Let's Go For A Pint (Vampire/Humor)

8.0 The Hallowe'en Special

Friendly reminder that this is a fictional universe. Whatever is canon in the real world ain't always canon in a fictional world.

Out of all the modern, western holidays celebrated, Hallowe'en has got to be my favourite. If it has to do with being a vampire, it's one hundred percent that. I don't have to hide what I am, but in the spirit of things chose to dress up as Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That's Kristy Swanson and not Sarah Michelle what's-her-name. Maybe I should've dressed as the latter, but that's not important now. With humans dressing up and pretending to be vampires, actual vampires can go out and be themselves, and guess what? No one gives a shit! Not even if some trick-or-treater gets eaten.

Growing up in the home country, I celebrated different holidays. Basically, any commemoration of a war victory or the birthday of the royal house members. Parties were lavish and quite bloody too. Human guests would end up as the main course, bar one who would get turned. There was Christmas too, but we considered that a human holiday celebrating the birth of one of the most prominent figures in vampire history. Don't believe me that Jesus was a vampire? It's something to do with eating flesh and drinking blood joining two people if I can recall. Take it as a spiritual union between God and human beings if you will, but it's essentially a guy recruiting humans to join our side. Anyway, Vampire Christmas is essentially another excuse to "invite" humans and get drunk off them.

As I sit at the bar and watch many costumed regulars at Talia's take the dance floor, I'm glad I'm not at the party Tino's at. While I did volunteer to supervise the kids, I had to hide from Tino's family. I know I said Hallowe'en is the holiday when I can be myself, but that isn't the case for Tino. The poor kid wants to celebrate like, well, any kid. His family, however, views it not as a holiday but as a work day.

"What a bunch of cunts," James says as he approaches the bar. He knocks back the hood from his cassock and readjusts the pentacle hanging from his neck. "My mum convinced the coven I could hae a part in the Samhainn blessing, but they shut me out last minute. Apparently my six-year-old cousin outranks me because she has legs. And they decided that it's only the women who should perform the blessing. I suspect the high priestess is a misandrist and is trying to turn the coven into a cult."

"You ever think of joining one that's friendlier with gender equality?"

"Mum's a priestess as well as the coven's spokesperson. After what I've done in my teenage years, me leaving would compromise her position. It's something I hae to keep up until I give her a granddaughter or the coven gets a new high priestess."

"You know, you could fake your death," Talia suggests after placing a drink in front of him. "It worked for me when I wanted to leave my coven."

"But it didnae work, did it?" James takes the tumbler from the bar. "They found ye once the Soviet Union collapsed. Don't covens from yer country issue death sentences for apostasy?"

"They used to, but it's more of a tribunal punishment for convincing others to leave if convicted. Luckily, they bought the excuse of political refuge as the reason for my disappearance." She looks at the two of us then says, "I understand why Carmen left the moment you arrived, Lenuchka. You, James, should know the tavern is literally a ghost town around this time."

James chugs down his drink. "Still better than getting reminded why I should jump off a bridge. Now if y'excuse me, I need to use the lavvy." After he puts down the tumbler, he makes his way to the men's room, shuddering each time he walks through a ghost.

Now, where was I?

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Now why would a Hallowe'en themed episode be uploaded when it's not Hallowe'en? Holiday themed episodes appear on TV as reruns anyway. Speaking of said holiday, do you like to dress up? Or maybe you're a cosplayer where you don't need Hallowe'en to dress up (other than find supplies)? What was your favourite costume?

You know the drill by now and you guys are awesome for making it this far.

Song featured: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson.

Edited: 08/03/2020