CIMORELLI : All Powered Up

THIRTY NINE : Bad falls and Skype calls

"Come on, Bee.. you can do this." I told myself as I climbed up the ladder in my garage. I was reaching for a blank canvass to start on another piece and I had none left in my room.

I ignored the slight dizzy spells I was getting from each step up the ladder. My bruised arms shaking slightly, I managed to make it up another rung.

Finally, I was high enough to reach for a canvass right at the back of the shelf. I was panting at this point, my stamina completely shot.

Ever since my diagnosis, I felt the slow but steady decline of my strength. It hit me particularly hard a few days ago when I tried to start on a new art piece, and I couldn't even open the paint can.

This was me trying to ignore the fact that the cancer was taking claim over my body. I continued to reach for the canvass, "Come ooon, it's so close, just freaking grab the thing!"

I strained, my feet aching from balancing on the narrow lladder but still I clawed at the wooden canvass frame. Suddenly I felt a jolt of pain surge from my chest and my vision started to fade. For a few moments I felt a sensation of slowly falling asleep, then I realized I was just plain falling.

"Aaah!" I hit the concrete floor with a heavy thud, the ladder falling with me, making a clattering sound that echoed on the walls of my garage.

My body screamed in pain, I closed my eyes, everything was spinning. In my dazed state, I managed to coax my phone out of my jean pocket and speed dialled my doctor. I blacked out right after I heard her answer.

"Jesus, Beatrix, what were you even doing on a ladder?" My doctor said, examining me in my office.

"I wanted to paint.." I muttered, like and insolent child.

She busied herself taking my blood pressure, checking for anything broken, cataloging the new bruises covering the old ones. After listening to my heart, she said, "Well, aside from the obvious, I don't see anything wrong with you.."

I actually laughed, "You're funny.."

She rolled her eyes and handed me an ice pack, "Just, no more ladders."

After I made the house call, my doctor rushed in and brought me to the house, because I couldn't bring myself to have Angel take me to the doctors. I hadn't even told her yet. I couldn't.

It's been about three weeks since the girls left. I'd been Skyping them whenever they weren't busy, or whenever I felt well enough. Today wasn't going to be one of those days. I was just thankful that they were pretty preoccupied getting ready for their European tour.

"Beatrix," My doctor said, "I know you're well past the point of chemotherapy, but there are many other ways that you--" I cut her off,

"No. I don't want to subject my body to any more pain." I said, "I can barely even hold a paintbrush, what more if I have tubes and needles stuck in me?"

My doctor gave me a long look and sighed, "It sounds like you're giving up, Bee."

"I'm not." I said, sullenly.

"Then what are you doing? Refusing treatment isn't really a sign of wanting to get better.." She said in the most blunt manner.

I averted my eyes. "I just wanna be normal, doc."

My doctor just sighed, "Well then, all I can do is help you with the pain." She said, pulling out a refill on my pain meds, "Don't overdo it on the pills, Beatrix." She said, before handing over the fresh bottle.

I snorted, "What's the worst it could do, kill me? Hahahaha!" I stopped smiling when I saw my doctor's face. " Come on, doc. Lighten up, it's just a bit of my morbid sense of humor."

She just clucked her tongue in a motherly way, "Just be careful."

I spun the bottle in my hand, and nodded quietly. "Thanks. I will."

The doctor left shortly after that and once again, I was alone with my thoughts.

I opened my laptop, remembering to check the emails that the younger Cimorelli sisters had sent me.

I opened the email with the subject line : Amoroa Winter Collection 2016

In the email, were attachments full of Dani's familiar scribbles and sketches, and Lauren's fabric samples. Amy had written a very nice proposal about adding a 'country-chic' line to the fall and winter collections for the permanent run through. I adjusted the icepack sitting on my sore shoulder and perused the entirety of their email and was pretty impressed by the amount of work they'd done for the shop considering how busy they were. I sent them a quick reply and forwarded their attachments to the style team with my approval.

I felt a digging pain behind my eyeballs, so I closed them momentarily and laid back on my office chair. My hand instinctively reached for the bottle of pain pills in my pocket, but I remembered I just took one about an hour ago. Instead, I clenched my fists to let the wave of pain pass.

"This can't be it." I muttered to myself, "Don't make the pain win, Bee."

I took a steadying breath, the last few dregs of pain leaving, "Don't make the pain win."

As if on cue, the doors of my office burst open, the sound startled me and I almost jumped out of my seat, tge ice pack falling on the floor only to see Angel storming in.

I watched her walk urgently towards my desk and as she got closer, I saw her face. Oh, she was mad.

She banged one hand on my desk, the other gripping her phone like a vise and then she looked at me furiously, it took me a while to notice that there were also tears streaming down her face.

"CANCER, BEE?! REALLY?!" She yelled, collapsing on the chair in front of me.

"I-- , You-- , how did you find out?" I asked, unable to form cohesive sentences.

Wordlessly, she showed me her phone, I looked with big eyes and saw,

"Christina..." I said, biting my tongue, and looking away from her face, "Hello, big sister."

"Don't you big sister me!" Christina said through FaceTime then she disconnected, a few seconds later, I hear the familiar tune of a Skype call on my computer.

Even thousands of miles away, I could feel her exact emotions as I saw her face enlarged on my screen. "How can you call me big sister if you wouldn't even let me help you with your problems?!" She asked desperately, angry tears forming in the corners of her eyes, "Bee, I told you! I told you, you could come to me for anything! ANYTHING! And now I had to find out you had a terminal disease THREE FREAKING WEEKS AFTER WE LEAVE?!"

I stared at my hands, unable to answer.

"Well?" Angel said, "Why didn't you tell us, Bee? Are we not important to you at all?!"

I bolted out of my seat, "Okay, I'm sorry!" I blurted out, I cradled my arms, walking in a circle.

"Well, speak!" Christina demanded, her voice crackling on the speakers since she was yelling so loud.

"Yeah, Bee. Talk now!" Angel added in her bossy tone.

I shut my eyes, unable to hold it any longer, "I SAID I'M SORRY!" I paused, trying to find the right words, "It's bad enough that a doctor tells you that you're dying! Imagine having to break that bit of bad news to every single person you love again and again and again?! I have had sleepless nights trying to figure out how to tell you, but it breaks my heart every single time I imagine seeing the looks on your faces when I say I HAVE FREAKING CANCER!"

I stopped my tirade. My heart beat fast, and I was panting. Angel now just sat there, looking at me with a hopeless face. Christina on the other hand was far from hopeless. I looked at her, her expression unreadable.

"You're not going through this alone." She finally said, echoing her sisters.

Slowly, I nodded, believing her.

"Okay..." I said, " Okay."

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A/N

cat's out of the bag, guys.. now what happens?

b