How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

Luke P.O.V.

Luke P.O.V.

She had slipped away from me. I saw her everywhere; talking to Sam in the hallway, even in the streets. I saw her having fun without me, and it was all my fault. She genuinely looked happy. I let her slip away and there was nothing I could do without it.

Why did I even cheat on her? Had I really been that dumb? Why did I treat her like that in the first place? It was all like eleven years ago. Suddenly I was the cocky little kid again, who had made it his life mission to piss her off. 
I was supposed to learn from all that happened with Caroline!

And now I saw the girl I loved with my whole heart with another guy. My enemy. And if that wasn't enough, he and I were on the same team. He didn't even look at me and I knew that he would like to bash my head in with his stick. He hated me even more than before. Not that I couldn't handle that. I was fine with him hating me. What was too much for me to handle, was the fact that Jessy looked at me with a disgusted look on her face. In the time I had known her, she had displayed every emotion in the book, from apathy to happiness to sadness. But never disgust. And that hurt. What it made it even harder for me was the fact that I couldn't talk to her. She had shut me out.

I looked at my phone many times throughout the day, checking if she maybe had texted me. Of course not. Not a single text, not a single call from her. She didn't even bother to reach out to me, which was understandable. Nevertheless, it was hard for me. I just kept staring at my phone, but I still almost jumped when it buzzed. But it wasn't a call from Jessy, it was a call from Michael. I took a sip of water to cover that I had been crying. I cried a lot lately and I couldn't help it. And I hated it.

"Hey." I unlocked my phone and noticed that despite my efforts, my voice was hoarse. It always was when I had been crying.
"Hey mate," Michael said, "How are you doing? I heard about what happened. You know, with Jessy."
No one had known about me cheating on her, so I had only explained the situation to Michael when we got back from tour. Even with us being together almost 24/7, I managed to hide it. Being the observant person he was, he had of course noticed something was going on, but he had never confronted me about it. 
Unfortunately now he knew about it he felt like he had to check on me regularly. 

"I'm fine." I said, even though I knew he wasn't going to believe me.
"You sure? You sound like you've been crying."
"No, it's just the rain I guess," I made up a bullshit excuse, "What do you think? I don't cry. That's not cool, dude."
"Dude, it's not raining. We're in fucking Sydney. It hasn't been raining in what, three months?"
Told you he wouldn't believe me.
"Shut up, I have not been crying. Douchebag." I groaned and quickly hung up. I then lay down on my bed and stared at the ceiling for a long time.

the next day

"Jesus, can't you at least act a little happier? If you don't want anyone asking questions you really should, and you're getting annoying." Michael said and at that moment something snapped inside of me. 

"I can't! Fuck off!" I yelled and I saw the whole cafetaria look at me in shock. Of course they were looking at me; I never yelled at Michael. He and I had been on good terms for a long while, and he really was my best friend. Everyone stared at me. Including Jessy. I looked at her for a moment and she stared back, only to look away again after seconds. She was sitting next to Sam and continued having the conversation they were having. That resembled me of how I felt. For me, the world stood still, but for her, life had already gone on. 

They were laughing and smiling and that hurt. For the last days I had been crying myself to sleep every night, and every night it took a sleeping pill or two to put me to sleep. Every night I added two to the dosis, because another way to sleep wasn't possible. It was dangerous, but I didn't care anymore. But all the pills made it harder to get out of bed every morning and day by day the struggle was getting harder. 

I stood up. "I'll be right back." I walked outside, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of my pocket. Lighting one of them I inhaled deeply. Smoking really helped me relax a little. Nobody could know about it. Nobody could know about my pain. To the world I was untouchable, unbreakable. Me and the band had been in the media a lot lately, talking about how we were the hottest upcoming band of the moment. I hated it, but I couldn't ruin that by being emotional. But not being able to express myself was hard. So instead, I had written the most depressing lyrics on my own, never planning on showing them to the world.
When I reluctantly pulled myself out of my thoughts, I saw someone stand next to me. It was Jessy.
"What are you doing." she stated more than asked, with a disgusted look on her face.
"Nothing." I said and quickly threw my cigarette away.
"Don't worry," she then said, "You're not the only one."
I looked down and saw that she was holding a cigarette in her right hand too. She inhaled and despite being a little shocked I managed to say, "Do you want me to go?"
To my surprise she shook her head and I just kept leaning against the wall. It was awkward, standing next to her but not being able to touch her. I also didn't know what to say or what to do.

"Sorry, I'll just leave." She said when she finished smoking and we both walked back inside. We both went our separate ways again and I sat down at my table. After apologizing to Michael I looked over to the table where Jessy was sitting. I saw that Sam was looking at her with an angry look on his face and he started talking to her.  I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he obviously was pissing Jessy off. 

I wondered why that was...

** Author's note: The song is Breakup in A Small Town by Sam Hunt! I chose the song because of the comment under this chapter and I feel like it's perfect for Luke's situation right now **