DO I LIKE YOU?

Thoughts

11:52 pm
Expectations
I have really high expectations on myself and other people. Its really frustrating and upsetting when my standards aren't met y'know? Like for example, most of the time I'd rather go solo doing assignments/ projects rather than having to work in a group because it takes a lot of interaction.
I feel like I'm never doing enough.

Anxiety
I'm not officially diagnosed by a doctor so i wouldn't say I have a disorder. I do feel like I have anxiety though. I'm really sorry if it triggers anyone if I've made a wrong description. Though, I feel that I've had it ever since I started schooling. I feel that it peaked during 6th Grade. During public speaking, my legs would be jelly-like, I felt like I couldn't stand my ground. I'd perspire loads. My throat felt super dry. I didn't like eye contact back then as well, I was super uncomfortable with it. Back then, I had difficulties making new friends, participating in class (even til today), being in parties. Me being socially anxious has decreased through the years as I can now handle it better. I still feel really anxious seeing people I know (but I am not close with) out in public. I don't like asking the employees in restaurants, clothing stores etc. for help because it terrifies me. Over the years, I have tried making the first move to interact with the other party. Public speaking is still a challenge for me but I'm learning how to fully overcome it. As for my anxiety, I don't think it'll ever go away but I have improved on dealing with it.

TIME - The Past
I am always reminiscing about the things that I THINK or HAVE done wrongly in the past. I know I can't change anything and it frustrates me so much. Maybe, I answered incorrectly to the teacher's question that one time in Music class. Maybe, I slipped in the canteen floor that one time. It still replays in my head from time to time. Fact; yes those things did happen. It still feels awkward and embarrassing. I know I need to let go of those unfortunate moments because no one probably cares or even remembers at this point - but i still do! :-(

The Future
Is the future bright for me? Will I make it? Who knows. The future scares me. However, it excites me too. I have goals for myself and maybe just maybe I'll achieve them then.

The Present
I am currently happy right now. Not overjoyed, but I'm satisfied with my current state. I am surrounded with a loving bunch of people. My family and friends are what I mostly rely on. I have started to really love how I've matured mentally and emotionally. Although yes, still a ton of work to be improved. LMAO I'm making it sound like I'm a robot.