I still have regrets.

Chapter 22: the impossible choice

Gray POV

After I had a good night sleep I woke up next to my fiancé who was still sleeping. I really love this pink haired idiot, I was so glad I was together with him. I caressed his hair, he was stirring in his sleep and even sweating. Probably a bad dream or something. I tried to sooth him. After several minutes he woke up suddenly. He looked at me with a worn face. "Are you alright honey?" I asked him. "Now I am." He responded. I found that a bit silly but okay.

After a moment he turned green and ran as good as he could, more like limping towards the bathroom. I ran after him. I was right he was hurling again. I rubbed his back and sat besides him. "Relax. Let it out. Are you feeling better?" I asked him. Silly question, he doesn't look that well. He nodded. "I feel a little bit better." He looked worried though. I looked at him stern. He looked a little afraid, don't know why though.

"What's wrong?" "I- I'm afraid Gg-ray." "Afraid of what?" "I know it is silly. But I have the feeling I'm not ready for all this." He pointed towards his belly. "Afraid of being a dad or what?" I asked him. He is overreacting. "Kind of but, more afraid of l-l.." He started crying.

"O honey don't cry." I hugged him. "What are you afraid of sweety? You'll be an awesome dad or mam, I don't know how we are going to call each other in front of the kids. Kids. Hear me talking, I mean kid. I would love to get more though. Hehe." I was ranting on. He stood up still crying. He started shaking. "G-gray. I'm more afraid of losing the baby." He screamed.

"I'm was having a nightmare. I don't know I don't have a good feeling about the pregnancy. Maybe..." "What do you mean don't feel good about the pregnancy?" I started to get mad. He flinched. "No.. it's just. I don't know. Maybe they were right, maybe it's too early." "What?! Don't you want to have the baby?" I yelled. He flinched again.

"G-gray. I didn't mean that. I mean.." "What?! Talk about this. What are you afraid of that you ... If you don't want the baby than say it." He started panicking and crying even harder. "Don't Gray. Don't leave me." "Who said I would leave you! Just say why you're so afraid." I was panicking too. "I'm afraid to lose all of this. You. The baby, even my life." "What?! Do you mean you co-could die?" He nodded.

"The nightmare was about losing you, or more so I was dying because of the baby. W-well I gave birth. We were so happy and then I just lost my life. I had to see you so broken, while I couldn't do anything. I-I hate it. I don't want that." "O honey." I cuddled him.

"Let's go to Porlyusica and talk about it with her. If that's what you mean with bad feeling about the pregnancy. Maybe we should talk with her. I mean she knows the risks. And then we talk about it what we decided." This will be hard. Will I be able to make a choice. How will he react if the possibility is big that he will die. I mean I don't want him to die, but to have a family together. Yea I definitely want that. Maybe it is too early. I get why he is so afraid.

"G-gray?" he asked looking confused. "Yea?" I responded. "You zoned out. Everything alright?" I nodded. "Yea just thinking about it all, we will have to face a difficult decision. But we will make it together." "Thank you." He hugged me again. I kissed him.

"Are you ready? We get to Porlyusica." "Aye sir." He made himself ready and we left. When we got towards Porlyusica she was already in the doorway. "I expected you would come. Come in, I hate humans. Argh." We sat down. Natsu looks pale.

"Are you feeling well boy?" she asked looking at Natsu. He nodded. I sighed. "We wanted to talk about the pregnancy." I said. "I thought so, so what about it?" I sighed again. Natsu started to cry again. "I-I'm afraid. I or the baby die." Natsu said crying.

She looked shocked but at the same time not. I can't describe it well, neutral but little worried I guess. "What do you want? Do you want the baby?" she asked. We both gasped. I looked at Natsu. "W-well yea." He smiled. "But we want to make sure we don't endanger the life of Natsu or the baby for it." I said. "I don't want to die." Natsu responded still crying.

She sighed. "Well to be honest, the chance of one of you dying during labor or before is quite big." I didn't expect that. I was shocked. Angry. So much emotions went through me. "What!?" I yelled while getting up. My chair fell over because of it.

"You damn human stay calm." She said, clearly angry. Natsu was shocked and shaking he was silence though. "Why didn't you tell us he could die because of it." I was still angry. "D- do you want the baby?" Natsu asked looking at me with sad eyes. "Yeaa, no. I don't know Natsu. I don't want you to die." I started crying.

"Well I didn't tell you because of this." She pointed towards us. "I hate human drama. So yea, great possibility he or the baby dies because of it, if you want to get rid of the baby that's possible. Just make your choice and come back to me. Both choices are fine with me. I need preparation for both choices. We nodded and walked away.

"Natsu we need to talk, but I don't know if you want to wait with the talk or go to the guild first?" He looked at me. "No let's walk home and talk this is important." I nodded. The walk home was horrible. The silence was killing me and it was awkward.

We came towards our shared home. Let's get this over with. "I don't know Gray what I want." He said clearly getting emotional. "I don't know either. Honey, that's why we need to talk about this. I don't want to lose you Natsu." "I don't want to lose either of you too Gray." Natsu said. "But well I don't know. Argh, this is frustrating." I said.

"Maybe we should just... cancel the pregnancy." He said crying again holding his belly. "Why do I have to choose!" he screamed in frustration. I started crying. "I don't want to choose", Natsu screamed. "Me neither." I yelled. "But I love you too much to lose you, we.." "And the baby! What about the baby, just a moment ago you were so glad we got a baby together."

"I'm glad to get a baby together Natsu, but I don't want to lose you because of it. I would never forgive me for that. I can't raise the baby alone. I don't want to be alone." I yelled, I cried as well. "I don't want to lose the baby either or leave you behind. I just. I don't know. Why is it so hard. Why did you get me pregnant Gray!" he yelled.

"Don't say you didn't want to!" "I didn't want to get pregnant no! I'm happy that I got pregnant, but I wasn't expected this!" he screamed. "Are you implying this is all my fault! You wanted to have sex with me just like me. That was a choice we both took. So don't blame me about it." I yelled. He was shocked. I didn't mean it all, I went to far.

"Maybe we should get rid of the baby." I said. I don't know if that was the right choice. "Is that what you want?" "I don't know Natsu I don't want to be alone. I don't want to lose you. But I don't want to lose the baby. It's a hard choice we shouldn't make this choice rushed."

"Your right. Maybe your right about everything. But I don't want to choose now." "Then we don't choose know honey, let's think this through. And let's get to the guild." Natsu winked his tears away. "Yea let's think about it and go to the guild."