How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

Talking

I was in trouble. I just wasn't sure of the reason. Sitting down, I fiddled with the hems on my shirt.
Both my mum and Liz had a worried look on their face. Of course I'd seen that look on my mum, but Liz looking at me like that was almost too much to handle. This was serious since Liz had to be here too.
Feeling almost paralysed by fear, I said, "Go ahead." That was all I could manage to say at the time. 
"We, especially me, want to talk about Luke," Liz started, "I'm worried about him. He came back to the hotel a little while ago and he didn't want to talk to anyone, or do anything. Now, I know my son isn't the easiest to deal with at times and he isn't a fan of expressing his feelings. But I could see he was upset since we went to the museum yesterday, and I think you can tell me why. Can't you?"

Lying would be prefferable for me, but I just knew Liz would see right through that. So I told her the truth. That it had to do with me. 
"With you? Why? I thought the two of you were getting along." my mum asked and I couldn't bear to look at them, so I stared at the ground.

"Well, we did... for a while. As you probably know, he likes me. At least he told me he does, but I don't know what to believe anymore. But, as you know, I hated him at first," I shakingly managed to say, "Then I didn't, and I actually thought I liked him too. However, at Madame Tussauds, and I feel bad for telling you this," I felt like I was betraying him, but I just couldn't keep it to myself anymore, "When I went to look for him, I caught him in a... heated make out session with some random girl. And we fought about that because he really hurt me. Then I met Damian the night I ran away from the hotel, and he has been nothing but nice to me. Luke doesn't like the fact that I'm hanging out with him, He thinks I'm trying to make him jealous, but I'm not, really. And I think Luke wants to make it up to me, but I don't want him to since I'm still mad and hurt and-"

"Okay, thank you for telling me," Liz interrupted me, probably getting tired of me rambling, "Do you know how I can help him?"
I shook my head. "I don't think you can. I think it's just better for me to stay away from him." 
I quickly walked up to the stairs, tears now threatening to spill. But I didn't want to cry. The only thing I wanted to do was lie down and let my thoughts consume me. 
However, when I opened the door I heard that Luke was crying in the room next door. He was crying so loud that it sounded like howling. 
Maybe it wasn't a good idea to go check on him - I wasn't the right person to do that - but I should. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn't let him hurt himself. 
I quietly opened the door with the room key he had given me earlier and walked in. 
Luke was sitting on the bed, punching the pillows. Tears were streaming down his face and he was making a sound like he was choking on his own tears. 
Never had I seen him like this and it broke my heart. I wasn't used to seeing him so vunerable and I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
Eventually I awkwardly settled on saying, 'Hey', which made Luke notice me. 
"What are you doing here?" he asked, quickly wiping his eyes with his sleeve. 
"I'm sorry," I said, "I'll go away if you want me to. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Well, I'm not! Go away! Go fuck yourself!" he yelled so loud that it made me jump.
He really, really wanted me to go.
"Luke..."
"I SAID GO!" He screamed so loud, which made me jump and run out of the room. 
After slamming the door behind me, I sank down on to the carpet. 
Him yelling at me like that was a whole new experience for me, and that was a sign I had messed up big time. 
But I wanted him to listen to me. If he didn't want to hear it, then he had to read it.
Grabbing my notebook out of the room I began to write. 

Luke,

I'm so sorry for hurting you, and I'm sorry for not being the mature one in this situation. To be honest, I feel like we both can't be the bigger person in this mess we created. However, I don't know if I ever can get over this. You really hurt me, almost to the point where we are back to where we began. You now hate me as much as I once hated you, and you have every right to.
Just know that I don't want you to hurt yourself, please. 
Never once did I want to get back at you by  hanging out with Damian, believe me.
Don't blame yourself for that. Even though I was mad, I don't believe I ever stopped falling for you.
If we ever can, I want to make it right and talk it out. It's not going to be easy to fix this, I know that. Just give us a chance. It doesn't have to be now, but I hope we can work this out one time.
All the love, Jessy.