DO I LIKE YOU?

what's wrong with me?

its one of those days where i feel so dull and so detached from everything and everyone and i cant do anything about it like i want to talk to people but at the same time i cant

i dont want anyone to feel like they have to help me because it makes me feel needy so in the end everyone feels bad i dont want my friends and family to deal with how moody i am because when they ask whats wrong i cant even answer straight up because even i dont know what the fuckin problem is

i cant help out in the house i cant seem to do any work because i am so deep into feeling this way do you know how selfish that is

i dont like feeling this way but somehow it visits me every week i am so sick of this and it frustrates me because i cant describe it i know its not depression because i dont feel like drowning its more of just floating by the ocean for days on end

i cant seem to do anything its sheer laziness and unproductivity isnt it god i hope so

i want to cry i really do maybe thats why im so into movies that make you cry maybe thats really the only way i get to express my emotions

maybe i give tough love to other people because i want to be real okay but what the actual fuck even is real what i aspire to be is to be normal what on earth is normal

I NEED TO WAKE THE HECK UP

why cant i just have a day where i am not anxious where i am not bored where i am not angsty where i am contented

honestly i feel worse when i think about how other people are suffering more than i am and here i am sulking about whatever this is like somehow it makes me feel guilty i mean i have everything i need why do i still feel this way god i always say your feelings are valid but why cant i accept my own goddamn feelings

is the stress getting to me but this is just the beginning toughen up youre not the only one facing this shitstorm why are you so easily swayed by your emotional state

i would like to think that this is because i am simply just a teenager with raging hormones which is why i am all messed up hopefully it is and i will grow out of this because it annoys the heck out of everybody i am sorry why are you even saying sorry

and its so confusing because there are days when i am so full of life and i just want to smile all day long how i wish i didnt have these episodes and how i wish my mood is always balanced but it never is

i know life has so much to offer and it is so beautiful so why am i being so dramatic over the unknown we all know very well that knowing too much isnt such a good thing either

i wish i could say everything but thats the thing i cant seem to do that i know no one can help me but me but what am i doing exactly am i destroying myself little by little

will i always feel this way

i exist i exist i exist
so do you

and the million dollar question ;
what for?