The Text ;; t.j

| 49 |

CHAPTER FIFTY

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Tyler's POV

Jaycee walked off to talk to done friends and some of my family, and I sat in the living room with josh waiting for her to come back.

"Hi tyler," I heard a familiar voice say quietly.

I shot my head up and seen Jenna standing there with her hands in her skinny jeans pockets and looking at me.

"Hi Jenna," I said as my hands started to go clamy from being nervous.

I haven't talked to jenna face to face in a long time, and it was weird talking to her since she was my ex-wife, but I still was interested in what was going on in her life and she was still important to me.

"How've ya been? It's been awhile since we've actually talked.."

"It's been the same. How about you?"

"I've been the same too. I'm great." She half smiled.

"That's awesome jen," I said as I looked around my parents house.

"Is Jaycee here?" She asked put of the blue.

I looked nawed on by bottom lip and nodded.

"Yeah, she's here."

She nodded, and took her hands put of her pockets.

"Well I'll see you around Joseph?" She questoned, smiling.

"Of course, black." I smiled back at her.

She walked out of the living room, and headed toward the kitchen where everyone else was.

Jaycee walked in, and sat by me.

"Are you alright? You don't look so good, love." Jaycee frowned and grabbed my hand and played with my fingers.

"I-im- everything's okay." I said, half honest.

"Tyler," she sighed as her sparkling green eyes looked up to my dull brown eyes.

"Okay, I'm half alright." I said honestly.

I intertwined my fingers with hers, and cocked my head up and stared at the ceiling.

"What's wrong? You don't need to tell me if you don't want to." She quietly said as she traced my wrist tattoo with her other fingers.

"Okay. Jenna is here, and me and her had an awkward conversation and I thought you were going to hate me if you seen me talking to her. And, I felt anxious talking face to face with her after months." I said in all complete honesty.

"Tyler, I could never hate you, Ever. And I'm fine with you talking to Jenna. I trust you completely. And it's okay, you made conversation with her and everything turned out alright. I love you, everything is okay." She kissed my lips and squeezed my hand lightly.

"I love you too," I said and felt my cheeks redden.

"It's your birthday tylerrr, be happy." Josh smiled.

"Okay," I said as I put on the best smile as I could.

-3 hours later-

It was around 3:56, and I was ready to go home. I felt sick to my stomach, and I couldn't handle all the noise. My anxiety started to rage, and my heartbeat went faster and faster.

I mean I should've felt safe here, right? I'm at my childhood home, my parents house for god's sake. I'm with my family, and I shouldn't feel this way.

This doesn't even feel like a family party. It feels like I'm not part of the family, nobody has really talked to me. Nobody likes me.

I sat in the bathroom with my knees in my chest. I felt so alone. The only people who have made conversation with me were Josh, Jaycee, and Zack. Everyone else just wished me a happy birthday and said hi.

I got up from the ground, and looked at myself in the mirror. I was to upset to cry, so I decided to just be silent.

I walked out of the bathroom quietly, and headed down the hall slowly. As I walked, I noticed Zack's old room, Jay's old room, and madison's old room.

As I kept walking, I noticed my old room. The door was closed, and I just stared at it for a bit.

I made so many horrible memories in here. Depressing ones.

I opened the door, and seen all of my old stuff in here. My basketball jersey's on the wall, my old tv, my bed with my old dark blue bedspread, and my dresser and bookcase.

I walked inside and closed the door quietly. I began to think about the things that happened here.

I remember of trying to ponder of great things here, but all that my mind could think of is other horrible things. Like suicide, depression, anorexia, and self-harm.

I felt my heart race. I've hated myself so long, I forgot what loving myself felt like.

I walked over to the old bed and sat down.

I put my hands on my face, and felt myself crying.

Why would my parents and siblings be "proud" of me? My whole life I've screwed up, and I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know how to fix me.

"Tyler?" I heard josh call.

"Tyler, where are you?"

He opened my old bedroom door and seen me crying.

"Ty?"

"Tyler, what happened?"

I felt myself stare off into the distance, and felt tears spill out of my eyelids.

"Things are just getting to my head, that's it." I lied.

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. I'm always here for you and there is so many people who love you. You're worth it Tyler, you're worth it every step of the way. I love you man, you mean so much." Josh said as he hugged me tightly.

He was so nice to me, why?

I didn't deserve it.

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IM SORRY I'LL MAKE NEXT CHAPTER BETTER,, I PROMISE

THIS CHAPTER IS BAD.

Oh- and I'm getting writers block terribly. So, comment ideas for the book ??

Thanks guys!  !

s t a y a l i v e |-/

{Note; My depression is getting worse and I can't handle it. Can you guys please share with me what makes you happy? Thank you,,❤}

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