The corpse of the past

Chapter 3: A nightmare

Chapter 3

-Katniss-

I can't breathe or feel. I just stare in front of me.

A boy with ashy blonde messed up hair, clear ocean blue and beautiful eyes, standing there in the doorway. He smiles his beautiful smile. His eyes aren't dark blue now, like they used to be when he was under his hijacking. Is he ... Is he in his normal state?

"Hey Katniss", Peeta says carefully, watching my every eye move. Haymitch stands in the middle of us and just smiles like a dork.

What the hell?! Why didn't he tell me this? How could he keep this from me?

"I'm sorry, I can't do this", I whisper and run up the stairs into my room.

I slam my door and throw myself onto my bed.

I don't know why I did this, I just know that I don't want to cry in front of Peeta, and I do know that I wanna kill Haymitch. But I don't cry. Why? I'm happy that I don't, but I maybe will soon, maybe it's just the shock that prevents me from crying.

It knocks on the door.

"No stay away! I mean it, stay away from me!"

I don't know who it was. But I hear steps and the person, Peeta or Haymitch, do as I say and leaves. I understand that it must have been Peeta. The steps were light and soft, and he did as I said ... Haymitch would never do what I said. He would've broken the door down.

I jump out of my bed, put on my fathers old hunting jacket and my old boots, I open the window and climb down from the house. I run as fast as I can into the woods.

I run and run, but I trip over something and fall with my face first on the ground. It hurts. But I don't get up. I just lie there, and now the tears comes. Peeta is back. He's back in District 12 and I'm being an ass towards him. Why am I being an ass? I don't want to be an ass, but I am. I get mud in my mouth as I breath in heavily between my heavy sobs. Ugh. I cough and sit up. I feel something warm sipping down my face from my forehead.

I put my hand where it hurts on my forehead and when I look, my fingers are red. Blood. Oh god, why do I always end up hurting myself?

Well, it doesn't matter.

I stand up and walk up to the tree where I hide my bow and arrow. I take them and immediately feel at home. I feel more at home here, nowhere else gives me this feeling of a home.

I start to sneak, looking for something to shoot. I see a squirrel. I aim at the squirrel and shoot.

"Yes!" I say winning when I see the squirrel fall to the ground from the tree.

I jog up to the dead squirrel and pick it up, but I drop it again. What am I going to do with it anyway?

I sigh and start to walk towards my lake. When I reach my lake I smile. I just lay down in the grass right at the edge of the lake. My hand drops down in the water and I take a deep breath. I want to live here. Here in the woods. I can be myself here, I really can and I just love that, and right now there is not much I love with my life.

I wish that I'd taken Prim here. I didn't though, but I really wish I had. At the time when she was alive, there was not much beauty to look at, besides the cakes in the bakery that Peeta decorated. It's beautiful here. The grass is really green, the trees has rich crowns and they stand pretty close. But between two of the trees the sun shins through in a really beautiful way. I hate myself for not showing Prim this, I mean sure, it's a long way out here, but it's totally worth it.

Tears starts to stream down my face at the thought of Prim. She died too young, and she had no chance to see something real beautiful. I wish she was here. I took care of her for most of the time, but she did always say the right things to me, and I miss her so much. I just wish that I could have her here in my arms, braid her hair in the two braids like I always used to when she was little. I want my baby sister back.