Sirius & Eliza ▼ Sirius Black Love Story

TWENTY SEVEN

I didn't want to get out of bed. My emotions hadn't healed in the six hours of partial sleep that I had gotten. My friends started asking questions when I wouldn't talk to them. They wouldn't understand though, I hadn't even told them about the first time, and surely they wouldn't understand why it had happened a second time. Reluctantly, I got out of bed at half past nine to catch the stragglers breakfast. The toast tasted like cardboard as I slowly chewed, almost unable to get it down. 

If I had seen myself in the mirror that day, I would have told myself that I looked like death. But I hadn't, and only subconsciously thrown on proper clothes, which were probably crumpled, miss-matched and maybe even inside out.

"You look awful, have a bit too much to drink?" Sirius said as he slid onto the bench beside me and took a piece of toast, buttering and spreading jam on it. He looked to be in great spirits on the contrary to me. 

"Thanks for noticing, I didn't have a great night last night." I told his quietly as I put down the quarter eaten piece of toast. He didn't seem to notice my tone and he munched on his own breakfast. 

"Well, I had a great night. Katalina from Ravenclaw was a delight." He continued. 

"How are you not hungover?" I asked him quietly, he was so energetic and totally missing the point that I wanted to tell him something. 

"It's not as bad as it's been before, besides, my minds not on it right now." He finished with a smirk. I broke a little smile and shoved him sideways. He snorted and looked at me from the corner of his eye with a smile, but it dropped after a second.

"I'm going to go back to the common room, see you later, Sirius." I said and got up from the Gryffindor table and walked out of the hall. 

"Eliza, wait!" I stopped when I heard his voice. He caught up to me in a matter of seconds and I turned around. 

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked me as he placed a hand on my arm. I moved away fast, as a skittish reflex. He noticed it and didn't try again. 

"It happened again, okay. I don't feel like talking about it." I said and turned around, "Or talking at all." I mumbled and walked away. There may have been a period of time that I might have been willing to, but not anymore. It hurt to much to think about it.  

"Why didn't you tell me when it happened? I want to help, Eliza, but I can't if you won't let me." He stepped into stride with me. 

"I needed your help yesterday. Now, it doesn't matter, just leave me alone, Sirius." 

"Don't shut me out. Eliza, you can't keep quiet about these things. I care about you and I just want you to feel better. Why aren't you letting me?" I almost felt like he was pleading with me, but I wasn't sure.

"Okay, Sirius. I don't think you really care about me. If you did, maybe you wouldn't have gotten yourself drunk and in a broom closet with Katalina from Ravenclaw, and maybe you would have paid attention and helped me when I really needed it." I felt like crying and shouting and screaming all at once. Maybe I was finally feeling jealous about all the times Sirius has gone out with other girls. But I don't think that my frame of mind was right, and as soon as I said it, I felt like I wanted to take it back right away. His face broke my heart. 

"Right, you are extremely on the nose with that one, I don't care about you at all. But how was I supposed to know that I was your au pair. Jesus, I can't believe you." He stopped walked and put his hands on his head. My face was scrunched and full of tears as I ran away from the scene. I can't believe that I ruined a perfectly amazing relationship with one of my favourite people over something that could have happened but was stopped before it got out of hand. I was a mess. 

"Eliza, you alright?" Lily came up to our dorm where I had just run into from bursting into the common room. She had probably told the other girls to wait downstairs, which I'm glad for. I sat up and wiped my eyes on my sleeve as she took a seat on the edge of my bed. 

"Lily, I think I need to tell you something." I told her quietly.

"Anything." 

It was hard to tell her and it took me a hard minute to start and after that, it was as if the flood gates were opened. Every single detail that had been locked up inside me fell free. Lily sat there quietly, without talking until I finished, and even then, she was shocked with silence. 

"And now I've ruined everything." 

"Eliza, how could you not tell anyone about this? We could have helped you, provided support, even got someone with authority to help." She reasoned with me as she placed a hand on my shoulder. I flinched slightly but she left it on there. 

"I told you, Dumbledore, Mcgonagall and Munter all know. I'm not sure what else to do." I whispered to her. 

"About last night too?" Lily asked me. I shook my head and she sighed a little, looking away, out the window. It was a good idea to tell her. I mean, she was my twin sister after all, but sometimes I think that maybe she judged me a little too hard about things that happened to me, or things I did.

"Okay, we can deal with this, yeah? And as for Sirius, I think that both of you didn't mean what you said and he'll come to his senses. As for right now, steer clear, let him blow off some steam and he'll come back. Just stick with me for a bit, lay low and focus on that tournament and not getting killed." She gave me a hug as a few other of my friends crept up the stairs. I wondered if they had heard any or all of it. But one by one, they came and surrounded us, giving us one big bear hug. I must say that it did cheer me up a little, and made me let out a laugh, just a small one, but it was a start. A start to a new perspective. 

The days turned into weeks, and the weeks to months and I steered clear of him, his friends and anything that made me think about him. It wasn't because I fancied him and felt like I was going over a heartbreak, it was because in the short period of a few months, we had become friends, something I never knew would happen. And I liked that. 

Life had become dull, with no laughing or jokes, and all I felt was pain. I desperately wanted to talk to him again and to see him laughing as his eyes lit up with amusement. But I powered through the months, with only homework and coursework and extra library book readings. The time to learn apparition was upon us as well and I had to pass. I couldn't rely on other means of transportation much longer. But I needed to focus more on this tournament because the only way I was going to prepare for what was coming up in a month was practice. I had no idea what I might face, and I worked tirelessly to take my mind off of everything. The time had finally come, I was facing the most important challenge in my life. The one that most champions died attempting. But I wasn't nervous, my hands didn't shake when I thought of it, I just felt numb, and mind was wordlessly filled to the brim with most likely useless information. I was as ready as I could possibly be.