DO I LIKE YOU?

i ruin you and i ruin myself

S.

it'll never be enough but - a thousand words to try and explain things

you're giving me the world and i keep knocking it over i cant even look you in the eyes too long because the eyes never lie and i can see how much you're trying i see how much hope and love you're feeling and it makes me happy to think that i am a reason or a source of your happiness but it makes me sad because im not looking at you the same way im too afraid to love i keep hurting you and in a way leading you on to disappointment and it pains me to answer your question regarding if you care more/love the person more than well me/any other person but i think, yes and man you deserve the same amount of love you keep giving i know you're not perfect but you are way too good (for me) and i can only hope that one day you shall find a person worthy of your love i want to tell my mom, my dad, my friends about you but i know i truly cant be free yet i dont even know if im ready or if i ever will be im sorry if these are all just starting to sound like excuses and maybe they are i dont know either im not putting up a fight to save this i hate that im not putting in effort when i know its worth saving but im so messed up i cant even admit to myself that maybe just maybe i've started gaining feelings too just slightly but im way too realistic and i just can't right now commitment is still out of the picture im terrified of my parents, of my own feelings because it changes just like the weather and its so unpredictable my mood is never constant my emotions are all over the place im constantly contradicting my own words and actions which is so tiring we both know this wouldnt last but we both want it to last the only difference is that you're willing to try to make it work whereas, im not which is so screwed up i wish i could and i should start trying but god its so hard i dont want to prevent you from getting what you deserve because its not me and you're already probably so upset with yourself and you shouldnt because these are all just my views and since they mean a lot to you this whole thing probably broke you again in unimaginable ways and im so so so sorry and im sorry for saying sorry almost always you told me you dont want me apologizing but i keep doing this and i keep feeling bad and in return you feel worse you said you're willing to get your heart broken by me and the chances are so high that i will (probably already am) i said it might be a case of bad timing and you told me that maybe there is no such thing as right timing and maybe thats true honestly you're more than enough you're a wonderful person and i hope that you wont come out of this completely damaged and that you'd still be willing to try loving someone else and i know that you can so please know that you can leave me and i guess yeah in a way, im urging you to because its for the best i do want you to know that i appreciate everything that you've done for me and what we have right now is real although its so messy and confusing i really do like you and i do think of you a lot however, in terms of love, its a bit of a blur but i don't think i love you (yet?) all of this is new and foreign to me so i really cant give you a certain answer on that thank you so much for being patient with me and for asking how i am when you're literally the one hurting the most even though i know that this wont last or work out as you and i hope(d) it would, i now believe that young love is in fact real, raw and very precious thank you for letting me feel warm, for trying, for everything really thank you for letting me experience this, having this rare connection with somebody proves that soulmates do exist and although it may not work out it happened, we happened/are happening even after we end, i'll speak of you nicely you'll be etched/imprinted on/in my heart/mind i'll hear your name differently now and then on, i'll continue to write about you directly/indirectly because you've made an impact in my life we may/may not end badly but the memories we've made will be good, the goodbye will be bittersweet but then i'll know that you'll no longer be confused and perhaps we'll meet again in the near future or probably in another life (if there is) and who knows what'll happen even then i'd like to think that we'd still remain friends after all that's happened but that would be asking for too much so as much as i'd like to ask for friendship i know it'll be hard for you if we still talked and pretended we were back to square one so we will probably stop communicating but im still open to the idea all i hope is by then you're happier, you've accepted who you are and found the happiness within yourself (not in other people) i hope that you'll continue being nice and kind to the people who deserve it and i hope this doesnt sound selfish but please stick around!!! the world needs more people like you, loverboy

thank you forever and always
for treating me right

from my heart to yours,
your moonlight lover