Breaking Through These Walls

Chapter 20

Rian's POV

"Hey Rian, Breda is calling." Lexi calls from the living room.

"Can you answer it for me?" I call.

A minute later Lexi walks into the kitchen. "Yeah here she is. Bye Breda." Lexi says handing me my phone.

"Hey what's up?" I greet my sister.

"So Cullen and I booked our flight and hotel room in Sochi." She says excitedly.

"You guys are coming?" I ask shocked.

"Well duh. Obviously we want to see our little sister tear it up over there! Plus we want to be there when they hang that fancy gold medal around your neck once and for all." She explains.

"Wow! That's awesome! I can't wait to see you guys!" I say smiling. I haven't seen them in years.

"Mom and dad aren't coming though." She says slowly and disappointed.

"I didn't expect them to." I say, disappointment evident in my voice.

"Mom knows you went to Buffalo with Patrick Kane for Christmas. That's her reason why she isn't coming. She's pissed that you chose them over us. I don't blame you though. Nor does Cullen. We would have gone somewhere else too."

"It's funny how she is mad that I went with Patrick to spend Christmas with his family, yet she and dad are the ones driving me further away from you guys." I laugh sarcastically.

"I know. And I hate them more and more because of it. They are killing every chance I can to get close with my sister again." She complains.

"I know. I miss you guys terribly. I just can't deal with the guilt and blame every second I'm there."

"I'm trying to talk mom through it and make her see that you are not to blame."

"Yeah? How's that working out for you?" I sass.

"Not well. I don't know why she thinks it's your fault in the first place, it's not like you were driving the car that hit him." Breda raises her voice.

"It's because he had to tuck me in. Dan used to always tuck me into bed and he said he would tuck me into bed every night until he left for college. I was waiting in bed for him to get home when the EMT called to have mom and dad go to the hospital. She thinks that if he didn't have to tuck me in, that he would still be here, which is total bull shit if you ask me." I start getting pissed off.

"Absolutely! If anything it's Dan's fault for promising to tuck you in every night." She defends me.

"That has been my point since the day he died." I explain.

"That's ridiculous. I'm sorry but she has absolutely no leg to stand on. She just wants to find someone to blame for this and I guess you were the easiest target." She laughs bitterly.

"Yeah, and she happens to factor into my fear of opening up to people." I laugh.

"You still have a hard time?" Breda asks quietly.

"Breda, I don't know how to open up to people and let them help. I obviously can talk to you and Cullen, but other than that, I'm lost." I choke at the end.

"Have you tried to open up to anyone?" Her voice is gentle.

"Patrick. He's found a way to peel back my layers." I tell her.

"How much does he know?" She questions.

"Enough to make me feel vulnerable. I honestly feel naked and exposed." I say quietly. "I'm scared, Breda." I whisper as the tears stream down my face.