Owning The Game

Nessi's inner rant.

Is it thaaaat bad to stay virgin at 18? I mean cmon! It's our personal preference right?....right?

I will loose my viginity whenever I want, and to whom ever I want. A person shouldn't be forced into giving something this precious away. Once gone...and it'll be gone forever.

It's not like a packet of gummybears where once done, you can get another one from the store next street. So that is why I stuck to my reasons for not loosing my virginity so far.

1. Dint find 'the guy '.

I am honestly the type of girl who believes in a monogamous relationship for life.....boring..I know!

But don't judge me, not everyone is alike. Even though my besties are 'v-goners' , I was never forced into loosing mine too.

2. I am scared.

Clarr lost her virginity when we were 16 on a party night, that too cuz she was too drunk and well, we can only say that it dint go quite well. I am scared of imagining how being that intimate with a person feels like. I am scared, this only proves that I am not ready yet.

3. I think....just 'think' I was never really into anyone else cuz deep down I was still majorly crushing on that sweet Nathaniel who got me gummybears when Clarr ate all of my babies just to prove her point of having more apetite than me lame..I know

I really dint want to confess about my emotions to anyone then, and so even Clarr was oblivious I guess to the way I felt.

I thought it'll be over with time... cuz cmon!it's just a silly crush right? I thought I was over him when he wasn't around, but I was wrong. The moment I heard his name, trust me when I say my heart skipped a beat.

I thought the name was familiar before I saw him, but dint really expect the 'face' also to be familiar. I mean, I was really hoping it's not him and some other Nate . But boy was I wrong!.

And then he had to call me hot only to accelerate my already speeding stupid heart. But one thing I've really started loving is to prank him. The reactions he gives are sooo damn cute more like HOT.

He looked smoking in that whipped cream. Wow! I feel like a creep now. So this is why I dint really talk about it to anyone so far. But I have a feeling the squad knows it already. I just keep denying my emotions cuz deep down, I know he is not the same old Nathaniel to get me my gummybears. He is different now.

I am not his type,nor is he mine. He is a player. He isn't that caring, sweet person I used to know. Maybe he is still kinda sweet sometimes but can also be hurtfully cold.Heartbreakingly cold.

The way he smooches Katie and then leaves her all alone, not even caring how she feels not that she feels...but still..just proves how carless he can get with a person's emotion.

Okay!maybe assuming that ,on the basis of Katie is stupid on my part, cuz she is the same. But that doesn't prove him any different from my judgement. He is a player. Period. And will never like me. Period period. And I should move on.

But I just started another game that I clearly know can't win. I will loose,not just the game , but also my heart.

Seeing him kiss a new girl every day kills me inside. I thought hating him would be a solution. The 'view' he gave by making out with several girls right in front of me , successfully got me furious. Furious to that extent where I hated him. Wanted to kill him. Wanted to show him hell.

Maybe the prank war was one of the ways I wanted to get my revenge...for what? I don't know. The whole 'sexist' thing might all be just a reason to torture him while I secretly already knew he doesn't mean it. How can he? When his mom is a leading business woman?.

And I know more like used to know him like the back of my hand. What did I achieve by getting him detention? Dipping him in cream and paint? Making a gay poster?...NOTHING. It only intensifies the way I felt even more if that's even possible.

He shouldn't have hugged me that day!. His smirk, his pout, his smile turns me crazy!. I am sure if I wrote down my emotions and read it, I would make a perfect cheese factory.

And this folks,is why I deny my emotions and trust me...I AM trying to move on. We are not meant to be, and I already knew that the day I saw him after 3 years.

I should just stick to 'me and my broken heart.'

Hey! What a song reference right?

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-notme16