The Text ;; t.j

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CHAPTER FIFTY

{tw//mentions of anorexia and self harm}
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{you can skip if you'd like}

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Tyler's POV

It was Sunday night, and I stayed up staring at the ceiling not feeling anything at all. I couldn't hear anything but the sounds of static and sadness in my head.

Jaycee invited Josh and I over, along with payton, but I declined because I didn't have the motivation to do anything.

I've lost interest in everything, besides making music of course.

I made Josh go, because I didn't want to ruin his night. All he wanted was fun, but he was always trying to make me feel happy and better and that made him tired and sad.

I felt a sigh escape my lips as I got up from my bed in my inky and cold room.

As I got up, it felt like I was getting pressured down by weights. Doing very simple things like walking, getting dressed, or even speaking were the hardest things to do. They pressured me down so hard, it was so difficult to do them.

I took off the pastel blue t-shirt I was wearing, and searched for a different shirt closest to me.

I've been living in that t-shirt and these grey joggers for almost a week now, I thought it was time to change.

I grabbed my black hoodie since it was closest to me, and I decided to keep on my Joggers because it was already difficult enough to take that shirt off.

Before I put on the hoodie, I looked on my body mirror for a moment, and seen my face change in disgust.

My body was very unattractive, and so was everything else about me.

The self-harm made me look weak.

I hurried and looked away from the mirror, and threw on the black hoodie.

I looked back in the mirror and stared.

All of my clothes were getting baggy on me because I'm getting skinner and skinnier everyday from skipping meals.

I was so hungry, but I could not eat. The thought of food made me absolutely sick, and so did the taste.

I walked away from my mirror and toward my closet.

I opened my closet doors, and slipped on my pair of maroon vans. I quickly tied the laces, and slowly walked outside of my room, and headed toward the front door.

I clutched my phone, and walked outside.

I hated the outdoors and the idea of leaving the house, but I felt so sick. I needed to breathe, and try to forget about things for a bit.

It was snowing outside, and the sky was dark.

I began walking down the sidewalk with my feet aching. Walking was such a struggle.

The whole time I was walking, I had no idea where I was going. But I didn't care, I just needed to get away for a bit.

As I kept walking, I noticed I was no longer on the sidewalk, I noticed i was near the forest by my parents house.

I walked down the path in the forest, and stopped for a moment.

I checked my phone to see the time.

1:25 a.m.

I've been walking for almost 4 hours. It feels as if it's been 30 minutes.

I ignored that and I clicked my phone off, and walked further into the forest.