Me? A Model! I have 10 siblings!! (Lauren Cimorelli Fanfiction)

Ch.27 Cracked

TWO WEEKS LATER:

"Lauren, for God's sake stop tapping on the freaking table," said Dani, slapping the table with her palm.

I snapped out of my daydream and looked at her, clueless of what she said.

"Huh??"

"Forget about it, have you finished the book yet??"

"What book??"

"The book you're holding."

I looked at my hand to realize I was holding a book. Interesting.

"Oh, no I haven't."

"What?? Lauren, are you okay?? Did anything happen in Milan or Idaho or anytime before that?"

"No, why would you ask that??"

"Because, this is my THIRD book. And I'm probably the slowest reader in the family. Definitely slower than you are."

"I know that Dani, but my book is much more difficult to understand than yours."

"Okay, whatever."

I looked at the book I was holding, I've only read like twenty pages of the whole thing. And I didn't understand anything. I wasn't actually reading, I was just looking at the words. They were just words that didn't make any sense, or maybe they did - I just didn't get the 'sense'.

I looked at the words again, trying to actually read the novel but my mind kept drifting off somewhere else. Somewhere better known as Idaho or Milan. Somewhere better known as 'with Jayden'.

All I could do these days was think about him, everything: how he looked like, how his cologne smelled like, and how he built a wall around him to keep me out. He wasn't like any other boy I broke up with, no he was different. And I knew it.

What really invaded my mind was the thought of what would have happened if I told him all the unsaid things before I left. What would have happened if I told him I liked him, would he say it back?? Or will he reject me?

Looking back, I really wish I did tell him. Both of us were attracted to each other, that part was obvious, but was he ready to get in a relationship with anyone?? Or did he just want to have fun with Veronica??

But the thing is, if he was ready for a relationship, why hadn't he called?? Mia called me twice in the past two weeks, and was regularly texting as well. But he totally forgot about me, which kept me wondering: Is it that easy to forget me?? Because, damn, it was freaking hard to forget him.

"LAUREN!!!"

I snapped out of my thoughts again. Well technically, that's all I ever do these days.

"Huh??"

Dani sighed an annoyed and angry sigh then said: "Christina is calling you."

I looked for my phone in my pockets the on the table but I couldn't find it.

"What are you doing??"

"I'm looking for my phone."

Dani slapped her face - quite literally- then said: "Christina is upstairs. She's calling you by name. D-o y-o-u u-n-d-e-r-s-t-a-n-d??"

"Umm......yeah."

I took the stairs and headed towards Christina's room.

"Did you call me??"

Christina was folding clothes that were fresh from the laundry. Or not. I didn't know and I didn't particularly care.

"I did. And you apparently were too busy zoning out to hear me."

"I was just thinking."

"About him??"

Her question caught me off-guard, Christina was the only one who knew I liked Jayden. Even though I did deny it, Christina didn't buy it and she knew about us. Christina knew everything about me, so that would only make sense.

"Who's him??" I asked, pretending not to know. Pretending I forgot.

"I think you know who: Jayden."

My mouth opened slightly like I wanted to say something, like I wanted to deny it or laugh at how silly the idea was, but nothing came out. I was sick, and I needed a Batman/Robin talk.

"What about him??!"

Even though I wanted to talk, I didn't want it to look like I really cared. I didn't want it to look like I was dying to get him back, even if I was.

"Come on, Lauren. You're ALWAYS thinking about him. Lisa told me you barely sleep at night, and Dani said you barely study. So what are you doing then?? Thinking??"

"They told you?? Why would they do that?? I didn't tell you when Lisa used your toothbrush or when Dani hid your favorite boots and you spent a whole day looking for them. But of course they had to tell you because poor Lauren, she's dying from the inside."

"Lisa used my toothbrush?? That's gross. But Lauren, we both know that the reason they told me was that they cared about you. We both know that so stop denying it and stop blaming them for caring."

"I don't want them to care."

"No, you don't. You want him to care. But they're the next best thing. Why?? Because you might not want them to care, but you need them to care. Because you need care.

I cracked.

My string was pulled. It was pulled till it reached its limit.

Now I'm cracked.

"Why did I leave him??" I said, tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Because you had to."

"I left, but he didn't leave with me."

"His job and his family are there, and your job and family are here."

"But he was like family to me."

"I know."

I hugged Christina tightly, just like I hugged him weeks ago.

I was cracked.

He pulled my string way too far.

And I very stupidly let him pull me harder.

Pull me farther.

But then he let me go, he let the string go all at once.

All in one go.

And the pain was all reflected on me.

I gained the pain.

He lost me.

"I wish I never left my real family. I wish I never left home. I wish I never met him."