Thoughts...

Baseball Meeting

So here is the whole story... well the parts I remember.

It started one day when I walking into school after lunch. I see my best friend with her boyfriend and I was going to go to them but this guy came up to me and was pushing me around and then we started the thing of me hitting his arm and him saying it hurt. So every time I see him now I must do that to him and he has the same reaction except for when I was at the baseball meeting which is a great story to tell let me say...

So I am so ready for these tryouts cause I love baseball it is my favorite sport tbh but anyways I was there and standing off to the side since I am just a manager and then I finally get closer to the team cause I had to get use to it and the guy I was talking about was on there so he came up to me and just stood there of course my immediate reaction was to hit his shoulder or course he said oww but he added something extra to the sentence. "Oww, why do you keep hitting on me?" and then pulled down his shades and winked at me. I laugh and shake my head then turn back to the coach.

So all weekend I just had a different idea of him... its embarrassing to say this but he was the first person I thought of when I woke in the morning and the last person when I went to sleep. I thought what if... which is not a good thing for me cause I start overthinking. I just put off these feelings because I was like never going to happen and also no no no you dont like him not at all you are just friends dont ruin this relationship like you did with all the rest of friend you caught feelings for.

So Monday... wow Monday lets say this was eventful and very busy one. I thought I should just forget about him and just do my school work but then the prompt for my 2nd period class was like him and Ashley are siblings, he pushes her off his bike. What trait does he have? And then I go to 3rd period all fucked up cause he is also im that clasd so its great. So anyways we had a baseball meeting and I went. The guy I was talking about had broken his fingers so he didn't get to play because like they hurt but he still showed up to show that he was committed to the sport but this was more than sitting on the side line. We were like managers we had to go to the baseball locker room to get buckets and they didn't have any but we did race there and back and of course the cross country star beat me but I aint salty about it. Anyways I was going to build this batting cage by myself but he decided to help me and we built it even though it was backwards it worked. I got assigned the job of soft tossing to the players so they practice batting. He was there helping me pick up all the balls and handing them to me and at one point we had to put the balls away and he was carrying four balls and I was carrying five later on from the walk back he said he had 6 balls but only 4 were in his hands and of course me not getting the joke i say yeah and I was carrying five so that was a total of 9 balls cause like 5 + 4 = 9 he repeated the joke about two times before I got it and was like ohh you nasty and shook my head and walked back to see the rest batting from pitches thrown by one of the coaches. He stood next to me and we just watched and some guy came up to bat and had a ball in his back pocket which made it look weird like he broke a bone of course I have to say something out loud like doesn't it look like he broke his bone in his butt and of course the other girl manager was like why are you looking there and I was like it just looked weird and the guy that I have been talking about said oh so I know where you look now and then said I need a ball now and sure as hell he came back with a ball in his butt pocket and I knew we wanted me to look there so I just keep my eyes up and he saw me doing this and was like ohh I really need to tie my shoes and bent over and looked back at me and winked I was like really really I hate you and I looked back up to see them still batting. Near the end of the practice I checked my phone to see if my mom called cause if she did I better call her but she didn't and so I texted her saying practice might run late cause you know batting practice and I would still need to clean up after. So I was texting and he came up to me and was like can I use your phone and I am like why and he said oooo he said this sentence that I still can not get this out of my mind it just keeps on repeating over and over even in school. He said cause I promise my mom that I will call her when I fell in love and over dramatized the word love like they do in the movies and I am just stunned and like walk away. So after that we still just watched the batters but like when the person that I thought had a broken butt bone came running by he was all like well don't you want to tell him something and I was like no no no I am not telling him that I looked at his butt and thought he had broken it. So I just backed up and left simple but after that I had to go to my brother baseball practice and do homework and then go out to dinner for my parents anniversary and once I got home I started on other homework once that was done I started to think of all the things that happened and then I started to fangirl thinking that someone might like me and that pick up line just kept repeating in my head and I was like why would he say that if we are just friends like there has to be more and then I started thinking maybe I like him back and by now I am fangirling over this which is ridiculous cause it's me and just all of it left me in tears cause then I started to remember all the failed relationships that never happened because I thought he other person liked me. Then to make sure I was extra exhausted I stayed up til two trying to catch a damn fly which is now buzzing right in front of my face.

So yeah... thats the full story... I was going to tell my best friend but like I didn't want to admit that I liked him yet until this morning when that was the fist thing I thought of... damn I hate myself