Thoughts...

I snapped.

I did it...
The first time ever...
I cracked...
I broke down...
I had a mental breakdown...
At school...
In front of a teacher...
In the back of the band room...
And bathroom...
With just one thing that sent me over the edge...
Tears and sobs...
My eyes are bloodshot...
My face is red...
My throat is salty...
My nose is stuffed...
My thoughts are clouding my mind...
All day...
All day I had to be reminded of that moment...
Nothing will ever be the same...
When I hear nachos...
I remember...
When I'm in the room...
I remember...
When I see him...
I remember...
I don't want to remember...
Cause when I do I start to cry...
When I cry...
I don't want anyone to see me cry...
NO ONE!
But yet here I am sobbing in front of my math teacher in the back of the band room with everyone thinking I just got something in my eye
I then go to the bathroom and sob for the entire period because I could never bring myself to go back to class and see him plus everyone would be asking questions and I don't have good lies yet
I ended up on tell them I got a migraine and that's why I was gone and I just woke up so that's way my eyes are all jacked up and for the redness that because I didn't put on makeup
If people found out I cried after that class they would laugh and say I am a wimp and a crybaby
I don't like to feel vulnerable and weak or less than someone
That's what I feel like when I cry in front of people
I only had two people I cried in front of and that was my mom and my best friend and now I can add my math teacher to the list.
So the talk in the back of the band room...
He said that he was already mad at the class cause no one was paying attention and was talking
He just needed that little push to sent him over the edge
I was that push and I ended up ruining it for the while class
It was going to happen at one point
Ether be me or someone else but I ended up blurting out a stupid line that haunts me til this day
"It's Nacho Day!"
He then steps back from the board closes marker and says I am done and then proceeds to go to his desk
The whole class erupts into anger
Hating me now for not having them learn what we all have been wondering
I screwed it up
He was all apologizing in the back of the band room but I knew he had nothing to be sorry about
He felt bad cause he made me cry
See look what I've done
He now pitys me and probably going to say something in class tomorrow
I just don't want to cause attention to me anymore
Even after school I thought everything would be different
But hell news like this spreads like wild fire
I walk into the bathroom to change and use bathroom and the girl is like didn't you make a joke about nachos in math class and everyone hates you
I just left with tears dwelling
Go back to the lock room to change instead
Everything just hit me so quickly
Everything about...
Highschool... I didn't try to get into
Harvard... I won't make it at this rate
Math class... I am a fool and cried in front of him
Friends... Am I going to tell them what happened
Everything just came crashing.
I just need a hug.
I need some happiness.
I need a do over.
I want to forget the day forever.
I don't want to go back.
But I have to...
The worse the thing to do is to not go back cause then people will really be talking then.
I don't want that to happen.
So I got to face the music.
I'll be bullied but I can't defend myself because I did wrong so I deserve to be punished
I am not ready.