How I hate him - ft. Luke Hemmings and 5sos

The other side

"Jack!"
Welcomed by his strong arms around me, I grinned while he lifted me up. That habit had not left him since we had last seen each other. I often made fun of him always showing how strong he was, but enjoyed his hugs nonetheless.
"Well I know that you're tall, you can put me down now."
With Jack being seven years older than me - he was now twenty-three- he felt like the big brother I had never had. No matter how far away he was, I was always happy to talk to him. He was just so easy-going, which helped me calm down. 
Unlike Luke, he had been friendly to me from the start. Actually, I had never seen him not be nice to anyone. 
Now that I got to take a look at him, I noticed how different he looked. He had grown a beard and he had definitely been working out more. He reminded me so much of Luke: the two of them resembled each other and they had been close. But that changed a while ago, and since this afternoon I understood why. 
Since then, the two of them were tense around each other. Jack treated Luke more like a faint acquaintance than a brother now. Clearly they had not been able to deal with things properly. 

Jack sat down next to me and said, "So, you and my little brother? I had never expected that. Here was me thinking you hated each other."
"I know," I smiled, "I'd never expected it too. And how's Celeste?" I changed topic, because I wanted to delay talking about Luke a little more. He wasn't exactly my favorite person to talk about. Besides, I hadn't seen him in a long time, so I needed to hear all about his life.
"The same," Jack smiled, "I'm still together with the love of my life." 
Jack and his girlfriend Celeste had been together for as long as I could remember. In that way Luke and his older brother were nothing alike. Jack had always been loyal and I could see him get married in the near future. Luke was nothing like that, I could not imagine him being ready for that kind of commitment. Even more, was commitment really meant for me and Luke? Right now, I didn't know. 

"Jessy?"

"Huh?" I was snapped out of my thoughts. 
"What were you thinking about? You were smiling like an idiot." Jack poked me and I grinned. 
"Oh, just thinking about how you and Luke are nothing alike. You're so different dealing with commitment and things like that."
Jack frowned, "Speaking about commitment, how are you and Luke doing? I mean, with the distance and everything."
That reminded me of the story that Toby told me about earlier today...

"Can I ask you something?" I asked him, at which he nodded. Of course he did, he couldn't be weirded out about anything. Surely he already knew about this, and if I didn't ask him now, I never would. I grabbed his arm, pulling him up from the couch and into the hallway. 
I closed the door behind me, making sure nobody could hear us. I sighed and sat down on the stairs. 
"Well, you know Caroline, right?" 
Jack nodded, widening his eyes in surprise. He knew exactly what this conversation was going to be about.
"Yeah... what a painful topic. How do you know? And what exactly do you know about that?"
Now trying very hard to not burst out in tears I tried to explain what Toby had told me. The only thing Jack did was nod, indicating that he was listening. Sometimes he squinted his eyes, and I took that as a sign that I hadn't been told the whole story.
When I was done talking, he sighed and ruffled his hands through his hair. 
"Well, there's one thing that this guy hasn't told you. Maybe even more..."
Not even scared to find out the truth anymore, I told him to continue. It couldn't get any worse. Or at least, I thought so...

"Caroline isn't hospitalized because of a 'normal' depression. No one gets hospitalized because they're 'just depressed'. She attempted suicide. Twice. And I'm not on my brothers side because he had never cared to say sorry, or visite her. And that's what bothers me. I mean, he doesn't even seem to care. He doesn't think he did anything wrong. How could he even think that? But you talk to Sam, right? I think you should try and visit her one time to get to know her. I think Sam would appreciate that too. It's a hard topic for him to talk about and some support would do him good. And I can come with you too, because she said she wouldn't mind seeing me again. She resents Luke, but not me. Does that sound like a good idea?"

I shrugged, "I'll think about it. It's just that she doesn't know me, maybe she hates me."
Jack gave me a hug as a form of reassurance. "She won't hate you. Just be careful, don't mention Luke, and talk to Sam about the idea."
The two of us walked back into the living room.
"Hey," Liz questioned, "What were the two of you talking about?"
I wasn't planning on telling, but as usual Jack was being honest and said, "Caroline."
Liz's smile immediately disappeared and I knew that it was still a very painful subject for everyone. 
"My mum still has a hard time forgiving Luke." Jack whispered and we sat down at the dinner table. 
After a while of eating in silence my mum decided to break it by asking about Caroline. I sighed. "Mum please." But she ignored me and said, "Oh, I already know the story, but how did you know about it?" She asked me. Great, apparently everyone knew, but nobody had bothered to tell me. 
I explained that Caroline was the twin sister of a friend. A bright smile immediately appeared on her face. "Sam's your friend? He's so nice. It's good that you're friends with him!"
Jack chuckled, "He's like the guy that every mother would like her daughter to come home with. They all seem to think he's the sweetest guy on earth."
"Mom," I sighed, "Sam and I aren't really close, but his friend told me. And no, I'm not bringing him over anytime soon. Luke's finally coming back in a few days, so I'm just focussing on that."
That wasn't entirely true, but Luke was still my boyfriend and that wasn't going to change. I hoped...
"Bye they way, Jack, why won't you visit her now you're here? I'm sure Caroline would like you to." Liz told her son, who responded by saying he was already planning on doing so. 

After dinner Liz stopped me when I was about to leash my dog. 
"Jessy, you know about Caroline now," she said and I stopped in my tracks, "You know, it's still a painful subject. Of course Luke is my son and I don't want to blame him for anything, but on the other side I know he should be taking his responsibility. I just can't forgive him for this. I know he's happy with you, but a part of me still thinks that it's terrible what he's done and how I saw Caroline  hurting after that..."
I nodded, now almost lost for words. "I know, but I'll visit her and I don't know what to say. Really, it's not your fault. Can I tell you something, though?"
I waited for conformation and then started talking again, "This actually took away my trust in Luke a little..."
The 'little' part wasn't true: this took a major part of my trust and we had to have a good conversation when he got home. 
"I know," Liz sighed, "It took away some trust in him for all of us." She walked away and just when I was about to step outside, Jack came running after me. 
"I'll walk with you." he informed me and we walked over to the park. Once we had arrived I unleashed my dog and I sat down beside Jack. He ruffled his hand, looking a little too unhappy for his own liking. 

"I found her, you know." He said out of the blue. I just looked at him in surprise, now really lost for words. 
"Caroline, I mean. I found her. I found her in her room, with an empty bottle of pills next to her. It was the only time I'd gone to her house, because Luke told me to pick up some of his stuff that she still had... it was so scary. She wasn't breathing and I couldn't do anything until the ambulance was there..."
He was now close to tears. His voice was trembling and his eyes were watering. It hurt to see him like that, so I wrapped my arms around him and lay my head on his shoulder. 
"Is that why she trusts you?"
He nodded. "I was the first one she saw when she woke up in the hospital. Not my brother, not her parents, but me. And that's maybe the hardest thing for me and the reason I can never forgive Luke. He was her boyfriend - correction, ex-boyfriend, but still. It seems like he doesn't even care. It was tearing our family apart, and all he did was make out with the girl he cheated on Caroline with. That is just so... so inhuman..."
His tears were now falling onto me and we just sat there for a while.
Jack always seemed like the strongest person I knew, and he was. But this had clearly messed with him and he still wasn't over it, which was understandable. It must have been so scary for him, finding someone that wasn't breathing and trying to bring her back to life. 
"Well, if you don't want to go visit her, I'll just go with Sam," I said, and he nodded.
"I think I'll go by myself. She'd like me to go by myself, I think. She trusts me with things nobody else can hear."
When we both felt like we were ready to go home again, we walked home. When everyone from the Hemmings' family had gone to their own house, I opened the text from Sam that he sent me earlier. 

I heard that Toby told me about Caroline... I'm sorry you weren't supposed to hear that.

*A/N

I added a pic of Jack to this chapter.