Thoughts...

I ruin everything.

No matter how many times you think you've changed... you haven't
Your still that bitch that ruins everything
You fuck everything up
Your scared of rejection so you push everyone away but once you do that you greatest fear settles in... loneliness
Everyone hates me just like the good old days huh
I try to stop being selfish because that was what I was and to the extreme I put everyone else first and I left myself with failing grades, horible hygiene, and problems that I guess are unimportant to yours
I try to stop being bossy cause that was what I once was and again to the extreme I had people boss me around
I try to be the best I can... I want to be this woman who is independent, strong, truthful, confident, and caring but when I try to be these things but I always end up failing and hurting the people I care about.
Maybe people hate me cause I am being myself or maybe because I am not.
But all I know is that when I tried being myself to my best friend we had a fight and I ended up hurting her which was the last thing I wanted to happen.
I swear after someone left my life everything has just gone down hill.
There was a few things that went right like meeting a new person, making someone get in to Phan, and a teacher complimenting me on hard work.
But over that all I've done is disappoint, lie, and destroy every relationship I've had with someone cause that's just what I do
I ruin things.
Because once you try to be a better person everything just goes wrong and you fuck up your life.
I will always be that selfish, bossy, rude bitch that fucks up everything.
Why?
Because that's just who I am... and I am not proud of it.