I still have regrets.

Chapter 3 Going to the guild

Natsu POV
I felt horrible, I didn't show up in many days. I didn't leave my room ever since. I felt horrible. I was a mess. Every minute of the day I thought about the moment Gray said the news. Also I thought about my regrets. Why didn't I say it way sooner. I can't face Gray anymore. I don't think I can handle seeing them together as well. It would be torture. Maybe I deserve that, I mean it is my own fault I didn't say it way sooner. I'm such a fool. Maybe they will laugh at me if I say it. Maybe it is a good thing I never said it. I don't know anymore. Suddenly I hear knocking on my door. "Natsu. It's me Happy. Please come out. You've been there long enough. You should at least eat something.." I didn't respond. I didn't know how. "Was it me Natsu? Did I do something wrong? I'm worried about you. Everyone is." Happy started sobbing. "Talk to me Natsu." I couldn't, I felt horrible for making Happy worry, but I couldn't. I forgot how many days I'm in here, it should at least be day or two maybe three. Suddenly the house went silent again, I heard Happy close the front door. So he went to the guild again. I never left my room. I didn't eat in those days, I sometimes drank something not much though. Sometimes I slept, but I never slept long enough. I was exhausted. But the dreams haunted me, my mistakes, my regrets. 

Then I hear someone else knocking on my door. "Natsu, what's wrong with you? Can I help you in any way? " It was Lucy. I didn't respond either. "Erza he isn't responding what should we do.." E-Erza. Why is she here? I thought. "Lucy could you leave for a moment, you as well Happy. I want to discuss something private with Natsu. Maybe I can get him out." I don't think so, but she can try. "Sure, come Happy we are going to the guild. I get you some fish." I hear the front door close again. "Natsu I know you are in there. Ever since that mission, maybe later, maybe at the announcement, you were acting strange. I think I understand why though." "What do you think?" I responded. Shit I responded, it was automatic that I reacted to her. I don't understand it myself. Erza was clearly shocked because she was silent for a few minutes. "I think actually that it was because of the announcement of Gray that you're acting like this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe you wanted to confess. To Gray." "Wow, Erza you are something else. I guess you're right. So now what." I responded again, because I know there was no escaping Erza.. "So it is true. I understand now. Uh.. Natsu you know you can't avoid them forever." "I know that.. but for now that is what I want." "Sure? Cause to me you sound like you're torturing yourself. Is that honest what you want?" "Of course not. I want to be with him, but I can't now can I? I don't think I can handle seeing them together." "Would you at least try?" "I don't know Erza." "Please come with me to the guild, I make sure you don't have to explain yourself." "I know... I guess I should try. Erza..?" "Yeah?" "Thank you, and can you keep this all a secret even for Happy and Lucy?" "Sure, I will help you. You can always talk to me. You can talk to them as well you know that." "Yeah. I prepare myself. Can you wait outside and give me like 15 minutes." "Sure, thank you for opening up to me. " 

I stood up and walked to the bathroom to make myself look more appropriate. Mission impossible, but I at least tried. I felt less horrible, but I know that I had to face Gray and Juvia. I don't know for how long I can handle that though. But I will try. After 15 minutes I walk outside to Erza. She looked shocked. "You didn't lie. But you look awful Natsu." "I know." I tried to laugh but it was forced. She looked sad. "Come we're going to the guild." She said. I was getting nervous. I mean I avoid them all for what two maybe three days. "Erza how long did I stayed inside?" She looked sad but also like I was asking something stupid. "It's been three days Natsu." "I forgot time in there." I told her. She nodded sad. We walked in the guild and it went quiet. Then like a storm everyone started screaming my name. "NATSU!!" "NATSU-SAN!!" "NATSU-NII!!" 

It was loud. I put my hands on my ears, it was too loud for my preference. Then they all started asking question, I couldn't understand a single of them. I got a headache very quickly. I hate my sensitive hearing sometimes. "SHUT UP AND GIVE HIM SOME SPACE. JEESH" Erza yelled. Then it went silent again. I was glad though. I went through the crowd to the bar. "Hi Natsu, can I get you something to drink? Maybe something to eat?" Mira said with the same sweet smile as always. "Yea, some water. Food.. I don't know not now." Everyone looked shocked at that statement. Natsu would get no food. Yea not typical me. The guild started to get a little louder like it used to. Lucy and Happy came at me. Happy looked really sad and flies into my arms. "NATSU. I missed you." Tears were wailing from Happy. "I'm sorry buddy, I needed some time alone." "Hi Natsu, were you sick after all? You don't look so good actually." "Hi Luce, jeesh thanks." I tried to laugh, it was still a little forced and Lucy's face was unbelievable. She was red like a tomato, the hair from Erza were put to shame. Then Gray came to me. My heart skipped, but sank soon as I saw that he was with Juvia. Of course how could I forgot her. "Flame brain you look awful. Did you even eat these days I mean you look like shit." I mumbled "Shut up Gray." But he wasn't ready jet. But before he could make an ass remark, Erza gave him the stare. "Gray, if you don't stop now I'm certainly going to kill you." I saw Gray have a sweat drop. "Sorry, I won't Erza." I chuckled. He is still the same, even though I hate the sight of him and Juvia together. Especially Juvia clinging at Gray, like if she didn't he would disappear. I got sad and mad at the same time. I wanted to separate them but I couldn't that wouldn't be fair. "Natsu would you like your favorite dish?" asked Mira in her sweet tone. "You mean spiced chicken right?" "Yeah I made it just for you. But if you don't want it it is okay." I felt guilty, but I didn't eat like in three days I don't know if my stomach can handle it. I should try right. "Yeah I will try it then." She smiled and walked away. I saw the others smiling as well. Gray and Juvia did walk away from me to sit together. Erza took a seat next to me and ordered a strawberry cake, like usual. She then whispered "Are you okay? I mean they are lovey-dovey." "It bothers me, but yeah I can handle this much." I got my order as well and started eating, not my usual put your face in the food style, more sophisticated. I didn't even know I could do that. It tasted great. After a while I wanted to smile again and wanted to hang out with everyone. I almost forget why I haven't been here for a while. But I was wrong, they reminded my brutally. They kissed... Everyone was thinking it was sweet, but I felt sick. My world crumbled as fast as it was restored. I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, I knew my stomach wasn't ready.

Gray POV

I was amazed that Natsu finally came back to the guild after three days. But how he looked oh my god. He looked horrible like he didn't eat and sleep for three days (you are close to the truth Gray ;) ). I didn't know why but I felt horrible seeing him like that. Why had he such an impact on my, I'm straight. I worried about him like everyone else in the guild. But I don't know why he is acting like this. I walked to talk to him, Juvia followed me of course. I hadn't had much of free time lately, because of her but I liked it. I wanted to tease him, but when Erza defended him like that I was shocked. I have the feeling Erza knows more. He is still acting weird, not eating, not fighting. Maybe he is sick after all. After some chit chat, Natsu decides to eat after all. I walk with Juvia to our table to get some alone time with her. I didn't mind. Juvia then kissed me, in the bench. After we broke our kiss, I heard Natsu dash to the bathroom. Did he have a stomach ache or something? "Oi, Gray." Erza yelled. " Yea?" She walked to me and Juvia. "Can you look in the bathroom for Natsu for me?" "Why me? I don't even like him." Erza gave me THE look. " Because I say so, and also because it is a boys restroom silly." After that she skipped to the bar to finish her cake. I sighed. I got up and walked to the restroom. "Gray-sama, why are you going?" "I can't ignore an order from her, you know that Juvia." She nodded. 

I walked in the restroom and I saw one open stall, where two legs laid on the ground. I walked to him, it was definitely Natsu. "Dude are you okay?" I rubbed his back. He turned around, a little puke on his mouth and with tears in his eyes. Tears? Why the hell is Natsu crying? "W-Why are you here, Gray?" "I'm checking on you obvious." "N-not because you want to." He responded I was shocked. Wait did he hear me talk earlier. Shit. "It's okay Gray, you can leave. I don't need your help." "Dude, chill. (joke intended). You're sick after all let me help you." I wanted to rub his back again but he hit my hand away. "Don't. Just don't. I shouldn't have come after all." What is he talking about. "What do you mean shouldn't have come?" "Erza convinced me I should try to come back to the guild. But I guess I wasn't ready." Ready? He is really sick, he shouldn't come. "If you feel sick you shouldn't come at all." "Yeah, I guess." He had a sad smile on his face. "I'm leaving after all. I need some sleep, if that's possible." He stood up. But I took his arm before he could left. He turned around looking shocked. I don't even understand why I did that. "What's with you lately? You usually don't get sick?" He first looked glad, but that look changed into a sad look. "I misjudged you. I don't know myself Gray, I'm trying to fix myself." I didn't understand the meaning of those words. "Misjudged what do you mean?" He pulled his arm forcefully away. "I thought you would understand me, but I was wrong." Then he turned around and left the restroom.

 I stood there frozen, I didn't understand him at all. What was he talking about. What did he need to work on. Fix himself? Since when is Natsu talking complex like that. I walked out of the restroom and Natsu was nowhere to be found. Erza walked up to me, angry. "What have you done?!" She looked really pissed. " I don't know, he was sad. We talked. Without fighting. But I didn't understand him at all." Erza sighed and looked disappointed. She looked at the door, like he was coming back any minute. But he wasn't. "He's having a hard time Gray." "Why? You clearly understand why." I started screaming. "Why do you know? Why don't you tell us what is wrong with Natsu!!" She still kept looking at the door. "I promised him I shouldn't tell anyone." I don't know why but I was getting angry. "You're selfish for keeping a secret like that." "SHUT UP Gray. He is in pain, he trusted me so I'm not telling anyone. If he knows I told everyone, he will shut himself off completely. Don't you understand that at least." I was shocked, but she was right. He was trusting someone to talk to, that was a start right? Why was I bothered with it I mean I have a beautiful girlfriend, Juvia. I let the matter settle and walked back to her. Maybe I can get him to talk tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow..

Woohoo, a long chapter. I'm proud.. Hope you guys like it. This is my first Gratsu fanfic.