The Text ;; t.j

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CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN

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tw//

Josh's POV

I stared at my ceiling in my cold and inky room. It was 4:05 am, and I was alone. Payton wasn't here, and tyler was getting sleep, hopefully.

I felt the hot tears trickle down my cheeks as I began to think what was going on in my head. I've felt so alone lately, and my anxiety has been raging. The simplest things scare the living hell out of me, and I don't know why.

I sprung up from my bed, and seen the snow falling from outside of my window. It was winter and that meant   being sad and scared more often.

Seasonal Depression.

I stared at the snow falling, and I got thinking inside my head.

You're such a fool, tyler doesn't need you. In fact, nobody needs you.

You'll die one day, why not now?

You're so stressed lately. Just end it.

Get those blades and be weak, because that's all you are.

You can't do it, joshua.

This was unusual, because I never really thought about things like this. I guess it gets worse by the years.

I looked at myself in the mirror and I could look eat better than this. I looked absolutely horrible.

My pink hair was a mess, I had big purple bags under my eyes, and my eyes were bloodshot from crying.

I stepped back from my mirror, and headed toward the bathroom.

This is how Ty has felt for the past years. I wish I could make him forget all of his pain, he didn't deserve it. He deserves to be happy, he doesn't deserve to be so sad.

I opened the bathroom door, and quietly walked in and closed and locked the door.

I opened the mirror cabinet, and found a box of blades. I took one out of the box, and stood there for a moment.

I stared at the blade, and felt myself crying again. I haven't done this for almost 2 years. Was it worth it to go back to my old ways?

I slid down the wall, and put my knees to my chest. I began to cry into my knees.

"I-i can't do this," I whispered to myself.

But I didn't listen to myself, and I began to slit my wrists open.

I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my teeth. I forgot what this pain felt like, it hurt so much, but I found pleasure doing so.

I shot open my eyes, and seen the blood trickling down my arms. I stood up, and slowly walked toward the sink to wash them out. I washed off the blade, and threw it in the garbage.

It stung like hell washing them out, but I didn't want any infection.

I shut off the sink, and stared at the scars forming on my skin. Everyone will notice. I'll get made fun of, I was now terrified.

I unlocked the bathroom door, and shut out the light. I walked out, and seen tyler walk out of his room crying.

"Ty-tyler?" I asked, walking up to him worridly.

"They won't go away!" He yelled, gripping on to my arms crying.

I winced in pain, and tyler seemed to notice.