puzzle, forming one whole scan of her body all stretched out on the top of the desk.

I looked at the scans from head to foot, they looked like an xray of her body but the difference was there were splashes of yellows and reds and oranges on her head, her chest, part of her abdomen and peppered all over her arms and right leg.

"What do those colors mean?" I asked, pointing at them.

Bee actually chuckled, "They injected me with a special dye that would show up on the scans.." she said, she looked me in the eye and picked up one of the scans,"Those color splashes... that's the... that's the cancer."

I froze. My entire body feeling such a profound chill. "How, how is this possible?" My eyes welling up, "I can't believe this. It's... it's everywhere..." I couldn't even speak, I was too shocked.

This was all too much, it suddenly became so real, so near. I looked at Bee and couldn't believe what was going on inside her body. Her fragile, fragile body.

"I know.." Bee whispered. "I was pretty shocked too. For a minute I was convinced that they mixed up my scans with someone else's.." she said morosely.

I still couldn't talk, I just kept staring at the angry red and orange splatters scattered all over the scans. Bee saw the expression on my face and put them all away.

"Please don't be sad..." She told me, moving us over to the couch. We sat there facing each other.

I looked at her, unbelieving, "How can you be so calm about this?"

"I don't know..." she said, frowning. "I guess this just placed everything into perspective." She looked around long and hard then at me, then at the pictures all over her study, including new ones featuring my sisters and I and even some with my brothers...

She just looked at them as if trying to imprint the images straight into her brain committing them to memory.

"What did the doctors say?" I asked, wiping away my tears.

Bee smiled sadly, looking at her feet. "They gave me a year..."

That's when I completely lost it.

"NOOO! No! No!" I covered my face, trying to stifle the deep cuts going through my heart.

"Kath, please... please." Bee said, attempting to comfort me, by taking my hands in hers. My sobs impairing my hearing.

She held me close, amidst my grief, I couldn't help but admire her strength. She let me cry for a good hour, when I finally stopped, the sky had started to lighten.

"You can't tell the girls.. promise me." she said quietly. "I need you to help me.."

"Help you with what?" I asked desperately

"Help me stay happy..." she said, with a pained look on her face.

I thought about my sisters, and about how much they love it here, and how much they love Bee and all the memories we've shared in the little time we've known her... this would crush them. I wanted to say no, but

"Okay. Okay, Bee, I won't tell them." I said to her and she smiled, "But what are you gonna do now?"

Bee thought for little, "Me? I'm gonna live, Kath! I'm gonna live the best life I could ever have! I'm gonna live good!" she said, excitedly, her hands held up high "I mean, as good as a year gets me, at least!" She joked,

"How could you even kid at a time like this?" I asked her, wiping my nose.

"How can I not? I mean, would you rather I be miserable?" She said

I shook my head, "Of course not, but--"

"I'm glad you're here, Kath." She suddenly said. "You have no idea how happy I am you and your family are here. At least I get to spend some of the tail end of my life with you guys."

I felt a sudden rush of affection towards this girl. This beautiful, strong, admirable person. "Well you can't get rid of us now, Bee. We're forever friends..."

" 'Til the end?" she asked, I felt another pang in my chest, it took me a second to answer.

" 'til the end."

We spent the morning just talking, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. in those moments I stole glances in her ddirection trying to fathom how such a good person could meet an unfortunate fate like this.

"Are you in pain?" I asked her, not being able to quell my curiosity.

"You know, it's funny.." she began, "I feel perfectly fine..or maybe still numb. I dunno, but I don't feel any pain, if that's what you're worried about."

"I'm worried about a lot of things..."
I told her.

"Well stop..." she told me back, "there's no point in worrying about something you can't control."

"You're right," I resigned, "I still cannot believe this..."

We sat there in silence, then Bee spoke, "With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world." she paused, looking at me, "Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

"That sounds familiar..." I said

"It's the last line of my favorite poem..Desiderata by Max Ehrmann."

"It's a beautiful line..." I appreciated, feeling a little better.

"It's a beautiful, life." Bee said quietly, looking out at the sky, clear now from last night's rain.

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A/N

go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. - max ehrmann

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