Horse Ridin' (Motionless In White)

Chapter 35: Ready To Go

Written: 11/2/16

Notes: Its 10am and I'm drinking my coffee while writing this. We'll see how this goes. (I'm also re-living when I was 11 and listening to a little Panic! At The Disco. Don't judge.)

Update: It's now 8 pm and Melanie Martinez just came on my Spotify station. Time to get OFF THE COMPUTER BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE HER AT ALL, K THANKS BYE

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"So..." Josh trailed off, looking down at his feet. 

Sirenia blinked. "So?"

"I don't know what to say." He admitted, earning a scoff from Sirenia. "What?"

"How do you not know what to say? It seems pretty simple to me." Sirenia snapped, crossing her arms sassily. She was pissed- as she should be. She also did not understand how Josh was unsure of what to say. It did in fact seem pretty simple- apologize for what he did and hope like hell she forgave him.

Would Sirenia forgive him? At the moment she felt unsure. Part of her knew she'd ultimately forgive him, but another more obstinate part of her felt that she shouldn't forgive so easily. Was he worth forgiving? Yes. Would it take a while before she trusted him as much as she did before again? Absolutely. But did she want to take that time to build the trust again? She wasn't sure if she could handle being screwed over again.

And there the question lay.

Josh wasn't sure he deserved to be forgiven. He didn't know what to say or how get his feelings across. He'd assessed the situation over and over in his head and run through many different outcomes- but they'd never ended how he wanted them to. And because of that he was reluctant to enter a situation like this at all. Could he just avoid this conflict and go on with their relationship how it was before?

'No, that's not possible until you clean up your mess, Josh.' His conscience reminded him, causing him to sigh dejectedly. His only way of getting back to how things were was to confront the situation head on- which he was not at all looking forward to. Especially with Sirenia staring at him like that.

So Josh started talking.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you enough," He started, keeping his eyes trained on the keyboard so he didn't have to meet her gaze. "It was wrong of me to neglect our relationship yet expect things to stay okay between us. If I could go back and fix things I would- but as that's not possible I believe the only thing to do now is apologize and move forward. It's up to you what moving forward means as I'm sure it would be hard to forgive me and continue our relationship after what I did. I can only hope that you want to continue on with our relationship and are willing to let me earn your trust back."

Sirenia only stared. How was she supposed to respond? She had ideas for revenge, lots of revenge, yet she wanted to forgive him. Could she still prank him if she forgave him? That seemed illogical, but then again Ghost did mention that she could do that...

She glanced to where Rosaline was sitting near the door, unsurprised to find her already looking in her direction. Sirenia raised her eyebrows in a silent question, earning only a shrug from her younger sister. 

'Well that was really fucking helpful.' Sirenia thought, letting out a muffled groan of discontent. Could this whole situation just be worked out for her? She didn't want to deal with it anymore. She was sick and tired of it- could she just have a relationship like Rosaline and Ricky? She never thought she'd say that, but in that moment it was the first thing that came to mind.

As much as Sirenia wanted to forgive Josh so they could move on with their relationship something was keeping her from doing so- trust. Her trust in him had been torn up, crushed and thrown into the wind. She had absolutely no trust left for him, leaving her with the overwhelming decision of whether he'd be able to earn it back or not.