If Only...

Regret Or Not To Regret, That's The Question

Seb and Dan came around, they stayed for a drink. Seb and Lewis kept most of their attention to Blue as Dan and Max were talking about whatever. At 4pm we arrived at the apartment, just to find Kelly and Jos arguing about whatever. Max had the same voice as his father when he was yelling. The two year old just ran around the apartment as Max and I just stared at them.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Go to the bedroom and argue there with an inside voice."

Jos stared at me about to say something but quickly closed his mouth.

"In the morning, you can tell me whatever you wanted to say, Jos." I sighed. "Not today, I can't handle another yelling Verstappen."

He nodded as Kelly already marched her way inside the bedroom. He followed as I walked towards the kitchen.

"Can you change her diaper?" I opened the fridge. "I'm going to cook."

Grabbed some ingredients and searched for some meat, I had to season it lightly to not, the little princess had to eat it as well. As I found some chicken fillets, I was mentally kicking myself. I didn't want to cook but the yelling from Max, this afternoon and Kelly and Jos screaming in the room a few metres away. Made me uncomfortable and annoyed. It was tiring and, as I had told Max the night before, taking it's toll on me. While chopping carrots and onions, my mind kept wandering over to Max and the words he yelled, what about him, what about his feelings? I wasn't going easy in him, he did apologise and he did show me that he just wanted me. These damn thoughts.

"What you making?" His breath tickled my neck. "It smells good."
"Please just watch your sister." I filled a pot with water and placed it on the stove. "I don't want her in here while I'm using knives and hot water."

Dinner was silent, just Blue Jaye babbling in Dutch and Kelly responding. It was tense, a soft 'mmh' and 'So good' filled the air every 5 minutes. Not replying to any of it as my mind got bored.

"So you two, dating?" Kelly looked at me as I shook my head. "Why not?"
"'cause I cheated on her." Max replied. "She doesn't want to be here and these questions aren't helping our situation."
"Why did you cheat?" Jos looked up confused at him.
"I didn't know she could be the one." His voice soft and a bit confused. "I just did, a less intelligent woman came up, the girl of my dreams was having a laugh with other drivers. I just wanted her to get jealous but I took it to far."
"Are you dumb?" Jos looked at me as I took my attention back to my empty plate.
"I let the woman touch me, sit on my lap. The dream girl danced with a tall German, resting her head on his chest. Laughing, I knew they were just having fun, it was her first night drinking." He remembered it. "I got mad, stormed out with the less intelligent one. She found us on the couch, in each others arms. Worst of all, I confirmed that we were a couple, less than five hours before the incident."

It was hard for me to hear the entire story.

"You are such an-" I interrupted Jos.
"I'll be going for a walk. " Got up and left the table. "Don't wait up."

I grabbed my coat and left. The air was cool. A soft breeze blew across my face. I didn't really went for a walk, just went to the park across the street. The nearest bench was were I was sitting. An hour past and quickly turned into two. Somewhere in the third hour I decided to go back. It was quiet as I dropped my coat on the floor. The only light came from the television. Max just sat there, alone, between the pillows and blankets. He wasn't looking at the screen, he was looking at his hands. I once again undressed myself in the kitchen and changed into my PJs. He still sat there, I sat next to him.

"He told me off." He stared at me. "He never got this mad."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I did in some way. "But that's your problem."
"I don't know what to do to make this better."

I laid down and closed my eyes. A few seconds later, I felt some shifting before feeling a presence next to me.

"Kiss me." His nose against my cheek. "If you want me ,kiss me, please."
"I don't want to get hurt, again, by you." I hadn't opened my eyes. "I don't need that."
"I'll try and make it up." He hovered over me. "I will make it up."

I licked my lips, I needed this and I wasn't sure if it was worth it.

"I don't trust you." I whispered.
"I'll show you, you can." He pressed his lips on mine.

I kissed back, his tongue asking for entrance which I granted. Hands quickly made their way under my shirt. Caressing my sides as I tried to undo his shirt. He growled in my mouth as the couch didn't help with the tiny space.

"Floor." He broke the kiss.
"No." I grabbed his belt and did it.
"Needy." He chuckled.
"Undo it." I groaned.
"You sure?" He undid himself of his trousers.
"I don't know, but I need it." He let me think and my human instinct answered.
"Let's just cuddle then." He laid next to me. " I don't want you to regret it."
"Max, I am horny, I already regret not being with some guy just for sex." I got irritated, mostly because it was true. The other part was because he didn't take the risk.
"Jaden..." He kissed my cheek before cuddling with me. "Let's figure out how and if this works."
"Just keep quiet before I regret kissing you." My eyes closed and heart pumping fast.

I just wanted to forget this entire year.