Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

2.1 Vampstruck

Carmen eased into having me as a roommate fairly quickly. I guess I owe credit to her experiences with her sister's boyfriend. He was mostly awake at night, drank only blood, and cast no reflection whenever he passed by reflective surfaces. She figured most of the things surrounding him didn't match up with me as she has seen me awake during the day and eat solid food. She also knew I can hide my reflection.

"Why the fuck aren't you like other vampires? You seem so, erm, I wouldn't use the word normal but–"

"I look like the average person on the street, don't I?"

"Yeah, that's it."

I swirled a shot glass filled with blood bought from the butchery. "You've seen me the first few weeks we've been together. I mean, I haven't looked pale since I've started eating regularly."

"That explains you devouring two whole extra large pizzas and a cake and not gaining a pound. You can eat food, but it doesn't affect you as much as drinking blood."

"Pretty much that. If there's one thing I'm certain about all vampires, it's that we're quite vain about our appearance. Not enough blood and we start looking like those bat-faced creatures from Buffy, but worse."

Carmen made a gagging sound. She must've imagined me on a bad day. "So, what about any magic abilities? You can hypnotize people, well, me at least. How about telekinesis? Or changing into something? Maybe you can read minds? I could get you to play poker and win—"

"I'm sure you have more questions to ask, but in all honesty I can't answer them all. It's not like the moment you turn all knowledge of everything vampire implants into your brain."

She slumped and scratched the back of her head. After pausing to think, she blurted, "Mick St. John was 85 in human years and he knew everything about vampires."

"Who's Mick St. John?"

Just before she could answer my question, the intercom buzzed. Carmen sprung off the sofa and walked over to answer it instead. "You're late!"

"I'm not late," A male voice with a similar accent to Carmen's retorted. "You said come over Saturday at four."

"It's five thirty man!"

While they argued via the intercom, I went to my room to put pants on. The man likely was coming into the apartment and I had to appear civilized. So much for spending the day lounging in my underwear. Once I found a pair of sweatpants and put them on, I returned to the living room. Carmen had finished talking and left to retrieve him. When she returned, they were still arguing about something.

"When I say four o'clock I mean come here at four. You can come here at three fifty-five or you can come at ten past four." After she closed the door, she introduced me to her friend. He dressed in attire in what would be called "mall goth", black shirt and pants underneath a trench coat. No need for black lipstick as his lips were naturally dark, but he had a thick amount of eyeliner. Carmen probably told him to dress down to avoid scaring me.

"Lena, this is Max. We're both doing pharmacology masters and he's dropping by with some beer." She took the bottle from him and added on, "Ginger beer."

By "dropping by" she invited him. She thought I need more friends, considering I mentioned none of mine to her. I slowly extended my hand to shake his. Can't be rude.

Max grabbed my hand. Not long after, he retracted his and shivered.

Carmen grabbed my hand after and said, "Did you stick your hand in the freezer while I was gone?"

"I didn't stick my hand in the freezer. All your hands are just warm." I rubbed my hands hoping to warm them up. Instead, I got distracted by a string of meat caught between my teeth. By reflex I took my right index finger and picked around my right fang. From the corner of my eye I saw Max's eyes pop out in surprise. "Oh, sorry about that," I said and stopped picking my teeth.

Max expression didn't change once I stopped. He started to hyperventilate though. Hey, I'd do the same if I saw something anxiety inducing.

"You okay there man?" Carmen quickly ran to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. She then made eye contact with me and motioned with her head for me to leave. A good idea as I had no idea what to do. While I headed straight to my room I couldn't help but overhear her conversation.

"You're just imagining things, Max. You and your obsessions."

"But I saw—"

"Her teeth came out that way. Your auntie Edna has a fang-shaped canine, and she's not what you think Lena is."

And from that I had a strong feeling Max was a fanboy. He nearly fainted from the sight of seeing my teeth. I hoped that he put it past him and Carmen led him away from that conclusion. It turned out he had other ways of confirming his perceptions.

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For Max, meeting an actual vampire is like meeting an celebrity. Have you met someone famous (they don't have to be known internationally but maybe known to you and a few people)? If you haven't yet who would you like to meet one day? (even if it's just for a 15 second photo-op)

As for Carmen mentioning being hypnotized, the short Mirror Talk (in the shorts and contest entries book) in should explain that.

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Edited: 10/09/2017