How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

My decisions

"Sam, shut up! I can decide what I do, who I talk to, whenever I want to! It's my business and you're not my boyfriend, so stop acting like you are!" I hissed and stormed out of the canteen. Making a scene was not my intention, so I had to hold myself back before I yelled at him. He had seen me with Luke, and understandingly, he was mad about it. I had not liked talking to Luke either, but it was my decision to make. Sam may not have liked it, but still, he had nothing to say about it.

I walked into English class and placed my bag on the seat beside me, pretending to read. I was the first to arrive and hoped to avoid Sam sitting beside me. 
After the second bell rang I noticed that someone stood next to me. Of course it was Sam and I didn't take my bag away. I kept reading to make it seem like I really hadn't seen him. He sighed, "Jess, I'm sorry. I'm just worried about you."
I sighed back, rolled my eyes, and didn't pay attention to him anymore. It was childish, but it was the only way I could deal with him right now. I also hoped he would drop the topic.

But while I was busy taking notes, Sam dropped a piece of paper on my table.
"We'll talk about this later. Whether you like it or not."

I did not want to talk to him, but since the whole Luke thing he had become one of my best friends. I had confided in him, and blowing up in his face hadn't been fair. He trusted me, and I trusted him. Kind of: Luke had betrayed my trust so much that I didn't fully trust anyone anymore. That was sad, because I knew that Sam meant it well. Nonetheless, I wasn't going to let someone decide about my life, because I was tired of dedicating everything to one person.

Walking out of school, I tried to avoid Sam. But when I was about to walk home, his motorcycle pulled up beside me. Sam reached out, grabbing my arm. "Jessy."
But I yanked myself out of his grip and tried to walk further. Yet, he blocked my way by placing the motorcycle in front of me. He stepped off and lifted me up, putting me on the back of the motorcycle. Before I could step off he had already started driving. He stopped at my house and I stepped off, sitting down at the steps in front of my house. Nobody was home, so I could safely lit a cigarette. I pulled one out of the box, but just when I was about to light it, Sam slapped it out of my hand. I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Like I said-,"
"I know what you said," he interrupted me, "But I've gotten to know you and I like you and I care about you. I don't want to see you unhappy and doing, well that." He pointed at the unlit cigarette on the ground. "And why? I mean, you don't need it, and you're hiding things from me. I know it."
I shook my head. "No, I'm not. I just, I don't want you to be worried. And to be honest, there's no need for you to worry. I can solve everything on my own and I want to decide about my own life."
Sam nodded. "I'm sure you're able to make the right choices, but not at the moment, because you're hurting."
He was right, but I wasn't going to admit that to him. So I yelled at him that he was wrong and stood up, trying to open the door to my house. But Sam pushed me against the still closed door. It hurt  and that was what I told him, because I knew he would then let me go.
I quickly slammed the door behind me, blocking Sam from following me. I fell down on my bed and stared at the ceiling, feeling numb.
My life was not going well at the moment. Standing next to Luke had been confronting for both of us, and very awkward. I wasn't sure anymore if I really wanted to keep the distance we had at the moment. I missed him, but on the other hand, we both knew it wasn't possible to fix things anytime soon. And the fight with Sam... it hadn't been fair. He meant a lot to me and I didn't want to lose him too. Therefore I grabbed my phone and sent him a text.  To: Sam - Sorry Sam, I don't know what is wrong with me and I'm sorry for fighting with you. xxx

His response came a little later. He said that he understood my feelings somehow, and therefore I invited him over for dinner. Fixing things had to be done as soon as possible, so there was little time to waste.
During dinner my mum fired questions at him. It was so obvious that she liked the fact that I was hanging out with him.
After we had finished dinner we took my dog for a walk. I was glad Sam agreed to come with me; I wanted to tell him what was on my mind. When we arrived at the park Sam only raised an eyebrow when I lit a cigarette. Luckily he didn't say anything about it and I decided to apologize for my behavior today.
"Sorry about today. I was just stressed out because as you know, I had just encountered Luke outside and it made me think. Really, it's sweet that you worry about me, but there's no need to. I can save myself. I always have."
He just nodded in response. "One more thing though, I want to taste this."
He then took the cigarette from my hand and inhaled. He then started coughing and gave it back to me. "I forgot how bad it tasted." he stammered.
Following that, he did something we had done before, but never saw coming. 

He kissed me.