Light Upon Light

#24 The Beginning of Chaos

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu!

Hey dear readers. So today's chapter is heavy on the emotional side. Might want to grab a few chocolate bars...

Enjoy reading!

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#24 The Beginning of Chaos

'So with these words, I conclude my speech. Thank you and have a nice day!'

I took a step back and sighed. It still wasn't as perfect as I wanted it to be. Either I kept mixing up the words or my voice just betrayed me. I was getting more tired and unmotivated by the minute. Walking away from the mirror I went to my desk put down the script of my speech and took up the lyrics of the Islamic group song.

Clearing my throat a few times, I started singing. It was an Arabic song so I did have a slight difficulty pronouncing the words.

'Allahu Allahu Allahu Allah...' my voice wavered on the last note.

Feeling frustrated and angry with myself I threw the papers away. Just then Di came to my room with a steaming mug in her hand. I probably didn't want to drink it. Not kaada again.

'Juni give it a rest hon. You're going to get yourself sick of you go on like this,' she chided.

She forced me to sit by the window seat and she sat right next to me. Thrusting the mug out to me she said, 'Drink up.'

'Not icky kaada again. I'm sick of the stuff!' I said making a face.

'Stop with the drama. It's just ginger tea. I promise it'll taste good.'

'I'm taking your word for it.'

'All stressed for such a silly thing. Samar and you need to tone it down. I thought you guys made up... but you're both out to do God alone knows what,' Di said sternly.

I looked down into the amber liquid, refusing to meet di's eyes. How could I explain to her that I'm not just competing with Samar. How could I tell her that I need to prove to myself that I'm just as skilled, just as talented as I've always been. Stupid insecurities have been plaguing me ever since I met Najwa and my self confidence has taken a hit.

How could I just casually mention all of these feelings inside me?

And Di also had burdens of her own. We had sent Di's photos to Fareed's family last week. We are still waiting for a response from them. As each day passed by Di just felt more worried. Even though she didn't express it, I could see it in the way her shoulders were slumped, the way she seemed to frown a lot. She never showed her distress in front of the rest of the family, but when it was just the two of us she failed to put up a solid front.

Honestly speaking I was starting to question this proposal. All we knew about them personally was little and everything else came from secondary sources. On the whole though it did seem like a good proposal, it just didn't give a positive vibe. But that was just my opinion. And maybe Samar's too.

Samar didn't like any proposal for that matter. As far as he was concerned Di was perfectly fine as she was. She needed no man in her life for anything. He was there to provide for her and fulfil all her needs apparently. And if she wanted kids she could adopt orphan babies it seems. He has a whole plan sorted out for her.

It was hilarious really.

He was worrying about the Cultural fest at school and had a face that looked like it was bit by a hornet every time Di's wedding was mentioned.

'Well Di... what do you propose I do then?' I asked as I took small sips of the tea.

I wouldn't admit to her that I was actually enjoying the taste. But she would know anyway. Di is the kind of person who doesn't speak too much, but is very observant. Be it a simple matter like me enjoying the tea or something as important as my feelings going haywire.