Breaking Through These Walls

Chapter 23

Rian's POV

"Ri, we need you to talk to us." Breda says calmly. "You can't shut down on us right now."

"I just don't know what to say at this point. I'm confused, hurt, angry, yet I still want him here. I just don't know what to feel right now." I say looking into my mug of tea. "I'm just so numb right now. I made Amanda sleep with me last night because I couldn't calm myself down. The only people I've slept with have been Dan when he was alive and Patrick. I'm not used to this."

"You have to talk to him Rian. That's the only way you are going to solve this. He clearly cares about you if he was crying and distraught. Go talk with him." Cullen pushes.

"I can't deal with distractions right now." I say emotionless.

"It's a distraction if you let it slide. Rian you are not doing yourself any good doing this to yourself. Plus, you're not being fair to Patrick either. This is weighing heavily on him, just as much as it is you." Cullen says.

"How would you know?" I look at him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I may or may not have talked to him last night." Cullen says quietly.

"What did you tell him?" My eyes widen.

"Nothing bad. I didn't threaten him or anything. Have some faith in me. I know how much he means to you, I wouldn't do that to you. I just asked him what his thought process was." He explains.

"Which was?" Breda pushes.

"He got jealous. He didn't know who I was, so he got jealous. He's insecure about himself. He's scared of you leaving him just as much as you are of him leaving. He got scared and acted on impulse. I'm not saying what he did was right, however, I do see both sides." Cullen explains.

"I do agree with Cullen on this one. You do need to get rid of the elephant in the room. You say you don't want distractions, but by leaving this alone and not talking it through, it will become a distraction." Breda says.

"He might come to you." Cullen warns.

"Fine. Let him. I'm not going to him, I didn't overreact." I say cold and emotionless.

"Rian you can't be this emotionless when you guys talk. Nothing will be resolved." Breda tries to get me to soften.

"Look, I know you guys are trying to help me and all, but I think I have a right to be pissed at him. And he has a right to know that." I say.

"Then what do you want us to do?" Breda asks.

"Nothing. This isn't your fight. You're not dating Patrick. You're not in a fight with him. Thank you for being there for me, but I need to deal with this on my own. This is my fight not yours. The more you guys are dragged in, the messier it will be. Just please, stay out of it." I breath.

"Ok. We'll back off." Breda says.

"I'm not hungry anymore." I say quietly before getting up and walking out of the diner, leaving my brother and sister alone.

I walk to the place I always go when I need to think. I walk through the doors and I'm immediately hit by cold air. I find a seat and sit down, putting my feet up on the one in front of me. I look out onto the ice, silent.

"I need you Dan. I'm so lost and I need your help." I whisper. A single tear slides down my face. "I'm so lost without him." I burry my face in my hands and cry. I try to choke back my sobs, but they come out anyway, echoing through the empty rink, or what I thought was empty.

Patrick's POV

I went for a walk to clear my head. I don't really know where I was going, just wondering around. Before I could process what I was doing, I was already through the doors and heading into the rink. I made my way to the seats and stopped dead when I saw a figure bent over crying. Her sobs echoed through the empty rink. My heart drops when she looks up, locking eyes with me. We just sit there, staring at each other from across the rink. I slowly make my way over to Rian, not breaking eye contact. I start to climb the steps to where her seat is.