Breaking Through These Walls

Chapter 3

Patrick's POV

"Long time no talk huh Pat?" I turned around and saw Rian. She looked even more beautiful than she did four years ago. I missed looking into her brown eyes and watching them light up when she smiled. I missed her laugh that she hates so much. I miss her. I'm a fool for letting her go.

She stood before me with raised eyebrows and her arms crossed over her chest. I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't look at her without feeling guilty. I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked at the ground before replying, "Yeah, I guess so."

She flashed a sarcastic smile my way. Shit. After she just spoke to hundreds of people about her brothers passing, which was still a touchy subject with her, I managed to piss her off a little more.

"Well thanks for coming. I hope you enjoyed the show." She replied with no emotion. She starts to walk away from me and towards the front door. I'm not screwing this up and letting her go again. I grab her arm and spin her around before she could make it far. She looks at me like I just grew two more heads.

"What do you want?" She asks coldly.

"Let's hang out sometime." I asked her with so much hope in my voice. She looks into my eyes for the longest time. It's like she's looking into my soul. I wait for what feels like an hour until she replies,

"I have a lot of stuff to do between now and Russia. I don't have time for your stupid mind games." And with that she was gone. I was too stunned to run after her. My heart sank and my stomach churns. I can feel a ten thousand pound weight being dropped into my shoulders. I wouldn't blame her for being pissed off at me for what I did. I would be pissed too. This was the exact reason why I didn't keep in touch with her. I knew she would reject me like this. I couldn't deal with this rejection. Johnny comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder. I shrug him off and walk away, with my hands in my pockets and my head hanging low in defeat.

Rian's POV

I got back to my apartment and was soon greeted by mine and my roommates Alaskan malamute puppy, Jack. "Hey lil buddy!" I bent down and picked him up. "Lexi I'm home!" I shout for my roommate to hear. Nothing. Usually she comes right out and starts asking me questions about my speech. I walk into the kitchen with Jack still in my hands to find a note on the counter from Lexi.

Griz,
I went out with some coworkers for dinner and a few drinks. I will be home later. Don't wait up for me!
Love always,
LexO xoxo

I laughed at the names she used. I knew that by 'I will be home later' means she will probably be out all night. I laugh at my roommate then turn my attention towards Jack.

"Wanna go for a run buddy?" His response, as usual, a bark and what looks like a happy face. I go and get changed into leggings, a giant sweat shirt and my neon sneakers, grab Jack's leash and we were out the door.

I plug my headphones into my phone, pull up my pump up/inspirational playlist and press shuffle. The first song that comes on is Hall of Fame by The Script. I always think of Dan with this song. Every lyric in the song is something he would say to me. I start to run with Jack in front setting the pace.

Running has always been a therapy for me, apart from being in the rink shooting pucks. It gives me a chance to think things through and still physically let out my frustrations and emotions. I start by thinking about Dan and all he did for me and the task he left behind for me to finish. I think about how he has made me into the person and player I am today. I think about my twin brother, Cullan, and how he helped me cope with the death of Dan. I became close to him after that, but we were never as close as Dan and I. I think of how I just left after high school. I had to get out of Massachusetts. I couldn't stay there without constantly being reminded of what happened. I needed change. My change happened to be Chicago. Then my mind shifted to the blond haired, blue eyed boy who lives in Chicago. Everything that happened that last week of 2010 in Vancouver. All the laughs we shared, the fun we had, and the memories we made with both of our teams. He took my number and promised me he would call me and we would hang out. That call never came. Then he has the balls to show up at my talk tonight and ask me to hang out sometime? He had four years to call me and hang out with me! Four fucking years!

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I crashed into a rock solid chest and stumbled back. Regaining my balance, I look up to apologize for not paying attention. I look up and into the familiar blue eyes of the last person I wanted to see.

"Fancy seeing you here." Pat smiles down at me.

"Yeah. Fancy." I answer coldly. I look down to see Jack sniffing at Pat's legs. I tug on his leash to pull him away. He looks at me and comes and sits by my leg.

"What's your dogs name?" Curiosity written on Pat's face.

"Jack." I reply with no emotion.

"Look Rian. I know I messed up and I'm sorry. I promised to call and I didn't. I'm sorry." Pat looks down with regret in his eyes.

"I've had a lot of people make promises they never keep Pat. I'm used to a little let down. It just sucks when you think that there is something between us that could turn into a great friendship and not have a single text or call. It hurts. We had such a great time that last week and now I can't help but think that it meant nothing to you." I look at him with disappointment. "I know. I never meant to hurt you Rian. That was never my intention. I was just...never mind." He got my intention at that last sentence.

"You were what Pat?"

"I was just....I was," he still couldn't look at me.

"Spit it out Pat." I demand.

"I was scared ok? Happy? I was scared Rian!" Pats voice raises with every sentence.

"What were you scared of?" Now I was really confused.

"I was scared you were going to reject me! I was scared that once we were out of the safety of Vancouver and the Olympics, you would see the real me and you would want nothing to do with me." I could hear the pain in his voice with every word he spoke.

"Why do you think that I would reject you? What are you hiding that I could possible hold against you?" I'm starting to get irritated with Pat.

"Well for starters, I drink. A lot. And after that presentation you gave, why would you want to be around me?"

"What you decide to do in your free time has nothing to do with me. Do whatever the hell you want. Just don't call me to bail you out of jail or expect me to hold your hand while doctors pull shards of glass out of your body. I will do neither of those things. I can't control what you do with your life. I can influence it, but I can't control it." I reply.

"So does this mean we can start over? Start fresh?" A glimmer of hope flashes through his eyes.

"You still have my number don't you?" I ask as I put my headphones back in my ears and prepare to continue running.

"Yeah. Why?" Confusion is clear on Pat's face.

"Do something with it." With that I start running away from a smiling Patrick Kane.