CIMORELLI : All Powered Up

FORTY FOUR : Moving On

I stumbled into the mercifully empty bathroom. Locking the door behind me. The loud metallic clack of the bolt bouncing off of the tiled walls.

I opened the faucet and bent down, rinsing my face with cold water, shocking myself so much that I gasped out loud, breathing out, letting my skin acclimate to the temperature. I looked up and stared at myself at the mirror.

Get it together, Katherine.

And that was it.

I bawled my eyes out, struggling to keep my sobs as noiseless as possible, to not attract anyone into barging into the bathroom only to discover that I had locked the door.

In between gushes of tears, I imagined how ridiculous I looked, crying alone in the bathroom, stifling my screams with wadded up pieces of tissue paper. Oh God, please. Make it stop.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

I clamped my hand over my mouth even tighter, ignoring the sounds. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to disappear into my own black hole.

"Katherine?" I heard a muffled voice say.

I didn't answer, but whoever it was, they were not stopping.

"Katherine? Kath! It's Dani.." My eyes opened, "Open the door, please.."

I hesitated, but for some reason my legs moved forward, and my hand tore itself away from my face and reached out to unlock the door.

Dani stormed in, replacing the lock and enveloped me in a giant embrace.

At first I was confused, I didn't know why she hugged me all so suddenly.

"I'm here for you, Kath.." I heard her say. I took comfort in her words, hugging her back, my tears falling on the back of her shirt.

"It hurts so much, Dan." I finally said, my voice suddenly raw from suppressing it so much. "How do I make it stop?"

"You can't really force that stuff to happen you know?" She said.

"I can't believe she's gone.." I sobbed.

"Me too..me too.." Dani whispered.

"I dunno if I can live with this pain, Dani.. my heart hurts so much..what do I do?" I asked desperately.

My little sister held me at arm's length, staring deep into my brown eyes with her beautiful green ones and she said something I will remember forever.

"Let it hurt, Kath." She told me quietly, "Let it hurt until it can't hurt any more. Just don't bear the pain alone."

I took a deep, steadying breath. I cast my eyes down. There was another lump forming in my throat.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Dani asked me gently.

I nodded, "Yeah, sorta..but not here."

Thankfully, Dani brought her purse with her to the bathroom and she was able to fix my ruined makeup. We then exited the bathroom, strangely, no one was too eager to use it, so we hogged that thing for a good twenty minutes completely unnoticed.

We made a brief speech about wanting to walk in the city center and everyone agreed, Dani and I took the opportunity to separate ourselves from the pack and wander off on our own.

We walked for a bit, silently admiring the view, taking pictures, not really saying much to each other.

We eventually got to this really quiet park, with nice lush grass and a sprinkling of huge trees. Dani then plopped on the ground, inviting me to come sit with her.