You Can't Hide Forever (boyxboy)

Chapter 32

*Jax's POV*

I couldn't think. I was overwhelmed with the thought of what just happened between me and Oliver. I didn't even realize I slapped him until I had a stinging in my hand with Oliver's head turned to the side and the slight redness forming on his cheek.

I don't know what happened and I didn't want to face him after what I did. I'm not a violent person but somehow I hurt the only person I cared for as more than a friend or brother. I don't blame Oliver if he hates me because I'm starting to hate myself.

The slap wasn't called for, I know. A simple shove would have been enough but of course my brain thought it would be fine to lap him.

Pathetic. I couldn't even enjoy a kiss I've been waiting for without stupid actions taking over. I didn't even have time to enjoy the kiss because I didn't know what Oliver thought.

He must have saw the way I looked at Jackson and Riley back at the restaurant and felt bad for me since I was always so caught up with everything I didn't have time for anyone else. I didn't want anyone else.

I didn't think I would be ignoring him this long but I just couldn't face him. It was embarrassing having to walk into that house with everyone laughing and talking and here I was ruining the atmosphere.

It wasn't until I heard the familiar voice of Ford saying "Yes I won!" until I realized people were actually betting on me and Oliver. Don't get me wrong, I was happy for Ford but it still didn't make me feel any better.

My mom had come into my room that day a look of pity on her face. I didn't want anybody's pity. I was already feeling guilty about what I did, I didn't need everyone else breathing down my neck.

She asked me what happened and I explained everything to her. The feelings of confusion, guilt, and I was surprised to explain anger. I was confused because I couldn't wrap my head around why Oliver would kiss me. I was guilty of slapping him and walking away when I should have handled it differently.

That's the thing; I didn't know how to handle it.

I wasn't prepared for the rush emotions from just a kiss. Everything in that kiss was just proving how deep I was with Oliver. And I couldn't help but feel that he didn't feel the same.

I couldn't handle that. I couldn't handle giving my heart away to someone who might throw it away. I knew Oliver wasn't that type of person but of course everyone will have doubts if suddenly their best friend, who they like, kisses them out of nowhere.

Questions kept swarming in my head.

Why did he kiss me?

Why did I slap him?

Why couldn't I accept the fact Oliver may somehow like me back or at least like me as much as I liked him?

Why? Why? Why?

The more I thought about it, the more I hated myself. My mom tried to get me to talk to her but I couldn't voice what I was feeling yet, i hardly knew what I was feeling anymore. it's almost as if I became numb to everything. I was going about the days doing the same thing.

Sleep, get up, eat, avoid Oliver, eat again and repeat.

I could tell I frustrated everyone to no end. I wasn't even angry any more. I tried to stay at my house as long as possible so I didn't have to go back to the apartment but duty calls.

Mickael had called me say‒no‒ordering me to go back to the apartment. I said my goodbyes to everyone at the house and made my way back to Jackson's apartment. I think Oliver was avoiding the apartment too because I usually saw him at that gang house if I went there. Most of the time I had to go there for training but I never saw Oliver when I went back. And this was a couple of weeks ago.

Jackson's dogs, and cats yes cats plural since he got more animals one day, helped me not think of the situation I landed myself in. I have my suspicions that Kailee helped with the selection but I'm glad she got to choose them.

I wasn't completely alone in the apartment. I mean besides the dogs were here but Kingston was here as well. Jackson didn't like leaving his dogs alone, especially the untrained ones.

I was playing with Booger, something I found myself doing a lot of, and playfully wrestling with him when I felt a nudge to my leg. I looked over to find another one of Jackson's dogs I couldn't think of the name, sitting near me just staring. She was looking at me as if she knew everything that was going on and it creeped me out.

I held out a toy that Booger was playing with and the dog approached it hesitantly but once she knew I wasn't a threat immediately latched her mouth on the toy to play tug of war. I knew I was getting stronger with each training session but the dog was stronger. She almost pulled me down on my stomach but I quickly let go allowing her to drop the toy.

She picked it up and sat it down in front of me and sat back. When I went to reach for it she put her paw on my hand. I looked up at her as if I was going to ask permission to grab the toy which I found odd but these dogs were very smart.

Booger came over and sat next to me observing the exchange between me and the other dog. He seemed to get excited because his tail hit me every time it swished back and forth. It also looked as if he was smiling since his tongue was hanging out of his mouth. He playfully nudged my arm and pointed with his nose to the other dog.

"I'm going, jeez no need to be pushy," I said with the first laugh I gave in weeks. Booger seemed to narrow his eyes at me and nudge me again a couple times as if he was joking around, silly dog.

I nudged him back with my elbow and an actual, genuine smile. I looked at the other dog and she almost looked approvingly at us and then just walked away. I scrunched my eyebrows at the confusing actions of the dog...oh I remember her name now. Her name is Echo. I can't believe I forgot that. I would have a hard time remembering the other dogs' names but Ace, Echo and Booger were the original three dogs Jackson had in the apartment. Ace and Echo were more trained than Booger but Booger was younger than them so he still had more training to go through.

Booger looked at me and whined a bit, "What?" I asked him. He pulled on my shirt and I took that as my cue to stand up. He started walking away and I followed him back into my room. "Okay, why are we in here?"

He grabbed the pillow Oliver usually sleeps on and brought it over to me with a whine. I grabbed the pillow from his mouth and looked down at it then looked at him. I raised my eyebrows in question. He narrowed his eyes at me but this time I could tell he was serious.

"I know this is Oliver's pillow. Does this have anything to do with why I haven't talked to Oliver?" I asked Booger as if he understood me and he probably did if he was being trained like Ace and Echo were. He gave a little yip as if agreeing with me.

"Okay," I dragged on not sure what his meant. Then as if it dawned on me.

"You want me to start talking to him again?

Another yip of agreement.

It's decided I was officially crazy for talking with a dog who can somehow understand me.

"You're just like Jackson when speaking to them like that," I heard Kingston say behind me. It didn't really come as a shock since he was usually silent. I nodded in agreement thinking on what I had to do.

I need to stop being a coward and talk with Oliver...