Breaking Through These Walls

Chapter 31

Rian's POV

Leaving Patrick's family was one of the hardest things I've ever done. They made me forget about Tom's death and being kicked out of my family. They distracted me for that short time I was there. They made me feel loved, and now here I am, thinking about my life and all the crap that's going on now.

"We're home, buttercup." Patrick pulls me out of my thoughts. I look to see we are in front of my apartment complex. He comes over to my side and pulls me out of the seat and on the ground, enveloping me in a hug.

"I love you so much, Ri. Please don't shut me out." Patrick pleads.

"I'm sorry. It's who I am. I'm trying." I mumble into his chest.

"I know you are, but I'm not going anywhere. Just please let me in." He pleads.

"I'll try." I whisper.

"That's all I ask." He whispers before pulling back and walking with me to my apartment. We walk in to find Jon and Lexi on the couch.

"Tazer what are you doing here? You're missing morning skate." Patrick says from behind me.

"I did something to my shoulder a few games ago. I'm out for a bit." He replies with a huff.

"What the hell man. There's only room for one of us to be injured." Pat jokes.

"Believe me, it's killing me not to be playing right now." He replies.

"How's your family Grizz?" Lexi asks.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I mumble before walking to my room.

"What did I say?" I hear Lexi ask sadly.

"Shit hit the fan when we were in Boston." I hear Patrick say. I make it to my room and close the door and slide down it and start sobbing. I eventually made my way to the bathroom, but instead of going pee, I threw up into the toilet bowl.

"Rian." I hear Patrick say from behind me. Another wave of nausea comes over me, causing me to throw up again.

I feel Patrick's hands pull back my hair. He rubs circles on my back trying to sooth me. I continue to throw up and sob uncontrollably.

After I stop throwing up, I clean myself up and collapse into Patrick's arms. We sit on the bathroom floor, me sobbing and Patrick holding me, rocking me back and forth.

Soon, Patrick lifts me up and brings me into my room, laying me in my bed. He crawls in next to me, pulling me onto him. I continue to cry onto his chest while he holds me and rubs my back. My eye lids start getting heavy and eventually I cry myself to sleep.

***

I woke up to an empty bed, confused as to how I got there. I look over at my clock to see that it is 1:00 pm. I get up out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. I see Patrick in the kitchen making some food and I go to sit at the counter.

"Good you're up. Just in time for some lunch." He says placing a grilled cheese on a plate. "Eat up buttercup!" He cheers as he bites into his own.

"I'm not hungry." I say, pushing my plate away.

"Rian, you haven't eaten all day. You had two bites of your breakfast this morning. And don't you dare try to lie to me about not eating breakfast. I watched you push your food around to make it look like you ate." Patrick cuts me off.

"I just don't have an appetite. And whatever I eat I end up throwing up." I say quietly.

"That's because you work yourself up too much. When you cry, you do way more than just cry. You work your body up, you think about things that aren't good, and you make yourself sick with those thoughts. You need to let your fears out. Talk to me, baby girl. I'm here to help you." He says softly.