How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

Caroline

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock blaring, and I hit it, making it stop. Today I hated that stupid thing more than ever. Today I hated that stupid thing more than ever. It was Wednesday, which meant that I was going to visit Caroline. 
That was the reason of the weird feelings and the thoughts running over and over in my head. 
On top of that had the last phone call with Luke left me feeling blue. That girl's voice felt like a punch in the gut. He again wasn't answering my calls, which had caused me sleepless nights. 

How would Sam feel about me and Caroline meeting? How would Caroline react if she saw me? What if she found out that I'm Luke's girlfriend anyway? And most importantly: How was I going to deal with it?

All those thoughts made it impossible to put a smile on my face. So I told my mum about my concerns. Not about Luke though, that was something I had to deal with on my own. If she found out about that, she would be so mad. Surely she would tell Liz and then Luke would be in big trouble. I was pissed off at first, but now I was just really worried. Besides, maybe it was nothing. 

"It's going to be okay," my mum said about the Caroline-thing, "You'll be fine. Sam is there to help you, remember? You probably mean a lot to him if he agreed to let you come along."
I knew she was right. At least I wanted her to be...

After not being able to focus on school, I went home. Now it was time to wait for Sam. He had hockey practise after school and would pick me up in an hour. And man, that hour was nerve wrecking. I kept asking myself the same questions over and over again.
Just when I thought I had lost my sanity, the doorbell finally rang. My mother opened the door and I heard Sam talking to her. I forced my wobbly legs over to the corridor and grabbed my jacket. 
"Hey," he said, and I forced myself to smile. He also seemed a bit nervous, which was weird. Maybe it was because we were visiting his sister together. After all, this wasn't something he was used to. He had told me that: he was used to going by himself or with his parents. 

"You're nervous, aren't you?" he asked and I awkwardly grinned. "You have no idea."
Sam put a hand on my arm and gave me a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine."
I closed the door behind me and Sam handed me a helmet. 
"It's a half our drive. It's in a very peaceful landscape just outside the city."
I sat down behind him and held on to his waist. The risk of falling outweighed the fact of not wanting to give off the wrong signals.
Thanks to last time, I already knew how to swerve as he turned the corners. Luckily the drive after that was calm, but that didn't take my nerves away. They actually got worse every minute, and that were a long thirty minutes. When we finally arrived I was glad that Sam helped me get off the motorcycle, or else my knees would've buckled. 

The building was in the middle of nowhere and it was beautiful. There was a big garden in front of the building and people were sitting on benches by the fountain. If it wasn't for the fact that everyone seemed miserable in some way, I'd think it was a castle. 
Sam pressed the buzzer and told someone our names, after which the big gate opened. I didn't have the courage to say anything, but it was clear that Sam came her very often. 

"Hey Sammy, who's your girlfriend?" Someone asked and that made Sam have a smug grin on his face. 
"Hey, how are you? This is Jessy, but she's not my girlfriend." 
Not in the mood to defense myself, I was glad that he made it clear that we weren't together. His behavior had really changed; only last week he would've said something else, I'm sure. 
"I assume my sister is where she usually is?" Sam asked and pulled me inside, opening the heavy-looking door with one hand. The inside of the building was as beautiful as the outside, if it weren't for the nurses walking around. Even though it looked quite sterile, it gave of a homely vibe. It felt strange to be in here. Sam seemed to very comfortable, but I was everything but. He seemed to notice that and he put an arm around me. Even though I usually didn't want him to, it actually felt nice to have him comfort me.

"It's okay, I'm going to talk to Caroline's nurse and then we'll go upstairs to visit her." 
We walked over to Nina, who apparently was Caroline's nurse, and she told us to go ahead. Sam was still holding me, which was probably for the best. 
We stopped in front of a door which said Caroline and Lauren. 
"Lauren is downstairs in the living room, so it's just the three of us." Sam explained, finally letting go his grip on me. He gestured for me to stay outside while he talked. 

"Hey Caro," I heard him say softly, "I brought Jessy with me today, I told you before. Is that still okay?"
After a short, hushed conversation the door opened, indicating that it was okay for me to step in. I slowly walked in and saw a girl sitting on the couch. The resemblance between her and Sam was striking: they had the same hair color, the same eye color, the same bone structure. Caroline was like a female version of Sam, and she too was very good-looking. 
"Hello," I said and gave her a small wave because I had no clue about what to do, "I'm Jessy." 
She nodded, barely looking me in the eye. 
"Sit down." she said and I sat down next to Sam. I didn't say anything and she just stared at me. The combination of silence and staring weirded me out, but I didn't dare break the silence. 
After what seemed like an hour of silence, she finally spoke. Not to me, but to her brother. 
"Why is she so pretty?"
Sam rolled his eyes at his sister, "Girls... I'll never understand them."
Unexpectedly she laughed, and at that moment I could relax a little. She wasn't hostile, which was nice. Just a little awkward and like she was somewhere else with her thoughts. 
"So, how's everything?" Sam asked, but Caroline ignored his question and looked at me instead. It was no longer uncomfortable. Instead, she now had a soft and playful look in her eyes. 

"Do you think my brother is stupid?" she asked me, which made me chuckle. 
"Ehm..."
"Yes, yes you do." She grinned and looked at her brother, who smacked his forehead. He seemed to be irritated, and I didn't really know why.
"Caroline, please. I asked you a question."
"Oh... yeah I'm doing good I guess. Not much different. Just want to get out of this hellhole."
My judgement wasn't very good, but at this moment I could sense that he was annoyed by the fact that she hadn't answered his question immediately. 
"I know that, but it isn't a complete hellhole. They just want to help you. Don't you think you'd get bad again if they let you go home right now? I mean-"
"Could I get worse? Look at me. I'm not just bad, I'm depressed. All because of..."

Jack had warned me for this; her mind always wandered back to Luke. Now was the time to get careful. 
At that moment my phone went off: I had forgotten to change it to silent. I ignored the call, but Caroline couldn't help to be curious about the call. 
"Who was that?"

And I did the stupidest thing I could ever do in this situation, but before I could realise the words fell out of my mouth. 

I told her the truth.