Calling Dr.Smiles

Ⅲ.Ⅳ

→"Once again, I'll sing off key to anything with a four count beat. I'm just that talented."

"Keep playing my hear strings, faster and faster. You could be just I want my true disaster!" I sang along to the song on the radio. I was off key like usual, but this was my favorite song! And it was either this or talk about what happened back there.

Suddenly, Pacer reached for the volume and completely turned down the station. Leaving me to think about dinner tonight.

Honestly, I thought I would be the one to blow up. I did not, repeat not, expect Iris to blow up like that. She's living under the same roof as mom, you'd think she'd actually take her side.

It doesn't mean she loves her any less, but wow. I mean, dad left when she was old enough to remember him, I guess whatever time they had together really stuck with her. Kurt isn't really like that. He's a little more attached to mom, maybe because he was pretty young when he left.

"Anna, do you want to talk about it? It's gotta be eating you up inside." He was, pleading or begging me to talk about it? It wasn't a good thing to keep all these thoughts in my head. But, wouldn't I tell someone who's gonna be there for me, forever? Pacer won't last for me. He won't, and then it'll just be a waste.

"You know, I'm going back to New York right? I'm not here to stay, I could literally leave any time I'd like." I babbled and he seemed a little hurt. I was only telling him the truth, the inevitable truth. I was going back home, and he would be here and nothing would happen.

"Tomorrow is the first day of tree lighting, and the second of December. I bet you forgot, but if you want to stay at my place and have fun tomorrow you can do that." He recommend and, I really didn't know what to say. He knew I was leaving, and he still wanted to get to know me? Does he like being hurt?

I stared at the street light in front of us as I turned from red to green, "Okay, I'll stay with you." I said in a hushed tone, but he heard me. He always does.

Tomorrow was going to eventful. Kurt and Iris were going back to school, and I was going to be anywhere but near my mother. I was gonna spend the night with Pacer, in his house. Was Barbra home? I didn't want to be rude or anything, just spending a night unannounced. 

Pacer drove all the way to his house, while I was thinking up a storm. When he parked the car, he nudged me with his shoulder to wake me from my thoughts. I gathered myself up and got out of the car, and walked with him inside his house.

It was different than my house. It had more photos, and more memories. There was a height marker right at the door, and what looked like a handmade decoration hanging beside it. Back at my house, everything that had to do with my father seems to be tucked away in a box and forgotten. 

"Do you want to sleep with me? Or you want a room to yourself?" He asked, and it was like as soon as he said it her regretted it. I was smiling like a goof, "I- didn't mean it that way."

"You are so kinky, wow. I'm an emotional mess and you wanna sleep with me. Wow." I joked around, looking around a little more while he took his coat off. Pacer Rhodes was the poster child for babbling Idiot.

"The guest room is all the way down the hall, on the right. Sheets are clean and everything, so your good." He said, throwing up a 'thumbs up' and a smile. I nodded my head in response and started to head up the steps.

The steps were creaky, like kids were running up them in the past. I didn't want to wake up Barbra or anything, so I tried to silently walk up to the top but it wasn't working. I had to run up the steps and get to the room on the right.

He was right, when I stepped into the room it smelled like fresh laundry. And it wasn't dusty, not one bit. I closed the door, and started to take off my coat. I was in sweatpants, I could sleep in them. And I plopped down on the bed and covered my self in the sheets.

But I couldn't sleep.

Tonight, was the worst night. 

Mom basically confirmed that she has secrets about dad. And Aidan was becoming more and more of an annoyance. That's not the point. Something up with dad. She didn't want to tell anyone about it. 

She's got to be hiding something big if she just won't come out and say it. Kurt and Iris are missing school, she'd never let them do that. 

I don't remember mom ever being this way. Besides when she's sad and angry about dad. Since when did she start keeping secrets form her kids? Especially Rosalie, her favorite. 

Our family was messed up. Dad's gone somewhere anywhere, just away from us. How could it not be our fault? I didn't say I loved him enough, I was always fighting with mom. I wasn't the best big sister. 

I always took his side. But now he has no side. He's not here. He left us.

I could tell I was crying. I felt two tears stain the pillow, making it warmer. I wasn't loud enough to hear, but my whole body was shaking. I was probably gonna start sobbing, then everyone'd hear it.

Why couldn't we just be normal? Why couldn't he come back?

I heard a large creak in the floor boards of the room, and I peeked up to see Pacer. He was holding another blanket in his hand and was already in his pajamas. He looks at me for a few moments before turning his hand around the knob to close the door. I lay back down on my right side, facing the window.

He walks over to the empty side of the bed, draping the blanket over me and getting under it himself. He's laying on his back, I can't tell if he's sleeping or waiting for me to say something. But I can hear his breathing, and he can probably hear my mine, becoming more relaxed.

"I'm sorry." I said, faltered. I wasn't shaking anymore, and the tears had stopped.