How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

Piercing

After keeping our distance, Luke and I had decided that after two weeks, we couldn't do without each other. I tried to keep myself busy by helping him as much as possible, which he appreciated. He still got sick sometimes and of course his mental health still wasn't what it was supposed to be. Although he tried to denied that: his cool-guy-thing was still something he wanted to keep up. Nobody except me, Sam, his family and his friends knew why Luke hadn't been at school much the last weeks. He went sometimes, but when he wasn't at school, people just assumed that he was recording music or just skipping school. After all, he was no stranger to skipping school, and since the band was on the rise, all four of Five Seconds of Summer were absent sometimes. 
Due to the tour and everything what had happened after that, he had gotten behind in school. Helping him catch up was my self-assigned job. I also let him talk to me whenever he wanted to, even though he wanted to talk about everything but mental health.
Not wanting to think about my own problems - although Luke was a huge part of them - I tried to help him forget about his a little. 

Today was just a normal day: Luke was sitting at a table with Michael, Ashton and Calum, and I was busy listening to Mila's stories. She and Toby had recently began dating, which made me happy. But it was difficult, because with Toby, along came Sam.
Sam... Sam did what he told me he would do. He ignored and avoided me, but sometimes, I caught him looking at me and saw the pain in his eyes. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. I had put him and myself in an uncomfortable position. Getting back with Luke was off the table for now, and I didn't know if that would ever happen again, but still, it was awkward. Or course, I cared about Luke a lot, but my trust had been broken so much. Besides, Luke wasn't in the position to date anyone right now. His mental health was far from good. He first had to get his life in order, and so did I. And I didn't know how to do that.
As for Sam, I missed him. I missed my friend, who had been supportive of me and cared for me. However, we clearly had to figure stuff out on our own, as he had said.

"Jessy? Hey are you okay?" 
I looked up to find Mila looking at me with a concerned look.
"Yeah I'm okay, just need some fresh air I guess." I answered and took my bag with me.
I found a silent place outside and lit a cigarette. It had really become an addiction, but another way to relax wasn't possible at the moment. It was bad for my health, and against everything I ever wanted, but I couldn't help myself. I had become that person that helped everyone, but didn't know how to help herself. And I hated it. I even hated myself for hating it. The smoke blew away with the wind and I inhaled again. Another after that, and another.

"Where were you? You've been going for fresh air a lot lately, you never want anyone to come with you, but you've never been outside for so long. I'm beginning to think you're smoking." my friend berated me when I sat down in front ofher. 
"No, you know I wouldn't do that. I just... I didn't want to go back inside until I felt better."
With the help of deodorant I'd somewhat helped the stench of the smoke, and I made sure to always have gum on hand. Maybe she wouldn't believe me, but Mila usually didn't ask much questions, and I was glad for that.
I hated lying to her, but she just shrugged and focussed on her books. 

***
"Hey Jess." Luke opened his door and let me in before walking over to the kitchen. A little later he came back with his cup of coffee, and my cup of tea. 
Even though my trust issues were still there, his seemed to be completely gone. 
"So, when do you have your next therapy session?" I tried, even if I was sure he wouldn't answer. He was still strictly monitored and he had to attend therapy two times a week. 
To my surprise, he answered, "Next Monday. I absolutely hate that man. He acts all nice, but in reality he just does that so he gets paid. You know, he wants me to go visit Caroline. What kind of stupid idea is that?"
Even though I agreed with his therapist at most levels, I had to agree with Luke on this. That indeed would not work out well for the both of them. As far as I was concerned, Caroline wasn't doing any better since the last time I saw her. To this day she was still as heartbroken. I was still visiting Louis every now and then, but I didn't see much of Caroline. Sometimes Louis would give me brief updates, but due to patient confidentiality, he didn't know much either. 

We hung out at Luke's house for a while and it was already dark outside when we went to the park. We both didn't want to stay inside, and the park had become the place to be when we weren't up for going home.
"I wanna get a lip piercing," Luke told me out of the blue when we sat down, "I think it would be really cool. My life is already fucked up, so why not ruin my body?"
"What?" I gasped and looked at him in suprise. I didn't know if it would be a good idea. 
"Okay," he grinned, "Maybe not the best reason to do it, but I'm already bad according to my parents. They are way too worried. Yesterday they asked me if I was doing drugs!"
This went too far, but it was understandable that his parents worried. He was wearing worn out ripped jeans and a shirt that said 'fuck life'. His hair was messier than usual and he was looking worn out. Even though he didn't want to admit it, he had seen better days. The stylish, vain guy I used to know, who would spend too much time in front of a mirror, seemed to be completely gone. 

However, his parents were worrying too much. Luke had told me that he felt like he was suffocating. Liz would often come up to me at school, asking me how Luke was really doing. Was he hanging out with the right people, was he not harming himself, was he attending class? Don't get me wrong, I loved Liz, but Luke would indeed do everything she didn't want him to if she went further in protecting her son. Just like I was disappointing my parents. I had been mad at them, and honestly the whole world, lately, and I definitely wasn't planning on letting them know about the smoking. Luke was the only one who knew and the only one that didn't mind.
Just as I thought about that, Luke's phone went off.

"Mum what do you want." he said in a very annoyed manner. 
"Where are you? You're not supposed to leave without telling where you are going! Who are you with and come home right now!" Liz yelled through the phone and Luke and I sighed in sync. 
"Mum, I'm just with Jessy, eating ice cream. Chill, you wanted me to go out with friends more and now I'm doing just that, so don't complain." he angrily ended the call. 

"Let's go get that piercing right now and then get some ice cream, shall we." Luke winked at me and I nodded in approval. On the walk to the piercing parlor I wondered if I should get a piercing too. Not somewhere visible, that was for sure. To be honest, I had always wanted a belly button piercing, but my parents were really against tattoos and piercings. That my mum had had one when she was younger didn't matter, apparently. She used to have a really ugly tattoo on her ankle, but she had it lasered away. Since then, she had always said that piercings and tattoos were always regrettable. However, I was not my mum, and besides, a piercing I could take out when I got sick of it.
When we walked in, Luke acted like he had done this before. I admired that in him: he seemed so cool about everything and never let anyone know he was afraid. Now I knew better, but I wished I could act so cool every now and then.
I, instead, was shaking.
"This piercing will look so good on you." Luke grinned when he sat down on the chair to let himself get pierced. He winked at me and I blushed. 
We both had changed a lot in the past months: half a year I wouldn't even think about piercings, but now I was seriously doing this...
So I told the piercer what I wanted, picked a piercing and lay down next to Luke. Luke went first and when he was done, he held my hand. I let out a groan when the needle pierced my skin, but was happy with the result.
"Maybe a bottle of alcohol would be better than ice cream." Luke grinned and I agreed. 

"We're all our parents didn't want right now." he grimaced and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. That surprised me, because we had agreed to not touch each other anymore. However, I liked it. It felt familiar. The skin on my stomach was sore, though. After all, a needle had just gone through it.
"I don't care." I countered, and Luke walked into the supermarket. He was known for getting alcohol for firends; he just didn't look under eighteen. And a little later, he came back with a bottle of vodka. 
"How'd you do that?" I still wondered when he took off the cap. 
He grinned and just shrugged, "Apparently I don't look like I'm under eighteen."
Luke's birthday was just two months away, and if I didn't know him, I'd also think he was older than eighteen. I grabbed the bottle, but just as I took another sip, we heard someone approach us.

"Fuck. Police."