"Little Girl" - lrh

30

"Luke, honey, what the hell are you doing?" Jess' hands massaged my shoulders while I typed away on the computer, having downed seven cups of coffee and maybe two shots of vodka.

"I'm trying to apply for a decent job. I need something that'll pay me more than what I'm making, obviously. But where I can support you both and still have money to just spend," I explained, sending in my third, and last, application of the day.

"What's wrong with the job you have now? You're so good at it and you make plenty," she kissed my cheek and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. "plus, if you want something that'll pay you more, it could potentially take you away from Alice. Is that what you want?"

"Well, no, but this job already does take me away from her. I want to work somewhere worth it."

"Luke Robert Hemmings, I have never thought I'd live to hear you say you would be okay with being away from that girl," her tone may have been light, but her words were pained.

"I'm not okay with it, not in the slightest," I rubbed my forehead, a headache growing increasingly fast that I knew wouldn't go away anytime soon.

"When was the last time you slept?" I opened my mouth to answer, but Jessica cut me off. "A full six hours or more with no interruptions?"

"I don't know," I admitted, keeping my probably bloodshot eyes locked to the computer screen. "maybe last week? A week and a half ago?"

"Hemmings," she rubbed my back in large, slow circles, causing me to get drowsy. "you're growing up way too fast."

"I'm growing up just fine, Jess."

"You've been a dad since you were 17 to a girl that isn't even yours," well, she wasn't entirely wrong. "now, you tell me that isn't growing up too fast."

"I love her regardless."

"I know you do, baby. I know you do."

I read over the journal entry a couple times, remembering this day clearly, how Jessica told me I needed to slow down, stop stressing and worrying over problems that weren't necessarily mine to care for. Which, as always, ended up being my little Alice Riley.

I've had the journal for the past few days now, accidentally on purpose not telling Ashton about it. I never had knowledge of this and I'm a little curious what Jess may have had to say about us.

Well, stuff she hasn't already said to me or Alice. Every other page has something to do with she noticed how more and more attached I had gotten to her daughter, and to be honest, the way she wrote it made me sound like an actual pedophile.

Each word though is like help to the stupid puzzle she left me with, telling me how I love Alice different from how I love her. With how I treated her (still do), I would've thought the same thing if I were in Jess' shoes. The only thing I'll never know is if it hurt to watch her husband fall in love with her daughter.

What did it feel like to watch someone you were married to become infatuated with your kid? She had to have been upset at first, no matter how many times she told me she wanted Alice with me. Jessica wasn't exactly Calum's biggest fan either, but did she ever wish that maybe Alice would love him instead? To save her marriage with me? To prevent me from ever catching feelings?

All of these questions and none of the answers are in this book.

I slam it shut, tossing it in the box that Ash set aside to pick up later. Everyone calls me a pack rat when he's hoarding a bunch of useless stuff that could've gone to Alice. But, he bought some of it, he wants it back, I guess. Kind of glad I won't be taking much of anything that belonged to Jess to our new home. The last thing we need is bringing old life to the new one. Makes moving on harder.