Breaking Through These Walls

Chapter 7

Rian's POV

Pat offered his hand to me to help me up. I didn't let go of his hand. I felt safe with him. I felt happy. For the first time in a long time I was truly happy. We walked down the hall and I started to swing our hands back and forth. I look up at Pat, who was looking at me with a confused expression on his face. I just laugh and kept swinging our hands. All you could hear were the sounds of our laughter in the hall. "So, was that goal pretty enough for you or what?" He looks down at me with hope in his eyes. "Eh, I've seen prettier." I reply unimpressed. "Are you kidding me!" He stops us in the middle of the hallway. "I did everything you asked me to! I popped the bottle and you ha-" I put my hands on either side of his face, "Patrick! I'm kidding! Relax! That was the prettiest goal anyone has ever scored for me!" He instantly calmed down when I touched him. The anger that was on his face five minutes ago has melted away and is now replaced with relief. I slide my hands down his arms and grab both his hands. "Now can we get going because I'm starving."
Patrick throws his head back and laughs, "Yes we can." We continue to hold hands all the way to his car. Once again he opens my door for me. "Do you always open doors for girls?" I asked once he was in the car.
"Only for the special ones." He says with a smile and winks in my direction. I look down as I start to blush. We walk into the little Italian restaurant. Pat walks up to the hostess while I sit down on the bench next to an old women. "Rian are you ok with waiting 15-20 minutes for a table?" Pat turns to me.
"Yeah that's fine." I reply with a smile.
"We can find you a table now
Mr. Kane." The hostess flirts with Pat. I don't know why it bothers me because I'm not with him. We are just friends. "No it's fine. We don't mind waiting." I reply to both Pat and the hostess.
"You have a very nice boyfriend over there." The old women looks at me.
"Oh he's not my boyfriend! We are just friends." I reply with a nervous laugh.
"Really? You had me fooled." She replies. "The way the two of you look at each other makes it seem like you have been together for years. You remind me of my husband and I when we were your age." She looks up at her husband with loving eyes.
"She gave me a run for my money. It took me about a month and a half to convince her to date me." The old man laughs and smiles down at his wife.
"Are you sure you don't mind waiting?" Pat come over and asks me.
"I'm positive! We can wait. I don't want to be those people who get seated first because of our names." He nods at my answer.
"You know he loves you right?" The old women whispers in my ear. I look at her like she has three heads. "It doesn't take rocket science to see it sweetheart." She leans in closer to me and whispers in my ear, "Don't hold back. I made that mistake once in my life. I would hate to see you make that mistake." She stands up and walks to meet the hostess with her husband. I am pulled out of my thoughts when Pat taps my shoulder, "What's going on?" I ask confused.
"Our table is ready." He replies with a smile. He offers his hand again and I take it. The hostess leads us to a table in the back and away from people. I slid into one side and Pat slid into the one opposite. Our waiter comes over to take our drink order. He tries to flirt with me but I blow it off. Pat notices too and he starts to get annoyed. Once the waiter left I burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Pat asks confused.
"You are getting so annoyed with the waiter!" At this point I can't breath and tears are streaming down my face.
"And why is that so funny?" Pat cocks and eyebrow.
"Because you don't have to worry about him! He's not even my type!"
"Yeah and what is your type?" Pat leans forward with his hands on the table.
"Hockey players." I reply looking right into his eyes. The waiter comes back with our drinks and takes our orders. I roll up the sleeves of my shirt. I notice Pat's eyes grow wide and he grabs my right arm. "Is that ink?!" Pat asks.
"Yeah...why?" I pull my arm back and look at my small tattoo on my wrist.
"What is it?" He asks curiously.
"The sun, the moon, and the stars, with my brothers dates below it." I reply looking down at the ink that stains my skin.
"Do you have any others?"
"On the outside of my left foot I have 'I love you to the moon and back', again for Dan. We used to say that to each other all the time. It was never a simple 'I love you' it was always 'I love you to the moon and back'. That was always our thing." I smile at the memory of my brother.
"So is it only those two?"
"No I have another on my lower back. It's very faint, but it's the Olympic Rings. I plan to add the dates once I retire, like 2006- whenever I stop. I didn't want it to be dark and easily visible. I didn't want it to be prominent."
"You have a tramp stamp?" His eyes grow wide.
I sigh at his statement, "Yes I have a tramp stamp. Although you really can't see it unless I pointed it out so technically it's not considered a tramp stamp."
"Prominent or not it's still a tramp stamp." He points at me.
"What about you? Any hidden tattoos?"
"Yeah I do actually. I have a set of cards on my upper shoulder for my grandfather. We would play cards all the time in the summer. Then I have a clover on my shoulder blade with my initials and my sisters' initials in the leaves. One set in each leaf for each kid. Then my parents initials are in the stem. We all have it. Or at least my parents and the oldest of my sisters has it. I'm not sure if my youngest sister has it though."
"Your family's important to you I assume."
Pat looks me in the eyes. "They're the only ones that have been by my side every step of the way, supporting me, even when I was wrong."
The air around me was thick. I couldn't breathe. It felt like someone knocked the wind right out of me.
"What about your family? You must have quite the stories growing up in a family of ten." Pat smiles at me trying to lighten the mood. I become engrossed with my straw wrapper, avoiding eye contact. "I don't have many stories about them." I say quietly.
"Oh come on! You must have one." He eggs me one.
I look up at him with glassy eyes and just shake my head, "No, I don't." I look back to the wrapper, "I don't really talk to them anymore." I am tell him ashamed.
"Why not? Their your family Rian." He voice is gentle, almost like he cares.
"I'd rather not get into it." I reply back to him.
"Why not? Are you hiding some deep, dark secret? I don't get you sometimes. I tell you that I want to help you and be here for you, yet you shut me out. Why?"
"Because that's what I do Pat. I shut people out. Want to know why I don't talk to my family anymore? Because I shut them out too. This is what I'm good at, shutting the whole damn world out. You know way more than anyone else knows. Be great full for that. I have a hard time trusting and talking to people because the one I trusted the most, is gone. Talk to me when you lose the most important thing in your life that gives you a reason to even be alive. Talk to me when you find yourself in survival mode, barely hanging on. Everyone tells me that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I've been waiting eleven years for that damn light and it is yet to show any sign of a brighter future." I throw my napkin on the table and stand up. "All I want with my life right now is to be left alone. I have found a way to make it work for eleven years, the rest of my damn life won't kill me." I walk away from the table leaving Pat behind. I wipe away tears that have slipped from my eyes. I don't know why I'm crying or why my heart hurts, but I just push away the pain and keep walking. I hear him calling for me but I don't turn around. I just want to get as far away from Pat as I can.

Patrick's POV

She walked out of the restaurant. I put a fifty dollar bill down and ran after her. I called her name, but she never turned around, she just kept running away. By the time I got out of the restaurant, she was no where in sight. "Damn it!" I yelled angrily. I got in my car and drove to mine and Tazer's apartment. I stormed in through the door. I walked past Tazer and went to the fridge and grabbed a beer. "What the hell happened?" Tazer called from the living room. "I fucked up again that's what happened." I spit back at him. "Easy there tiger! What happened?" He walked into the kitchen and sat on one of the bar stools. I leaned back on the counter and took a drink of my beer. "I pushed her too far and she walked out." I reply with no emotion. "Kaner! You have to be patient with her. You need to have a filter with her."
"You don't think I fucking know that? Do you know how hard it is to watch the girl that you are falling for hurt so damn much? 'You need to have a filter with her', yeah that's easier said than done. You say a simple hello and that makes her flip her shit! How the hell am I supposed to have a god damned filter if one stupid thing I say makes her flip? Huh? I might as well be a fucking mime and live a life of silence!" I yelled at Tazer. He remains emotionless.
"How many times have you called her?" His tone is even.
"I don't know, 10 maybe?" I take another swig of my beer. I shouldn't be drinking this.
"Has she picked up?"
"Yeah, she picked up after the third time and we had a nice conversation." I answer sarcastically. "I wouldn't have called her a hundred fucking times if she picked up you dipshit!" I yell at him.
"You need to calm down-"
"Don't tell me to fucking calm down when the girl I care about most could be wandering the fucking streets of Chicago alone, not picking up her god damned phone!" I am freaking out about this. I could throw up thinking about the possibilities of what could happen to Rian.
Just then my phone vibrates. An unknown number pops up on my phone. I swipe the green bar and answer the call, "Hello?" my voice comes out shaky.
"Patrick Kane I swear to god, I will come over to your apartment and cut your fucking balls off and club you so hard you don't even know who the fuck you are anymore." Lexi growls through the phone.
"Is she ok?"
"No, I just threaten to cut every guys dick off that makes Rian happy for once. What the fuck do you think you sick bastard!" She isn't holding back at all.
"Lexi please just listen to me." I try to reason with her.
"Oohh don't you 'Lexi please' me. No one messes with my best friend and gets away with it! Believe it or not Pat, she trusted you. She opened up to you and you just didn't care. It may not have seemed like she opened up but for Rian, that's as much as she's ever opened up to anyone and you threw it out the fucking window. You are one sick fuck." I could hear the venom in every word.
"I know." I say hanging my head low.
"Yes you ar-, wait, what did you say?"
"I said yeah I know, as in I know I'm a sick fuck."
"Oh." She says quietly.
"Look Lexi, my intention was never to hurt Rian. I was jut trying to get answers, but I guess I pushed her too far."
"We all want answers Pat. I'm still looking for answers, answers that you may know, answers that she may not know herself. I know you mean well, I really do, but for the sake of Rian, I think it would be best to keep your distance for a bit. Give her time to settle down, to realize that someone, other than myself gives a damn about her. I can let you know how she is doing and when you can try again if you would like." Her tone is much softer than it was a few moments ago.
"I would love that Lexi. Thank you."
"You're good for her Pat. I would hate to see all this be thrown away over something as stupid as this." She answers honestly.
"I would too. I'm in too deep to just leave her alone and just walk away."
"I know. I could see it when you picked her up for your game. She acts like you are her knight in shining armor and she doesn't even realize it. It will all work out Pat. You two didn't cross paths again for no reason. I'll talk to you later, I need to check on the damsel in distress." I laugh at her name for Rian.
"Ok Lexi. Please tell her to call me when she is ready." I close my eyes and pray she will call soon.
"I'll try. Get some sleep Pat. It's been a long day."
"Yeah. Thank you Lexi."
"Thank you for walking into her life."
With that I hung up and put my phone on the counter. I look at my beer next to my phone. I took it over to the sink and dumped it out, throwing the bottle in the trash. I walk into my bedroom, closing the door behind me and collapsed on my bed. I stared at the ceiling, thinking about Rian, wishing she was beside me, curled up in a ball against my side. My eyelids grow heavy as sleep comes over me.