How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

Luke P.O.V. 2

Luke pov

What? No, this wasn't possible!

My heart started to beat too fast for its own good, but I blinked and forced myself to look. I forced myself to look at the two teenagers that were locking lips with each other. This was it. This was the final sign that showed that I had messed up for good. And I couldn't bear to see him and Jessy being intimate. I blinked another time and walked home, my steps light so that Sam and Jessy didn't see me.

I fell down on my bed and tried so hard not to cry, but of course I failed. "Stop crying, stop crying..." I kept repeating, but of course it didn't work. The tears streamed down my face. They made me feel weak. I felt so weak!

Luke Hemmings, the untouchable guy, was slowly breaking down. Pieces of my wall were breaking down, but nobody could see it. Nobody could know about the pain I felt, and nobody could know about how I was slowly pushing myself over the edge. My breaking point was almost reached, and I didn't know what to do anymore.

What would she do if she heard that I wasn't alive anymore?
Would she cry? Would she attend my funeral? 

Maybe she wouldn't even care. She acted like she didn't care about me, so why would she care about me then? I was absolutely sure nobody cared. 
That thought running through my mind was what pushed me over the edge. 
I picked up a piece of paper and began to write. The words just started to flow like my tears. Before they could fall onto the paper I swiped them away, because that would only make matters worse. 

I'm so sorry, but I can't take it anymore. I lost the girl I love with all my heart and now I am losing myself. I am going down the rabbit hole and I can't pull myself out. I may seem like a strong person, but truth is: I am not. Not at the moment. Take care of yourself. I love you more than I ever have shown. 
Luke. 

I took another piece of paper, adressing it to her.

Jessy, I hope you care. If you don't, I get it too. What I did was so wrong and I know there's nothing left I can do to make it right. I wish you all the best with Sam and I hope he takes care of you. That he treats you better than I did. You deserve that. You are amazing and please, don't ever let anyone hurt you like I did. 
Luke.

I walked over to the bottle of pills I had thrown across the room and picked it up. I then walked over to grab a glass of water and sat down on my bed, laying down the letters on my nightstand. I emptied the bottle of pills and downed them with the water. No more hurting, no more having to face a hurt Jessy. Just a whole bunch of... nothing. That sounded good to me. 

I didn't know what I was supposed to think as I drifted off, but the last thing that ran through my mind was 'Good night world.'