Line of Time

The Letter From Him

The news of Tino's death spread like wild fire though the school after it had reached his family. Matt broke down and sobbed for what felt like forever but he knew that Tino didn't mean to leave them, he had just walked away to clear his mind... He was sure that Tino didn't realize that how cold he was, he remembered teasing him in a playful way that the cold was his element and that he was probably a snow man in a past life... Matt was the first one to realize that Tino was fine on the other side of the veil. He would have his real form there, his make soul could be at peace due to the physical form of a female being shed from himself. 

Oliver fainted when he heard the news only after letting out a sort of scream and sob mixed into one. His mother sobbed and could not get out of bed, his father punched a hole in the wall and shut himself in the den. Everyone was crying and then there was Ron, he seemed to feel the worse about the mess. He went to school the next day. He was dressed in black, the school was mourning and grief councilors were on hand to help students to cope with the fact that a student was not going to be with them anymore. 

Ron walked up to his sibling's locker, his eyes red as Matt looked over from his own locker. His eyes were also filled with tears as he shut his locker door and looked up at the taller male student. 

"...Do you know his combination?..." Matt asked as Ron looked at him with shock on his face, Matt backed away a little at his gaze... 

"His... His combination . . . I forgot he even had a locker to be honest." Ron said as he smiled to himself as he realized he finally used the right pronounces for his brother... He felt ten times worse now. All he needed to open his eyes was his brother freezing to death and he hadn't been around anymore to hear him admit that he saw him as a brother and not just a freak. He punched the locker and made a pretty bad dent in the metal. The last time he had spoken to Tino he had degraded him as a human being, he had called so many names... He felt responsible for his sudden death. 

"Here..." Matt said quietly as he handed Ron his pile of books as the taller student tended his hurt hand for a moment. Matt stood in front of Tino's locker for less then a minute and the lock dropped to the ground.

"How did you know his combination so well?..." Ron asked a little stunned by the speed he opened the lock. 

"I didn't, I can pick the hell out of any lock though... It was easier then digging through our old conversations to find it . . . Oh hello there, what are you." Matt said as he pulled the door open and picked up the letter that was tapped to the door. 

"I think it's meant for you... There's not much in his locker... so I guess I can lock it again?" Matt asked as he handed Ron the letter as he took back his books and picked up the lock. Ron nodded as Matt put it back on the locker and Ron broke the seal on the envelope. Inside he pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper. He opened it and felt his heart break as he saw his brother's soft flowing hand writing covering the page in black ink.

"To who ever finds this...

I wanted to write down my thoughts, so you're the one who gets to know what goes on in my head... I always knew I was different. I knew I wasn't like all the girls at my schools. I knew I wasn't like how everyone saw a girl. I never felt right in my body. I knew someone was missing and when I went to school for the first time. Other kids knew that too... I was bullied a lot, mom tried to make t stop and it did for a while but it never did. Teachers told me to change my behavior so I could fit in and the kids wouldn't bother me. That didn't work either, I wasn't going to let myself become one of the snot nosed brats that picked on me because I hated pink and dresses. 

They pushed me down, ribbed and ruined my clothes. Made me cry and hate the world around me in my youth. It's too late to go back and get my childhood back now. It's long pasted and forgotten. I had asked my mom once when I grow a penis and be like my father and brothers. I was three years old when I asked this, I never saw myself as a girl,  knew who I was, I wanted to grow up to be taller then them all, I'm currently shorter then them all and I have not grown for two years... I wanted to have a bread and body hair, I am told to shave mu legs and armpits because a woman should not have hair. I have tried to shave my face and nothing grows, only fuzz that is not visible. I do not have chest hair or broad shoulders. I have hips and an ass. I hate this form I have been cursed with. I used to go to bed and wish that a spell would occur and change me, then my parents would see. 

I remember so many nights I went to bed in tears, silently as tears soaked my pillow I would pray and hope to anyone and everything in this world that I could wake up tomorrow and be in a boy's body. I wished this life was  a bad dream. I wished that I would die in my sleep and never have o see this form again. 

When we would go on trips and be in a car or mode or transit of any kind. I would think of all the times a car could crash into us. I remember thinking if we every did get into something like that, I would make my best effort to take off my seat belt so I could be thrown out. I wanted to die so much when I was a child. My mom told me, that I was a child and I should not be stressed or depressed because I am a child. But these feelings fallow me like a second shadow... 

I know was meant to be male at birth. Something far beyond my own mind tells me this. My soul shouts it when I hear that name they have given me. It shouts in a way that I do not understand, not in English but... I don't know what but I understand it. It shouts my name and I can't help but sob when I feel this pain while I sleep. It feels like I have lost everyone I care about. It feels like I have left my family or that they have died, but I am still here. I'm alone here... But I know there was a time that I was not alone and I can't wait for someone to tell me that I'm not alone anymore...

-Tino"

Ron took in a deep shaky breath as he folded the letter and put it back inside. He held it to his chest as he stomped away. He went outside to the football field and sobbed on the bleachers. He sat there as some of his teammates saw him but didn't dare go near him. They knew that he needed to get this out, he needed to coop and if this was his way... They were just grateful that he hadn't decided to take it out on another student or one of them. They still knew that that was a treat so they kept their distance from him for a while as he came to terms with his emotions. They knew that he wouldn't return to them once he was ready and there was no need to force this.