supernatural one-shots [requests closed] UNDER EDITING

sam winchester || sober

|| not edited

Hey, guys! If you read my other books, then you know that I'm doing a song challenge. I put my playlist on shuffle and I used the first nine songs that played (I'm doing three per person.) I hope you like it ;D

"(Y/N)?"

Your eyes widen at Sam's voice. This is not good. You turn around slowly, demon blood lining the corners of your mouth. Sam's eyes flicker to your mouth and his mouth twitches.

"No."

Feel it race
Going numb
Got me beating like a drum
What I say
When I spill
Maybe I should never talk

"How could you do this?" he demands, taking a few steps towards you and helping you up. "How could you do this when you saw what it did to me?" He pushes the demon's lifeless body away with his foot.

The look he gives you, full of remorse and disappointment, is heartbreaking. You want to tell him the truth: It made me feel good. Strong. But judging by his look, it doesn't matter what it felt like. It's wrong.

Stories end
People change
But I'm ripping like a page
I don't dream
I'm afraid
Seeing nightmares in the day

Over the next few months, you fight like hell to keep your promise to Sam. He was able to do it, so you were sure that you could fight the battle to sobriety. But now, you're not so sure. To be able to fight, you need to be strong. And you're not strong without the blood.

Every hunt is a tease. Did you always hunt this many demons? You can't even remember.

When you plunge the demon blade into their chest and help them sink to the floor, it seems so easy. You've done it a million times before. Pull the knife out, lick the blade. The ache fades. Sometimes, if that burning in the pit of your stomach didn't disappear, you would slit the demon's wrist and take the blood straight from there.

That's what you were doing the night Sam found you.

Say goodnight
I'm still lying awake by your side
And even though I know I shouldn't I'm
Feeding the monsters I'm afraid to fight

You lie next to Sam, trying to ignore the pounding in your head. The ache in your stomach is nauseating. The motel is so close to where Dean dumped the demon's body. It would be so easy.

No. You can't do this. You promised him.

You roll over on your side and watch the rise and fall of Sam's chest, which is in sync with the pulsating in your head. Do it for him, you tell yourself. Stay for him.

Leave every bottle
As empty
As my promises
Just like the last time
I swore I'd
Get sober for this
Told you I fought 'em
They tempt me
I'm begging to live
Hands on your shoulder
I told ya
I'd get sober for this

The throbbing in your head is too much. You can barely see.

The ache is too much. Your stomach clenches on itself with every breath you take.

You can't take it anymore. Wouldn't Sam be happy that you weren't in pain anymore?

You cast Sam a sad look and whisper, "I'm sorry" into the night.

And then you leave.

Wanna drink
Wanna smoke
Wanna feel it in my throat
Then I sink
Then I choke
And I realize that I don't

The next morning, you are awakened by Sam pressing a sweet kiss to your lips.

Can he taste the blood on your lips? Can he taste the lies that fall from them? The guilt that you can't help but exude?

But he is happy, and he keeps kissing you. He doesn't know. This should make you feel better, but it doesn't.

Unafraid
Feel it rise
Baby, you can bet I'm high
Then the pain
Let it ride
I been aching the whole time

You aim the pistol and fire. The ghost disappears. She appears to the left and you prepare to shoot, but instead, she shrieks and her body lights up in flames. Dean must've burned her bones.

Sam approaches you from the back and wraps his arms around your torso. It's been three months since you made your promise, and two since you broke it.

"What're you doing?" you ask with a smile.

"I'm happy," Sam answers, talking into your neck. "Today looks like a good day. You're strong."

You blush, thankful that he can't see the guilty look on your face. "Yeah, I guess so."

Say goodnight
I'm still lying awake by your side
And even though I know I shouldn't I'm
Feeding the monsters I'm afraid to fight

He pulls back and turns you around to face him. "I'm proud of you," he says. His eyes, showing green in this light, reflect his pride. The guilt makes your stomach twist into intricate knots. "I wasn't this strong. I think you'll make it out of this." And then he pulls you to him and kisses you deeply.

You try to kiss back, but there is a barrier between the two of you, and it's your lies.

Leave every bottle
As empty
As my promises
Just like the last time
I swore I'd
Get sober for this
Told you I fought 'em
They tempt me
I'm begging to live
Hands on your shoulder
I told ya
I'd get sober for this

Sam pulls back, a wide grin on his face. "Come on," he says, lacing his hand in yours. "Let's go meet up with Dean." He leads you to the parking lot, where you wait for the Impala. You tilt your head to the right and rest it against his shoulder. Sam cranes his head down and plants a kiss on top of your head.

The ache is back, but it's a different kind. It's an ache that sends chills running down your spine every time you try to take a breath. It's shame.

Say goodnight
I'm still lying awake by your side
And even though I know I shouldn't I'm
Feeding the monsters I'm afraid to fight

But shame is not enough to fight this battle.

Leave every bottle
As empty
As my promises
Just like the last time
I swore I'd
Get sober for this
Told you I fought 'em
They tempt me
I'm begging to live
Hands on your shoulder
I told ya
I'd get sober for this

You glance side to side, making sure that neither of the Winchesters are coming. Then you raise the demon blade to your mouth and lick the edge.