Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

2.0 The Fanboy

I'm not one for singing, but I love karaoke night. The atmosphere of the event itself is supportive, but not everyone is at Talia's. The tavern serves as a neutral territory whether you're a human or a supernatural. Respect, however, is a two-way street as the saying goes. Even if it means appeasing Social Justice Werewolf. I don't know what her name is, but that's what patrons nicknamed her. A popular tune during karaoke night is Duran Duran's "Hungry like the Wolf." Ever since she hung out at the bar, she complained about people singing songs about supernaturals which she interpreted as cultural appropriation and offensive. Talia honoured the request of course, but allowed patrons to sing whatever they wanted once Social Justice Werewolf was no longer in the pub.

But I'm not focusing on her. Taking the stage is a dark-skinned man in stereotypical goth fashion from the early 00's. His song choice? "Raspberry Beret" by Prince. This goth guy happens to be Carmen's friend Max, and he's, for a lack of a better word, a vampire fanboy. Sure "self-proclaimed familiar" and "Renfield" can work but fanboy seems to be more accurate. Yes, fangirls exist too, and they behave in the same way, but gender pragmatics isn't the focus here.

Basically, a fanboy gets their information from their favourite medium whether it's film or teen fiction romance; the latter mainly attracting the female crowd. Something to do with the dream of being whisked away by the brooding, suicidal, self-hating male lead. Hardcore ones take it to the next level by researching folklore from around the world. They even produced decent academic papers. They're hilarity when most of them are inaccurate and lack actual interviews with vampires. No matter whether you're fanboy or fangirl or fanwhatever, the hardcore's ultimate dream is to become one. At least that's what I initially thought of when I met Max.

The audience applauds as Max takes a bow. Okay, most of the participants in karaoke night tonight are ghosts. Max isn't a fan of large crowds and he didn't mind he could only count ten bodies in the entire building. Now you're wondering how ghosts perform karaoke if only few in the Tavern could see and hear them. Just as he walks off the stage, Rosa, a witch who can communicate with the dead, walks on. The bald lady pants from exhaustion as most of them preferred to use her to sing. The closer you are to the spirits the easier it is for them to possess you.

"This place is wonderful!" Max exclaims upon sitting between me and Carmen. "I get to meet vampires, werewolves, witches, and ghosts though I can't see them. I'm mostly excited for the vampires though."

"Glad you like it here." Carmen rolls her eyes then downs her second glass of rum. "Maybe the bloodsuckers will flock to you instead of me."

"Carmen, of course they flock to you! Your blood type's–"

She glares at him. "Wha di raas? You want to make things worse?"

Max closes his mouth then leans into his chair.

"Anyway, I have to go the toilet. You can escort me there if it means you'll meet more vampires on the way."

Max's face lights up and he springs to his feet. His fingers twitch to the point his hands are beginning to flap.

"Me and my obsession with karaoke," Carmen mutters as she stands up. "Next time I'm on the rag, we're not going here."

After they leave, so does Social Justice Werewolf for the night. The moment she is out the door the whole bar crowds on stage and we dance and sing to "Hungry like the Wolf." We sing it loud and proud, but a split second action forces us to stop.

Social Justice Werewolf walks back in and heads straight to the bar. "Sorry, I forgot my jacket," she says as she picks it up from a bar stool. She stares at us, suspicious that we did something forbidden in her absence. "You all weren't singing that song, were you?"

Everyone but me shook their head no. She knows I'm from Bulgaria and if I shook my head, it meant yes. Even my nod will tip her off too. And it does.

"Lena, was everyone here singing that song?"

Keeping a stern face I answer, "No, of course not! It's totally offensive to all wolf kind."

Social Justice Werewolf nods her head and leaves the bar again. A minute passes and we resume our stage party with Carmen and Max joining us.

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Oh hey it's the start of a new episode, and we get to meet a new character! Okay you don't have to be excited as I am. The original title for this episode was going to be The Otaku but the English usage of it narrows it to someone obsessed with anime and manga while the Japanese usage (going by Wiktionary) has it as someone obsessed with something to the point they're excluding social interaction. Prince's songs aren't that easy to find in their original form so it's why there's a karaoke version linked (fitting for a scene that takes place during karaoke night).

And speaking of obsessions what are some of yours? (books? games? certain celebrities? vampires?)

Like what you've read? You know what to do. Feel free to spread the word too :)

Edit 06/09/2017: Added more content to this chapter as it was a little short. Feel free to weigh in on it. Also apparently Prince's videos can not be found on YouTube but I'm gonna stick with the karaoke audio for this one.