Pizza Boy ★ joshler {completed}

Chapter 20- josh

When baby's shirt up

When look at his ass too thooooo

The shine of the handcuffs on Ryan's wrists bother me.

The police take him away roughly.

Brendon has his arm around me, and I want Josh.

I want to see him. I want to know he's okay. I want to know if he still loves me. I want everything back.

I just want Josh.

After what happened with Ryan I need Josh. More. Than. Ever.

As cheap and corny as it sounds, I have never felt the same way with anyone else.

I feel igniting when I see him. Just the thought of him makes my mouth crease into a smile. I need him In my life or I'm nothing. And i will feel like nothing. I feel successful with him, not uninspired or used. I feel like a straight up rainbow. Not even cause I'm gay, but just the feeling of a rainbow. I feel happy. Happy like I never was as a child. Happy like I never was in high school. Happy like I never was. Never was. Never. Was. I want to feel happy for no reason. And I felt everything like that with Josh. Tears start forming on the creases of my eyes.

There's no other way to express I miss Josh.

Nothing

Brendon couldn't and wouldn't understand. He's not ugly like me, he's charming and always gets the guys.

All I am is a loser. With no friends. Boyfriend. Or anyone who loves him. And all I should do is just kill myself and be forgotten of all of this shit.

But I can't ever bring myself to do it.

Can't ever bring myself to do it or anything.

Can't commit.

Can't commit to anything, not even a fucking relationship.

And that's why I'm here.

That's why I'm in the position I'm in now, and why I'm in my bed laying down, rotting.

Rotting till I die or until I convince myself to die earlier.

***

Two months later

After two months I've barely showered, barely ate anything. And now I'm skinnier than ever.

Brendon came over a few times in the past couple months to see if I'm okay. I put on a smile for him, but the sadness behind it is almost pushing past the smile, like a person trying to push through Saran Wrap.

Yet each time Brendon is over the Saran Wrap keeps getting thinner.

Brendon bought me a new phone to communicate with society, speaking of communicating, I'm getting a text from Brendon as of right now.

Breadbasket: I ordered u a pizza, last time I saw u u were realLy skinny...u gotta eat

Tylerr: thanks...

Breadbasket: I want u to text me later yeah?

Breadbasket: I need to make sure ur okay

Tylerr: k whatever thanks for pizza

Breadbasket: ;-)

I shut my phone and lay down on my couch, taking my shoes off in the process.

My eyes are shutting slowly, so slow I almost don't realize it.

My home and myself are all over the place. Scattered about. Everything comes to mind, and I just pray everyone is okay. Brendon, Melanie, my parents, siblings, the kids at the park, and everyone Josh loves including him.

I want everyone to not be feeling the way I am right now. I want everyone to be happy, happy like how a child feels when they get a puppy, when they find something they love. I want everyone to be at peace.

I'm interrupted by my thoughts when I hear the doorbell ring.

The pizza I never wanted is here along with a reminder in my head I need to pay Brendon back for the food.

I look at myself real quick and drag myself to the door, pulling out my wallet as I go along.

Turning the knob, I can hear my wallet clatter against the floor when I see a familiar colored hair boy and I'm snapped back to reality.

I'm tired

Sorry the past few chapters haven't been good or that they're all over the place it's just

I have a crush on this girl and she's one of my friends and I know that she isn't gonna like me back.

I mean she likes girls so I have a chance I mean like idk

But my last crush didn't like me back and he was also one of my freidns and I know that's gonna happen again BC my best friend made me tell the guy I liked him at our sleepover and like that already wasn't a cherry on top of my Sundae THE next day my fren at the sleepover told her crush she liked him and he liked her back and they started dating and I bet u can't guess what happened next...

Well ya see the kid who didn't like me back started dating my other best fren so I kinda was sad for awhile and I just know the whole thing is gonna happen again

Sorry this rant was long and the chapter was short

Not to mention it's gonna be hard to update BC school and crushes so haha I'm good how r u?