A one shot where the rain reminds Louis of his mother.
~_~_~
"I think it's gonna rain, Mom," Louis hums. His hands brush over the cool, stone bench beneath him. His blue eyes look up and he notice the dark color of the clouds. He had read the forecast and it's call for rain and maybe that's why he came. He breathes in and the distinct smell of rain hits him like a rock.
He look across the field around him and sees hundreds of headstones. His mother's was among them. He knew that she wasn't really here, that her soul and what made her her was gone. This place was simply a holding place for her body. He still came here to talk to her, even though he knew she couldn't hear him, in a way it felt like she could.
He remembers the day she died like it was yesterday. She had a long battle with leukemia, starting in January, only for her battle to end in November of the same year. She had been in the hospital for a while before her death and Louis made sure to see her as often as he could. He remembers looking outside and noticing the gray clouds forming as she slowly passed away, as if the world was mourning her death with him. Louis' boyfriend, Harry, had comforted him that day. Louis remembers leaving the hospital and the rain slamming on him.
In that moment, it felt like the world was pushing him down and the rain was how it was going to do it. The rain pressed into him in a hard and demanding way. The rain stung against his skin and maybe it was a representation of how he felt. He was upset with his mother for leaving him and the rain fell the same way, angry and powerful.
He shakes his head, bringing himself to the present. Harry always knew when Louis was thinking about that day. It was the rainy days that reminded him of his mother's passing. The sunny days were reserved for the happy memories, but he was promised the rainy days for crying.
Today, however, he didn't feel like crying. He felt the rain being held back like a dam in the sky. He knew it would start raining at any moment, but he didn't feel the familiar set of tears being held back with it.
A moment later he felt the first drop from the sky. It was light and left a dark spot on his jeans. He starred at it, intrigued. A few moments later another few dots fell and soon enough the bench was almost covered. He could feel the temperature dropping as the water fell from the sky.
He had brought an umbrella, but he couldn't be bothered to open it. He sat on the bench as the rain fell around him, on him, and in a way he felt complete. He watches as the clear rain drops run down the names of the deceased. The clouds become a couple shades darker as the minutes tick by. Louis watches the rain fall in sheets over the horizon curiously. He tries to keep his mind there, focusing on the rain so it wouldn't wander to sadder things.
The rain had soaked through his clothes completely and he wasn't bothered by it a bit. If he thought hard enough he could imagine it was his mother's arms wrapping around him instead of his wet clothes. He remembers the times from his childhood when his mother and him would curl up on the couch during a thunder storm and watch the rain roll down the window.
Louis decides with a sigh to open the umbrella sitting next to him. He pulls the rainbow cloth over his head and lets out a shiver before standing. He finds himself walking through the cemetery; with a quick glance down his notices how completely ruined his new shoes were. He watches his feet guide him through the graves, until they stop.
He tilts the umbrella away from his head and reads the gravestone in front of him.
Johannah Deakin
1973-2016
Because God always picks the most beautiful flowers.
A loving mother to Louis, Charlotte, Felicite, Phoebe, Daisy, Doris, and Ernest.
When Louis' eyes glance over his mother's name and the words that Charlotte had picked out his finds his heart breaking. His mother was his only rock and she was gone. He had loved her so much, but he could do nothing for her in her dying days.
Louis finds himself pulling his umbrella down and letting the rain hit his head. Louis wanted to cry. He felt like he needed to cry for his mother, but no matter how hard he tried, his eyes wouldn't produce any tears. He furrows his eyebrows and looks back at the tombstone.
"You're the best thing that has ever happened to me Mom. You've taught me so much about myself and how to act and I've never thanked you for that. I'll always remember how you always managed to stay positive. Even when you were having a bad day you still managed to find a way to help someone else and that's such a beautiful thing. It's my favorite thing about you, your willingness to help others. I love you so much, Mom." Louis feels himself starting to choke up, but he doesn't let himself cry.
He promises himself then that the rain would no longer represent sadness and emptiness. He wouldn't let himself only cry on the days when it rained because happiness can be found even in the rain. He thinks back to his mother and how even on her rainy days she still managed to give him a smile and he decides then that was how he wanted to be. On his rainy days he wasn't going to cry and make a big fuss about it, he was going to make someone else feel better. He would take his rain and help water someone else and help them grow.
"Thank you Mom, because I finally understand the rain."
