Haley comes to see Lily for the first time in a long time.
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Haley knew she needed to go visit Lily. It had been a long time she had spoke to the other girl, but thoughts of the last time they spoke came flooding back to her. As much as she loved her, she couldn't bear going to see her. She knew that visiting her would only bring the pain that she had suppressed back to the surface and that was the last thing she wanted.
She always told herself to remember the good things. The times they had when they were together, but that only did so much for Haley. She wanted so much more time than what she was given. She wanted to be able to hold Lily and remind her that she was loved, but no. That opportunity was gone.
This wasn't the first time she had wanted to visit Lily, but she always ended up not going. She knew she should. She felt so bad for not trying to explain to Lily why she hadn't been there for her when she needed her most. She knew Lily was weak and that she needed Haley, but Haley couldn't. She felt selfish for not seeing her, but she was scared of her feelings. She had just gotten over the girl and she didn't want to fall back into the depths she had just crawled out of.
However, she found herself standing in front of her mirror. She tried to wear something she knew Lily would love. Haley had pulled her dark curly hair into a bun, leaving a few strands hanging in front of her face. Lily loved when Haley would do that, now she was hardly able to without thinking of Lily. Haley starred into her green eyes for a moment, seeing the sadness held within. She couldn't help but think that Lily had put that sadness there, that if Lily didn't leave then Haley wouldn't be so sad all the time. Depressed some would say.
She wore a yellow sweater, yellow being the girl's favorite, and light overalls. It was November, nearly 6 months after Lily left her. She had no clue how she had survived the past 6 months, but she had. She was proud of herself for doing it, but she was curious as to how the next 6 would treat her. She would have to have Christmas without her, which was new. She hadn't celebrated Christmas without Lily for 5 years almost.
Haley pulled on her white converse before leaving her small apartment. It was just starting to get cold, today being on the cooler side. As she stepped outside and the cold air cut into her, making tears form in the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away before taking in a deep breath and heading towards her destination.
Haley had no clue what she was going to say. She was worried Lily would be upset that Haley hadn't come sooner. She didn't want Lily to be upset with her. She knew that she should feel ashamed for waiting so long. Haley knew that Lily's parents disowned her after finding out she was bisexual and that Haley and her were dating.
Haley felt terrible. Nobody would've visited Lily. She had a few friends, but none of them were close enough to come visit her. Haley felt a hole in her chest form as she could see Lily sitting there wishing someone would come and see her. Guilt riddled her, but she shook it away. She needed to be strong for Lily.
Haley stopped when she came to her destination. She slowly walked past the gates. The grass was green as she continued walking. Her heart dropped farther and farther to Lily. She wanted to turn back and forget about everything, but something made her continue.
She sat down criss-cross when she got where she needed to be. She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as she felt the wind pick up slightly. She put her hand on the grass beneath her, taking a moment to let the feelings within her settle.
"Hey. I know it's been a while, but I've missed you." Haley starts, not knowing exactly what to say. "I'm sorry you know. I really wanted to come and visit you, but...I...I couldn't get myself to come. I didn't want to confirm that we were...that you...you know." She whispered, trying to hop around certain words so she didn't cry.
"I've being trying to stay positive about everything. I tried remembering everything good, but after a while it doesn't do so much good.
"People always ask me if I'm okay and I don't know how to answer them. I want to tell them that I'm fine, but if I do I would be lying. I don't know how people do it, Li, I really don't. It feels so...so empty without you. I've wanted nothing more than to kiss you one last time, but I can't and I'm sorry.
"How are you? I feel like shit for not asking you sooner. You're all alone over there too aren't you? I hope everyone is treating you right. You deserve so much better than this. You were so beautiful and happy all the time. I wish I could take a little bit of that happiness right now. It's been so dark everywhere I go. I...I miss you so much." Haley feels herself starting to break down. The knot in her stomach was getting tighter as she felt herself chocking up over her tears. She let a few stray ones slip down her cheeks.
She reminds herself to think of the good things. The better times. The times when they were together and they were happy. Before everything starting going downhill. Before Lily left her. Haley sucks in a long deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She didn't want Lily to see her like this.
"Do you remember the first time we kissed? It was back in senior year. You were at my house and we had ended up laying next to each other in bed. You had kissed me first. Your lips were so fucking soft and I wish I could have that feeling again. It was a wonderful feeling, but you being the playful person you...you...uh...yeah. You told me that, 'Everyone always told me girl's lips are soft, but damn you have chapped lips!'. I got so worried about it, but you shrugged it off and kissed me again.
"You asked me out a few days later. God I remember looking into your deep blue eyes and wanting to cry because...you...you loved me. I was pinning after you for so long and you had finally starting liking me back. That was the best day of my life. Still is.
"The day I lost was the worst. Nobody thought to tell me verbally. I guess nobody knew how. It was Liam who called. He told me that you...that uh you...were...gone. He apologized for it and promised he would come over and spend as much time as he needed to, but I pushed him away. I haven't spoken to him since.
"You were the best thing that ever happened to me Lily. The best thing. Why did you leave me?" Haley was sobbing now. She brought her hands to her face and cried into them. She sat there for a while, letting herself calm down.
She stood wanting, no needing, to leave. If she stayed any longer she knew she would be a mess tomorrow. She felt a little better after talking to her. She didn't feel like all of her emotions were stacking on top of each other. She felt light.
Haley knelt and kissed the cool stone in front of her, letting her fingers stay there for a moment. She stood again. Haley was there when they had dropped her girlfriend, fiancée , into the earth, but she hadn't read the tombstone that they had put up.
Lily Tomlinson
1991-2016
Loving daughter, sister, and girlfriend
We met on Earth and will be reunited in Heaven.
"I'm love you." I mutter as I turn around and slowly walk away from her. I had to move on with my life, even if it meant closing this chapter. The road ahead would be scary without my best friend and lover by my side, but it was one I would have to travel.
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HEY GUYS!! So this is my first Fem!Larry one shot. I didn't want to the whole one shot to be about them being girls, so I came up with this. What do you think? Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! ~B
