Retaliation

Chapter One

It had been an entire month or so since the whole Shawn and Shay affair went down. I could still feel the fury I felt in that moment, when I was reminded of it. There was no way I could forget about it. One reason being that I could still see their faces in the back of my mind and the other being that the news wouldn't just forget the whole incedent.

Everyday it plays on the channel news, every morning, every afternoon, every freaking night! Did they find new evidence? Do they have any suspects? Were there bodies in the house? If so how many? Who started the fire? It was getting on my everlasting nerves!

Every time that I saw it, I immediatly turnt the tv off. I could care less if the feds were looking for me. Hell I did what I did and I dont regret not a damn thing. I have no sympathy for Shawn and Shay. I could careless if their mothers had any piece of them left to bury.

I know thats pretty cruel but Im hurt too. I didnt deserve to be betrayed the way I did.

I paced the floor of my seasonal miami home.

I had been here since the whole alltercation went down. When I left that house, I drove straight to Florida. No rest stops, no brake, no sleep. Just the steam from my fury in the engine of my car leading me straight here.

Once the news dropped, I had calls and texts coming from Greg, Jeana and Catherine.

GAWD! They were getting on my nerves. It was bad enough I was trying to keep from pulling the hair out of my head and losing my mind behind the thought of me going to jail for two counts of murder and arson!

I walked away from the spot that I was pacing and headed into the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of Honey Jack Daniels and took a long swig. I let the alcohol burn the back of my throat as it went down. I wasn't the everyday drinker but lately I found myself partaking in this type of theropy more than usual.

After awhile the fire that formed in my throat from the whisky became no more. I was numb to the feeling. I walked to the back of the house and found my way to the bedroom but I didnt get into the bed. I opened the sliding patio doors and took a seat in the white lounge chairs.

If I ever had a choice to be a smoker.. right now would be the perfect time cause I was damn sure yerning for a blunt or two. I knew eventually I would have to turn myself in but I was going to do that on my time.

I found myself laying in that patio chair all night. I considered it my safe place. Hell this whole house was my safe place. No one knew I was here. No one knew about this seasonal home. Nobody but Shawn and me and he damn sure couldn't tell nobody, except the demons in hell.

My body became chilly from the cold wind as it became heavy. I didnt even consider the idea of changing into a more cozy attire. I thought the whisky alone would heat me up, as heavy as I was consuming it but I was wrong. So I just sat there.. I sat there in nothing but a tshirt and shorts as I nearly froze to death. Hell I didnt care.. I figured why not let my body become as cold as my heart was..

I could hear my phone on the dressor vibrating like there was no tomorrow. It had been doing that for as long as I could remember. There was no need for me to go and see who it was.. I already knew.

"Damn.. Nobody can catch a hint I guess." I said aloud to myself before I took another sip. "Why can't they leave me the fuck alone!"

I leaned my head back against the chair taking in the cool breeze.

Before I knew it, 12:00 had snuck up on me as I realized I had taken a full blown nap in that chair. I forced myself up and wobbled my way into the house, closing and locking the sliding doors.

I went to the thermostat and turnt on the heat. I headed back into the bedroom and literaly dropped into the middle of the bed.

I looked up at the chandalier on the ceiling and thoughts about my mother took over my mind.

"You gotta get up from here Paula. Its okay to get knocked down every now and then but don't you dare stay there! You pick yourself up and you keep pressing on!"

I could hear my mother preaching to me clear as day as I listened to those words. It was as if she was standing right there beside me.

Tears formed heavily in my eyes as I remembered her strong words of wisdom. I cried my heart out as I realized what condition I was in. I cried heavily.. I cried until I gave myself a headache.. I cried until my eyes became bloodshot red and I couldnt see through the heat of my tears. I crawled to the top of the bed and balled up under the covers comforting myself.

All night all I could repeat to myself was "Why me?" "Why me?".

Everything that Shawn and Shay had done, ruined me. Ruined everything I stood for, everything I believed in. I was clearly falling apart at the seams and there was no one to pick me up. No one to stand beside me and tell me that I was going to be okay. I had no one to turn too.

I cried out my mother's name in the emptiness of the house. I called out her name so much that one would have thought I had a recording playing that was stuck on repeat.

There were plenty times that I needed her but right now was the moment that I needed her most. I needed her comforting voice. I didnt even have my big mama on this earth to turn too either. I needed that old wisdom.

Every moment that I found myself needing someone to stand in my corner.. it was always those two. I didnt have neither one of them. I didnt have neither one of those sweet faces to look into.. neither one of those strong yet soft shoulders to fall into.. to lay into their laps as they ran their fingers through my scalp.

God knows I needed those women.. I needed them like never before...