Light Upon Light

#33 The Build up to Drama

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu

Here is the next update. It's kind of fillerish and lacks action. It's not my favorite chapter, but there are bits I like. Hope you enjoy reading it.
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#33 The Build up to Drama

In all my short sixteen years of existence, I've never allowed anybody or anything to shake me up so bad. And if anything did effect me I made sure of never displaying my true feelings. That is what I'd like to believe.

After that one idiotic breakup, I never let a guy get to me. Dad sent me back here, I never let it break me down. I lost every thing I had back in the place I once considered my home. But I moved on.

And Alhamdulilah a lot of those things benefited me in ways I couldn't comprehend before.

My trysts with Mom.

It was one of the things that effected the most. The jealousy and negativity it brought in me, I never displayed. Always, I always put on a brave and strong face. My confidence never wavered.

And then Allah sent Zaid Hashim into my life.

Of all the tests in my life, he is the most toughest and taxing one.

For once, a guy jilted me. He ignored me, avoided me and made me question myself. But he also protected me in his own way. He was part of my family and by extension part of my life. But we hardly ever interacted more than a few minutes. Thoughts about him plagued me. Feelings for him rose in me without my permission. He fascinated me. And yet, I wonder if the same happens to him.

This one guy has wormed into my life in such a manner, that I allowed Azhar to get to me. For his sake. Wherever that snake is, he must be laughing in triumph. He must be feeling gleeful that he has focused all attention on us in such a negative manner. He probably thinks he can control me now. He might be assuming that he now knows my weakness.

And the worst probability is that he might be right.

All because of Zaid Hashim.

Post that eventful lunch break I couldn't focus. My thoughts were a mess, my head was pounding because of the chaos within. Shikha and Najwa followed us to class and only left after the bell rang. I was dazed and didn't pay attention as Lia and the two of them had a heated discussion.

There was a part of me, trying to make sense of things. To fit everything together. And that part of me realized that Lia was as much out of the loop as I was. She was asking Najwa and Shikha for answers. Haseeb had also joined them having heard all that happened from one of the other boys in class.

But all of that was muted background noise to me.

Frustration coursed through me. I was feeling stupid. That I let these things make me react so much was annoying me. I felt hitting myself black and blue until I gained control and stopped acting like all of this was a huge deal.

So what if there was something between Zaid and Najwa? So what if Azhar was just doing this out of spite? So what if I liked Zaid? So what if Zaid didn't care? So what if Samar was being an ass? So what if Azhar was just doing all of this to make me angry or Zaid angry?

Why should all of this matter at all?

In the end, I went to the office and called Chachu. I told him I was feeling unwell and wanted to go home. He said he'd come to get me in half an hour. I went and informed Saira ma'am.

'What's wrong Juni? You seemed fine in the morning.' She said, pausing her work to stare at me.

'Stuff happened and I can't focus on classes. I need to go home,' I said. The urgency in my tone was more than I had intended. And Saira ma'am caught on to it.